The Dary Day Show

WEIGHING THE TWO SEAT FOR FAT PASSENGERS RULE: WILL IT FLY?

2010-02-21T19:02:00.006-05:00

By now, we have all heard of Kevin Smith, the film director of "Clerks" getting kicked off a Southwest Airline flight because he was too fat. Who was at fault: well, this is a no-brainer in my book. Passenger already seated, he flies. Otherwise, Southwest, ask height and weight when you book the ticket. Case closed.

A number of disabled people are overweight people. They pack on pounds because it is hard for them to move around. Getting to that airport and in that seat may have taken more effort than it takes an Olympian athlete to perform. Yes, I know this because I am handicapped. Getting out is a biggie--a challenge. We are not flexible. If you promised us a seat, we may not have not have the energy for you to change your mind once we are in it. So, if you are talking safety passenger--you have already risked our health.

Ok, Smith is able bodied--but a rule is a rule. The fact that Southwest made one fat passenger miss a funeral because he didn't measure up once seated makes me mourn the good sense of a corporation. This should have been settled before hand, not after the fact. I say, thanks, Kevin, for tweeting away your frustration. Now, I know NOT to fly Southwest on principle alone--and to ask the policy of other airlines before I turn over my cash. Why do I think they would hold on to it tight, if they needed the booking unless you weighed enough to sink the plane..

People come in all shapes and sizes. Fat people are used to being rejected in our size two, super-model airbrushed world. The happiness quotient of an overweight teen is equal to that of a cancer patient undergoing chemotherapy. Don't take their plight lightly. Please, don't boot an overweight, underage kid off a plane if you already sold them a seat. Even if you don't believe it takes a village--it doesn't take a village idiot.

Who really knows for sure what causes every person to either be thin or heavy--and if someone is an addictive overeater, as Overeaters Anonymous says it is a disease. But don't attempt to sell fat-acceptance to Americans. That's like trying to ask our society to not reject old people. Young and thin are in. No fat or old need apply. People who have noisy children annoy other passengers too. Should they be forced to exit with a crying baby before take off? Not in my eyes. I'd offer the mother or father a compassionate glance instead.

I have looked at web site comments about the fight over fat passengers--and the majority of opinions are anti-fat people in one seat. Hey, it's a democracy. Majority rules. But if we can't be kind, let's at least state the rules upfront. Let's cast our vote for fair--not fare.

What's next--the flight attendant telling the unpleasantly plump to "Call Jenny?"

DID AMERICAN IDOL LOSE ITS SOUL WHEN IT LOST ITS ROOTS?

2010-02-09T20:32:00.037-05:00

SO, ELLEN MAKES HER DEBUT ON AMERICAN IDOL
Bright blue eyes, color-co-ordinated top, nothing to make her loopy in her Coke, the super-successful, loveable talk show host heads off criticism by saying while she doesn't know much about music, she can relate to what it is like to have to please an audience. (Gee, so do ice skaters. Maybe Nancy Kerrigan should have the gig.) Anyway, Ellen--who Barbara Walters says "can do no wrong"--doesn't do her trademark dance; and Simon barely gives her a glance. Here are a few of her critiques that will supposedly help make or break some hopeful's singing career.

"There's a fine line between sexy and scarey. . ." (Oh, really, ask Kiss)

"It was really, really dull. . ." (Woo Hoo--Ellen can be critcal--and what musical insight)

"You're voice is amazing. . ." (Double Woo Hoo--Ellen can be encouraging--and what knowledgable input)

"Put your shoes on. It can get disgusting in Hollywood. . ." (Oh, a joke?)

"Something is wrong with his microphone. . ." (Oh, another one?)

Something is not right with this picture. Why is Ellen a judge on this show? She sure wouldn't have been on that powerful panel when AI first tried to find its place in the TV spotlight--nor would AI have taken her on if she weren't a big celeb with top ratings on her TV gab fest. But it sure has nothing to do with music, music, music.

AI was a reality show that originated with the idea of professionals in the music business finding, nurturing and promoting aspiring singers--with the help of the home audience. And it struck the right note--actually all the chords. That's why it is still on. All of the judges came from a musical background. Simon made the show--nobody can truthfully argue with that, and his honest input does help the contestants, so some say. The barbs may be over the top--although those who try to make it in show biz do realistically meet "Simons" along the great white way. But as former AI runner up Adam Lambert put it: Paula's encouragement (albeit gushy) was just as important to the contestants as Simon's criticism.

A number of people objected to Paula's off -the -wall behavior. She had made it as a pop star though, and they are often splattered on the wall. So, it went with the territory. She was the only one who walked the walk as well as talked the talked and sang the songs. Ryan is a pro as a host and Randy is a cool dude, dawg, no matter how many times you hear the word pitchy. It was a winning team.

Then along came Kara. Sweet thing--though she doesn't have that zing. Hey, she does have some credentials in the recording biz. But Ellen? Really folks--and Fox. Ellen is an entertaining TV personality. But what does she know professionally about music--or making it as a singer? Isn't that what this reality show was originally about?

Oh, the beat may go on. . . But no matter what the ratings and profits are--one thing is for sure: When American Idol lost its roots, it lost its soul.

CONAN O'BRIEN: BIG BOYS DO BAWL--ESPECIALLY YOUNG HARVARD HAVE IT ALLS

2010-01-31T19:11:00.018-05:00

Want to laugh? Don't turn into the Tonight Show with Conan--we hardly knew thee--O'Brien.

Conan, the late night laugh master, being paid mega-millions to make us forget the hell in Haiti, the foreclosures, homes without heat, moms without milk and eggs, dads not bringing home the bacon and all the woes that keep us from nodding off at night was having MAJOR PROBLEMS. WAKE UP, AMERICA!!!

This poor Harvard graduate was being asked to start his national high-paying talk show where he yuks it up with the rich and famous a half hour later. OMG!!!!! Is this a fate worse than cable or what? It's enough to keep a nation hooked on barbituates to get some zzz's.

The sobnopsis went something like this: Jay Leno, who had been number one before on the Tonight Show, had been nudged by NBC to give up his show because Conan was not happy waiting in the wings to come on national TV until Jay went off. In fact, if this ungrateful network didn't make room for moaning Conan now, he was jumping ship like any loyal employee looking out for his back would, I guess.

So, Jay moved to ten p.m. and passed the baton to the tall Ivy guy to start entertaining us at 11:30. But the audience didn't follow: Leno limped along in the ratings and Conan's sank lower than --I'm tempted to say my sagging breasts, except Conan might make fun of me for doing that. Naw, he is too down about his "dream" being delayed.

Ok, the brass at NBC says: hey, conehead--no no--they reportedly said dear Conan how about letting Leno come on at eleven thirty again and winning that time slot for the home team--you know the guys that write your fat paycheck. Then you'll come on say thirty minutes later. Jay said he would take the move on his infamous chin. O'Brian though goes ballistic and morose at the same time (a hard act to follow).

Now, we start tuning in for late night dramedy. Conan cries out to the youth of America--something about you can have your dream, providing Jay Leno doesn't want it. Ah, we have a villain. Leno, the old gray stand-up who wants to keep standing (the nerve of him) Conan the conquering hero drums up all the sympathy he can. Tom Hanks--yes, the beloved Forrest Gump star--has us reaching for hankies over Conan's fate. Other A-listers also come on to to offer tea and ratings to the comic who is about to laugh all the way to the bank with about $45 million--chump change to Moaning Conan.

Oh, yes, money is no object. Didn't you hear about the economic boom in this country??? Conan socks it to the ass--ah, brass at NBC nightly. He rounds up Ringo Star to help with his swan song. And guess what? Want to know how to blow a half million bucks as fast as you can say Bingo? Just play a song and pay $500,000 for the rights, owned by the Beatles, about Rita when Tom Hanks comes on. Tom is married to Rita Wilson. Get it. HaHaHaHa--NBC gets it--sucker punched. Or as Conan put it: we are having fun on television.

Wow, maybe we could all have fun by turning off the television and going to bed and playing the song ourselves. (At least we coud afford a few more cheetos.) Hey, but Conan got his send-off. He even thanked NBC for the memory and opportunity. He said: don't be cynical, folks. That's his least fave characteristic.

Besides, he'll be back. FOX is knocking. Oh, that crafty Conan is no dummy. They don't let you into Harvard for nothing folks.

Oprah has Jay Leno on, and asks why he didn't retire. Wasn't the graying stand-up being selfish, at his age no less. Oh, he had a staff of over a hundred and fifty with children to think of too. Ho-hum. Oprah's audience thought Jay had been the bad guy--robbing Conan of a half hour TV time. I wonder what Oprah's demos are.

Well, Willie Loman wouldn't have made it in late night or early or dinner time TV. Tom Brokaw went into semi-retirement at 65. The bewitching number? They shoot horses, don't they. Why not late night comedians? Why not anybody willing to show his or her wrinkled face.

Sad-eyed Jay said he has a lot of damage control to do. Well, Jay, baby, don't worry. If you don't come back with a bang--you will with a boom. A lot of us baby boomers will be right there with you--and if the only applause you hear is from women old enough to advertise the clapper when she turns out the lights, you'll still be having the last laugh for a lot of us. So, go win one for the clapper.

AMERICAN IDOL IS BACK: BUT WILL IT PLAY IN PEORIA WITHOUT PAULA

2010-01-26T21:38:00.009-05:00

AMERICAN IDOL was on the air again. The theme song called us to the flat-screen like a Burger King beckons to a teen. What was it going to be like without Paula gushing and even being kind to those contestants who deserve sympathy with their do-not pass-on to Hollywood cards. I wondered if pro-Paulaites were screened out of the audience, as I popped some Orville Redenbacher into my mouth. Let's face it, I thought, as we guzzled our Cokes, I loved having the show -of- all -the -reality shows back.

The female judge, who's name hasn't sunk in yet, tried to be peppier. The visiting stars were just that--celebs to glam up the set, a few with 'tude. Simon flexed his pecs and let the take-no-prisoners sniping roll off his tongue (a viper never changes his bite); Randy was the dude ya gotta love, dawg. Ryan, always a super cool host, seemed mildly sedated. But did I pine for Paula's loopy peppiness? I'd love to say I wanted to shut the show off, shove Fox's anti-female stance (for having a double pay standard) in their face. But I'd miss AI, just what I needed to chase the January blues. The TV formula still worked--watching kids reach for their dream (even when their voices were more like a nightmare).

I had the feeling Paula (who wore her hurt on her head with a blonde wig and imitated Ellen the charming, lovable interloper months ago) missed the show, more than AI viewers let her absence interfere with their fix. Ah, but contestants may be singing a different tune.

Adam Lambert, a fab contestant who got the boot from the audience last season--probably because he was too over-the-top gay-- was on Oprah and weighed in on Paula and Simon's parting, due next season reportedly. The rocker spoke volumes when he said Simon's honesty was a shot in the arm, but so was Paula's pat-on-the-back nurturing. However, Fox--too busy counting the loot and ratings--won't get the picture. So, take heart, AI addicts, the pitchy melodies will linger on...

ELLEN DEGENERES DANCES HER WAY ON TO AMERICAN IDOL

2009-09-14T11:41:00.009-04:00

Maybe I just have a bug, but this news left me cold. Ellen is a charming talk show host--hey just check out the Emmys. She will add to American Idol what it's like to be a fan in a fun way

. Excuse me--I am a fan and I can get all Ellen's witty charm from her talk show.
The other female, Kara what's her name, admittedly couldn't make it as a pop star. Paula, loopiness (which goes with real pop star territory incidentally) and all did. She not only walked the walk, talked the talk, but she danced the dance and sang the songs. She is the only one who has truly been in these kids' shoes. Maybe that's why the gushy encouragement is sincere. Been there, done that and know it can be hell kind of empathy. Can't fake that.

So, pardon me, puh-leese but this feels like a Fox financial squeeze. The guys get the bigger bucks. It's the same old story. Yes, I'll watch American Idol--how could I live without the Fox hit fix.

So, tell me why I feel less for Ryan, Randy, Simon, Kara what's her name, Fox and The Other Woman, Ellen. It would have been nice to see Paula put another crack in that glass ceiling. Well, young contestants wherever you are: you got a lesson in show biz. It's every man or woman for themselves and you are only as good as your agent and/or last gig. Apparently, Fox voted Paula off the show.

Here's to a new AI. I wish it well because it's in reality family fare. But I have a long memory--and I can't forget the three original judges and host who were the constant on the show from the get-go when they didn't know if it would just be a wannabe. Would lovable Ellen havetaken the risk from day one instead of hopping aboard athe number one show, e.g.? So, there's a part of me that would cheer if there were a chorus of fans shouting "we want Paula, we want Paula" in perfect harmony on the opening show.
Here's to the new AI--but I'll drink to the orignal, the classic. It's the real thing!

VANITY UNFAIR

2009-09-07T07:53:00.016-04:00

Boy (Levi Johnston) meets girl (Bristol Palin). Boy has sex with girl. Girl gets pregnant. Shortly therefter, when Bristol's mother, Sarah Palin, the Governor of Alaska, is tapped as the Republican Vice-Presidential candidate, the family becomes the talk of the nation, including Levi's and Bristol's unborn baby conceived out of wedlock, as they say. But you ain't heard nothing yet. Boy loves spotlight more than girl and baby. Sure I'd pose for Playgirl he says in his tabloid tell-all about his former flame and her famous family.

Oh, yes, he split from the girl--so all is fair in exploiting the mother of his child. He decides "not everyone gets a chance to be a celebirity." Levi thought "making a movie might be too hard," especially since he was trained as an electrician, not an actor. But it was cool having people ask for your autograph in airports.

So, just tell big, glossy magazines everything you can think of about your child's family, that's all. Oh, it might hurt your child too? Seems Levi never thought of that, or if he did, it sure didn't stop him from making money by dishing dirt and crumbs.

Levi Johnston, Sara Palin's daughter's ex peddles to the press in this month's issue of Vanity Fair what it was like living in the Palin home. Levi struck gold by getting a well-known woman's daughter pregnant, and he is going to mine it. My reaction as a reader has nothing to do with being pro or con Palin. I just happen to think you should be able to speak and live in your own home without someone making money off of your true or taken out of context words and observations. Call me old-fashioned--but what happened to the adage: your home is your castle?

Some will nail Palin to the cross for remarks Levi reports. Other comments feel like padding. Here are some headlines: Read all about it--Sarah and her husband Todd sleep in separate bedrooms--and Levi knows--get this, Todd doesn't even snore. WOO HOO-- ALERT THE MEDIA! In fact, young Levi can't even understand how Sarah and Todd got pregnant. Maybe that is why Levi got Bristol pregnant, just didn't know the facts of life. BRISTOL DID THE COOKING, NOT SARAH. OH, GET THE PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY IN TO PUNCH SARAH OUT ON THAT ONE. One thing Levi's ragging proves is if there was really scandal in the Governor's Mansion, Levi would have hunted it down with the biggest thing he can shoot besides his mouth. Was there anything nice at all or one redeeming tiny trait about Sarah Palin? Get real, Levi is talking Let's Make a Deal--not Truth and Fair.

I've been rich and I've been poor--and yes the first is much better. It gives you options in life--you don't have to be a dirtbag to make money unless you are just plain mean. One of the shocking facts about becoming wealthy though is finding out that even nice people will lie, misconstrue and do and say anything to get a piece of your rock. No wonder Oprah and every smart star makes employees sign confidentiality agreements. I'd include in that list any guy who dates my daughter. How low can one go? Mighty low if the stakes are high.

Levi would drop trou in a flash for cash. Instead of showing pictures of his baby, he seems more eager to just display the part of his anatomy that helped produce his son--thus his willingness to bare all for Playgirl. So reduntant. The ass has already been revealed.

WHY I PRETENDED TO BE CAROLINE KENNEDY--

2009-08-26T21:00:00.011-04:00

One thing, those on the left, right or in the center: The Kennedys have had too much death in their family-- many gone far too soon and tragically.

Few understood how Ted Kennedy really became the patriarch for so many nieces and nephews when their own fathers were struck down. I've seen "Uncle Teddy" and Caroline together --and saw how important emotionally he was to her. But once again as his funeral plays out before the public eye, we will witness Kennedy dignity and courage prevail.

I do not state this as a platitude. When my own mother and father passed away within six months apart, as an only child I prepared for their memorials. Months before I had been at a large charity dinner where a man was being given an award and Caroline was a speaker.

Her brother John had just been killed in that plane crash--and all eyes were nervously upon her as she stepped up to to microphone. Caroline went on to speak in a voice that seemed intended to help the rest of us get through this recent shock. She spoke about the accomplishments of the man who was being paid tribute to that evening. But then she smiled at us and said with fondness: actually I think he has another great achievement. He gave my brother John his first job, and for those who knew my brother, you understand that deserves an award in itself. The tension ended and warm, loving laughter and affection for John filled the room, as people nodded remembering him.

The evening ended and Caroline in her navy suit with a simple, silver pin on her shoulder walked alone out into the city night-- it appeared without a drop of protection or self-pity or fear.

Yes, Caroline Kennedy occupied an almost royal position in our country. But loss is loss and pain is pain.

When my father died, I didn't want to cry at the memorial. My parents had moved to my town to be near me and help me with a physical problem I had. They gave up their roots, their home, their friends. Most of the people from their "home" were too old to travel to the memorial, and I feared the funeral home would be empty.

But my friends, who really didn't know my parents, filled the chapel to offer me their support and my parents respect. Most everyone there had lost a mother or father recently--we were the sandwich generation. Some were widows from 9/11, as our town was one hit the hardest.

I didn't want to put them through tremendous pain and sadness, open up their wounds. Besides, my 82- year- old dad deserved to be honored. I made the memorial a celebration of his wonderful life. I didn't want to break down. But how could I stop myself--I was hardly over my mom's death.

I thought of Caroline. She became the role model in my mind, my own profile in courage that day in that funeral home, burying my last parent . People cried--but they also hugged me and said I wish I had known him longer. I felt like I got to know him tonight. My neighbor said this was so inspiring. She wished in a way we had all been to her father's memorial held states away in his hometown.

I cried plenty in private for a year or more. I poured myself into writing Dad's obituary and was glad to see him written about in large newspapers with people in the public eye. Dad was honored in death as I wish he had been in life.

I, like most Americans, send our prayers once more to the Kennedy clan. They've had two deaths so close together: Eunice Kennedy Shriver and Uncle Teddy to them--the man who had been the father figure to so many who lost their own as Caroline had.

This will be a painful loss for Caroline--and once again, she will show us how to bear up under the strain and pain. She will be a model for a role she should never had thrust upon her as a toddler.

She has picked up the mantel of her fallen father, who won a Pulitzer Prize for Profiles in Courage in 1955. Caroline published Profiles in Courage for Our Time in 2003 -- a book she belongs in...today, in 2009 .

JON AND KATE WHO?

2009-08-26T17:05:00.009-04:00

Meredith Veira of recent "Today" show fame is tops on my lists of talk show hosts. So, when I see her doing an interview with Jon and Kate, I wonder why? Then there is Larry King--really, Larry, is there nothing better to use the long arms of CNN for.

Who is Jon cheating with? I can hear the call now coming in from Ethiopia or some such far-flung country. People magazine, of course turned Jon and Kate into People instead of people, which is what I expect they are.

Did they cure cancer, climb Mount Everest, find a new way to Go Green. If the media keeps making this overexposed twosome one of the lead stories every day, then I am out of it because I do not Jon's latest affair. This is surreal.

Forget that I studied the Health Care crisis or read Hamlet recently. I wouldn't be able to hold my own with Meredith and Larry--and now with Barbara Walters, the Queen of Broadcasting, as I just heard Kate is subbing for Elizabeth as a co-host on The View.

So, I have to ask myself: Who are Jon and Kate? And my inner voice answers: who the hell cares. Now, I just wish those who get paid mega-bucks and rule the airwaves were on the same wavelength.Then I could go back to zeroing in on this war, the economy...oh my list of things I should know is long. To think I have to add Jon and Kate, in case I bump into Barbara, Larry and Meredith and don't want them to think I am a slacker.

JUST MARRIED: JUST A WASTE...

2009-08-22T15:58:00.014-04:00

Just in case you are in a movie-watching mood and come across "Just Married" on the tube, move on. Ashton Kutscher of Demi Moore/Twitter/"That '70's Show" fame stars in it as a radio traffic reporter and Brittany Murphy, as a Beverly Hills rich girl complete with an estate entered through gates.

The two young leads meet, marry, go on a honeymoon (with some nice shots of Europe stealing the scene). There's supposed to be a lot of physical comedy--and Brittney can take it on the chin--or more accurately the nose. But it takes more than that to hold anybody with an I.Q. above average's interest. And the dead dog part of the plot does nothing to liven it up. It just makes you feel like donating to Preventing Cruelty to Animals and lowering Hollywood salaries.

Truly, criticising those who try to create doesn't come naturally to me--I know it is not easy to turn out a good flick, while criticism is. But it was a rainy Saturday, I was never so up--or down tucked in the covers coveting a film to forget the water splashing on my window. Soon, the rain on the pane became preferable to the dribble on the TV screen. I found myself thinking: what does Demi see in twittering her time away with Ashton? Is this where a bundle on plastic surgery and cougarhood gets you. On the other hand, the script and lines are so silly and bland (the butler lends some comic relief). Well, maybe Brad Pitt and Angelina's chemistry could give the witness scipt some sizzle--though I do think Brittney has better comic timing than Mother Angelina.

In the end, which I woke up towards, Ashton tries to win Brittany back after the honeymoon from hell, by crashing those estate gates. He pleads through the video camera (without the impact of say Dustin Hoffman in the church in "The Graduate" like a wounded animal who needs his mate that love will conquer all. Boy meets rich girl, loses rich girl, gets her back.

The great gate opens after some debate with Brittany's prosperous Daddy (an affable enough David Rasche who doesn't have much to work with) when Ashton vows with all his heart and puppy dog eyes I can't give her anything but love. But as someone who roots for the underdog, the only thing I wished is that the dog would come back to bite him (yes, Ashton was part of the pet's demise. Surprise). Justice would be if this film were part of the youth-oriented movie team's.

I had just finished enjoying as "Good is As It Gets" with Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt before this. "Just Married" was as bad as it gets in comparison. Youth is wasted on the young--and so is filmaking (this flick got teen choice awards) if the powers that be can't do better than this with their megamillions.

If this romantic comedy went straight to video/TV, it should go straight off. Truly, unless you have time to waste, change the dial or sit right down and write a better movie than this one. Or write a letter to the powers that be in lala land and as Joan Rivers who earned her face lifts would say, "Oh, grow up."

ABDUL VS. IDOL: AND THE WINNER IS

2009-08-08T09:02:00.004-04:00

It was not a slow news day when Paula Abdul twittered her resignation from American Idol. But despite the moving story of hostages being freed from North Korea by President Clinton and other headline-making happenings, Paula's tweet was heard round the world. What a fitting way to go--so Paulaesque.

And that is the point. American Idol is a popular cultural phenomenon, and it became that way because it got the compelling chemistry of its key players and all the elements right on the money. There was Simon Cowell, the judge you loved to hate, spacey but nurturing Paula, that cool dawg Randy and reliable Ryan, who always made you want to find out after the break without making you feel like breaking his neck. Even the catchy theme song rallied the family round the tube.

AI defined a decade, united generations, became a show to remember...a television pop classic. I even gave my daughter a birthday party with Randy, Paula and Simon look-alikes, which was a smash hit. The 12- year- olds loved it, as did we parents. Indeed, it is the one show that I will always remember watching with my two young daughters, shushing them off to bed with the promise that I would call in all night to vote for their favorites.It did a rare thing in TV today--it brought families together. We even went to an Idol concert to see Clay and Reuben et al and our tweens didn't come down with "adultitis." We all truly felt it was our turf!

So we all wanted to weigh in when Paula gave the show the heave-ho. We felt our voices heard on the show that racks up more votes than the Presidential Election. Rumor has it that Abdul wanted to be on a par with the boys. AI has been raking it in and could afford to share the wealth. When Paula said in her emotional swan song how she hated leaving a show she had help create since day one, she cut to the crux.

It's hard for any of the disputing parties to look good in the public eye bruised by the recession. Besides foxy Fox making a fortune, girls should be on a par with guys. Yet, with people happy to get a job as a bill collector today, stars asking for megabucks don't garner a lot of sympathy--especially in the unemployment lines.

So, it serves Paula and her fans well to not play up asking for a salary increase to the tune of x bucks but rather stick to the pop song of "R-E-S-P-E-C-T."Remember the wrath Suzanne Somers of Three's Company got from cast mates, when she wanted her salary upped. As they say the show must go on--and it did with out the malcontent.AI will too, despite the on-line poll where some 60 percent said with Paula out of the picture, they would turn the dial.

And in the end, AI is about numbers. The person who gets the most wins. In reality, everybody has an understudy in the wings. Simon is the closest it comes to being irreplaceable. Kara is a forgettable blip, though it hurts me to say that, which is why someone with Cowell's callous bluntness is rare.

It's worth noting that the judges who are paid to disagree--didn't over Abdul's abdication, publicly anyway. Randy called her a friend; Simon stood by his foe-- on the show-- at least; Ryan seemed truly chagrined on his radio gig. And even those who didn't take to Paula the pop star's gushy mush or loopiness wanted to keep the show's original trio. Fox wavers-- between issuing statements that they will meet up with Paula and talk it out--to those promoting a replacement with hopes of increasing the waning audience. But in the end, if AI felt it would fall in the ratings big time--Paula would get what Paula, like the Lola of musical fame, wants.

The bottom line is: yes, I think someone could take Paula's place. Who remembers that Ryan had a co-host the first season? We've lived and watched through the fourth judge foul call. But America has voted--and we don't have to wait for Ryan to tell us after the break-up. Unless Fox comes up with some incredibly entertaining replacement who pumps new blood into a show that is getting weaker numbers or makes here-comes-the-new-judge part of the lure, viewers want to stick with the original, thank you. It's the real thing.

2009-07-19T09:06:00.001-04:00

SOMETHING BETTER COME BETWEEN CALVIN KLEIN AND HIS JEANS
Calvin Klein's daughter was kidnapped when she was younger. You would think that would have made a father out of him first--and a businessman second. One would have hoped it helped mend his way of abusing our youth.

Does it really take child porn to pedal denim? Calvin is in desperate need of ad- vice. His latest ad is a vice. It was reportedly banned on U.S.A. television. That's saying a lot when you think of what is broadcast.Ah, but the borderline pornographic promotion was plastered on a billboard in Manhattan's trendy So Ho neighborhood, home to many families. And because this newest, lewdest display was so controversial the sexually suggestive sales pitch appeared in many newspapers to say nothing of the World Wide Web. Thus, it gave Klein plenty of free advertising (smart--dollar and cents wise; dumb--morality and sense wise).

The infamous exhibit depicts a young topless girl in her Calvin’s (what else?) who appears to be having a three way sexual liaison with two men on a sofa. She is straddling a shirtless guy with his hands down her pants, while she is kissing another boy toy in just jeans above her. A third boy holding his pants open is lying on the floor beneath them looking on dreamily. So many people passing by were looking on with disgust, the ad came down by popular demand.But isn't that like getting a remark before the jury--and then telling them to strike it from the record. I almost didn't write about this because it gives the company the publicity they crave at any price.

Maybe these ads are cash cows--but the people who hawk them are pigs. Asked about the message, a Calvin Klein spokesman said the "intention was to create a very sexy campaign that speaks to our targeted demographic."Well, guess what? My teenage daughters will never be part of your demographic. Go place your ads in front of a whorehouse--that is your demographic is this mother's eyes.

WHY I FEEL LIKE HOLLERING AT HOLLISTER!

2009-07-18T13:31:00.007-04:00

Is there no other way to sell clothes than to show teenage girls and guys taking them off?

I just got angry about a borderline-pornographic Calvin Klein ad--thinking foolishly in this anything -goes- age--that it was an exception to the rule.

So I open my email from holier than thou Hollister--the prepster pants and clothing company. And what to my wondering eyes should appear but two hip-locked teens suggestively taking off their jeans.

Why do I think this is just telling our kids it is cool and "conservative" (like Hollister ha ha) to do the same.

So, I am not shopping there. I don't know any other way for companies to know where to draw the line except to effect their bottom line. Taking applications from ex-Hollister employees--until the company sees the right way to hawk their product to teens: try keeping the pants on the bodies of the caressing girl and boy in your ads. Until then, Hollister et al need a "time out" from parents who hold the purchase power. Maybe these companies will wake up when they smell the red ink.

IF YOU WERE ELIZABETH EDWARDS: COULD YOU FORGIVE YOUR HUSBAND'S INFIDELITY

2009-07-14T13:17:00.010-04:00

Bill, Jack, Franklin are just a few of the Presidents who reportedly had other women in their lives sexually. And the list goes on... Gary Hart, a Democratic nominee for the highest office in the land, though saw his campaign derailed when he tried some monkey business with Donna Rice. So, what's the message: be a family man when you are running, then bring on the other woman once you've wooed the voters and won?

All of the women married to the men above--Hillary, Jackie, Eleanor and even Lee Hart, Gary's wife, stood by their man. But it is Elizabeth Edwards, with her terminal cancer, who is getting the most heat for accepting former Presidential candidate, John Edwards' liasons.

We vote by secret ballot on whether we will stay with a husband who strays. None of us are in Mrs. Edwards' shoes. Yet, so many seem aghast that she doesn't tell her long-time mate to take a walk. I was struck by the Edwards' dream home. When I see the perfect setting, inevitably it seems what is marred is the marriage. But that is just an aside--something I've noticed in the suburban streets I've lived strewn with divorces. But this is Elizabeth's marriage--and home, which she is not abandoning easily.

I wouldn't have voted for the $600 haircut man if he didn't cheat on his dying wife. Actually, if I were ill, I would probably give my husband a free pass to have elsewhere what I couldn't give. But that's just me.

Could I forgive my husband if he cheated. It depends--if it were "just" sexual or a new emotional bond and if it didn't turn our life into a house of horrors. Would I stay for the sake of our children. Yep--if I felt it were in their best interest. Just don't tell my husband.

PAPA, DO YOU HEAR ME? (OR WHY I FIXED MY DAD UP ON A BLIND DATE DAYS BEFORE HE DIED)

2009-07-12T16:55:00.008-04:00

The sins of the fathers may be passed on to the sons--but so are the blessings. My father passed away on July tenth four years ago. He left me a legacy of strength and good will. I gave him well some crazy experiences.

We all have regrets when someone dies. My mom--the only girl my dad ever was with (those were the days!) passed away in January. I wish I had involved her more in my life. So I decided with Dad I would rectify that mistake.

Dad, who had been living a few towns away with mom in a condo by the sea, moved next door to me. My house was small--so it was like a compound. I say moved--but it was more like dragged. He didn't want to go. He was living along with a nurse's aide in what seemed to me like a mausoleum. Mom's memories were everywhere--he was buried in them. Piles of her papers, belongings were scattered everywhere. One night I called though and he said he was going into the kitchen to make "breakfast." The next day the aide told me she thought he was mixing up his pills. But hell no, he didn't want to go. Finally I told him they were tearing up the floor to his condo as they were having plumbing problems. Well, suffice it to say, we practically had to carry him out--he didn't want to part with her memory.

Now, next door, my daughters, ten and 12 at the time, visited him before and after school, he ate breakfast in the morning and had a steady stream of visitors. My husband took guitar lessons every Saturday, and dad, an old drummer who loved music, joined in. He requested they do songs like "Sweet Adeline" and "When the Saints Come Marching In." But he went along with crooming "I Can't Get No Satisfaction" and "I Want Some Hot Stuff." Hey, once a musician, always a muscian.

The guitar instructor taught piano to an older widow who had gone to Juillard. She was so lonely, she asked Greg, the kindest rocker and music teacher one could meet, if he knew any older people. Bingo! Why not my dad? He was a former welder. But this wasn't a date. With 4th of July coming, I mentioned to Greg that he should stop in for burgers. Ok, the day came and Greg called and asked if my invitation stood. Sure, I answered. May I bring a couple friends, he asked. Of course, I replied. He explained it was the kind and trying-to- be merrier widow and her daughter.

My dad hadn't bathed in days. I called the nurse and said, tell dad he must let you wash and change him--we are having a barbeque. I want him to join in the get-together for the holiday. I figured if dad met all my friends' parents, he might not feel so lonely and cut off from society as mom had.Oh, why hadn't I thought of this great idea for the sandwich generation before?

Well, the widow showed up--looking like Ms. Palm Beach down to her Lilly Pulitzer dress. Where is the drummer, she asked. I showed her a photo. My father looked like Antonio Banderas--and Dad could still turn the ladies' heads with his Adonis-like face.

I would like to actually meet him, said the widow. I picked up my cell and dialed the nurse. The male nurse said dad wouldn't let anybody touch him. A mood, I figured. Just do it, I said. I don't want him lonely and moping.

Soon the nurse rang that dad could receive visitors. Then Dad proceeded to sing "I Can't Get No Satisifaction" and other rock hits for two hours. The widow was enthralled. My father was ready to give me his gravesite. "How could she (me) do this? I just buried my wife!"

Explaining it was just making friends with senior citizens didn't console him much. So I sang "You Made Me Love You" and he smiled and hugged and forgave me. He even ate a burger and played with his granddaughters. It was a fourth to remember. He complained not once after that.

Six days later, the nurse called me in the middle of the night. Dad had just passed in his sleep. I went and sat next to him, holding his handsome hand. I called for clergy, the hospice nurse didn't like this, but I didn't care. My father was going no where until he had last rites. So we sat for hours, until the sun rose, as did the clergyman.

Dad had wished to be cremated, but when they came to take his body, I did the worse thing. I said you can't cremate that gorgeous man. That's like cremating Brad Pitt. No, no, I cried. But they took his beautiful body away, as he had wished.

They couldn't take his legacy though. He had been a good sport until the end. He would never be unkind to anyone. If you came to visit, true to form, he would be a host.

At the memorial I said: No one ever said a bad word about my dad... What a legacy. If I can be a tenth of the person he is I will be proud. And I hope when he entered heaven they were playing "When the Saints Come Marching In." He was one to me.

LETTERMAN VS. WOMEN: SCORE ONE FOR GIRL POWER

2009-06-27T05:50:00.011-04:00

Extra, Extra, read all about it. David Letterman, late night funnyman who made Palin's teenage daughters' bodies the butt of his jokes apologized. No kidding-- about adults knocking up kids! Knock, knock: who's there? The new and improved--and slightly humbled host.

Some cynics say CBS made him do it; others give the credit to his sponsors. Probably the call from his mother reportedly taking the Palin teenage girls' side felt like a "time out."

Maybe it was just his own sense of morality kicking in--when the protesters wanted to boot him off the air. They picketed even after Dave caved. But the apology was accepted by the Palins.

It takes more than one man, one village (idiot), one sponsor or one network to keep our daughters safe from verbal harrassment. Thanks to all of those who stood up for what is right--and I don't mean politics. I'm talking gun powder and grrl power.

NOW even stopped looking like the Leaning to the Left Tower of Sistahood. It's enough to make you want to stand up and sing in unison: I am woman, hear me roar. We're going to have to girls, if we want to score. It's still a man's world--until we band together and seize our half of it. Bear arms--and mouths!!!

THEY SHOOT MOOSE DON'T THEY: SHOULD PALIN BE TAKING AIM AT LETTERMAN

2009-06-14T11:21:00.014-04:00

By now, you've heard David Letterman's not-so-cheap shots at Governor Palin's daughter. His writers are paid well, as is the Late Night sixty-two year-old, comedian. So those "jokes" cost good--no make that bad money. All our daughters paid a price for the desperate yet not really jovial jabs at young girls having sex with older men.

Palin struck back. Letterman counter attacked. The press came to his rescue--except for Fox. Oh, yes, and little Elizabeth struggling to take on Behar and others on "The View."

I lay my bias before my swing: an autographed photo of David hangs in my den, wishing me good luck... So, I should show a little gratitude, huh. Well, let's take the names away. If it were Jay Leno who made the cracks, are they fair? Jay never autographed a napkin for me--or offered an encouraging word. Same answer though.

I don't need late-night jokesters to talk about A-Rod knocking up any teenage daughter, no matter your name or fame. Yeah, I know all is fair in love, war and being funny. I have made some blunders I'd like to suck back in my big mouth trying to get a yuk.

Okay, David and his crack staff say they got the fourteen- year- old Willow, who attended the ball game that started the anti -Palin family punch lines rolling mixed up with the 18-year-old Bristol. The theory I suppose is that because the older daughter, Bristol, got pregnant and talks about the baby, jokes about her having sex is grist for a jester?

Well, first, as they say, if you can remember to take your ginko, you don't need it. David and staff: repeat after me: Willow, fourteen, Bristol, eighteen. You got older fish to fry. And even then, eighteen is not old.

Wait until your son, Harry, is that age, David--and you worry about him driving because the frontal lobe doesn't develop until you are twenty five. (Forget about your speeding tickets--you'll be too old to remember them anyway. I don't mean that as a dig--I'm in the same boat, or car in this case.) Except it's a man's world--and a boy's... Males aren't called sluts, they are studs. There are not interchangeable words for the two genders.

And would people please leave politics out of this. Left, right--it's wrong in any direction. Pundits are now pouncing on Palin for protesting the remarks against her daughter. What was she supposed to do? Say: bring it on fellows!

Hey, Dave, apologize--not with a joke, like, "Oh things are all right between the governor and me--she invited me hunting. Ha Ha Ha Read: Remember Cheney. Good comeback. Dave. But not good Dave.

I have never physically hurt anything other than a spider I was afraid would bite my daughter. But don't anybody who makes a sexual remark about my teenage daughters ask me to go hunting because I do know who is fair game.

I'd miss with the shot gun. But I sure as shooting would take aim--and fire with all my might til I got the target to wake up and smell the gun powder.

Come on, Dave: Do the right thing. You can boost your ratings with the family feud --if you are out of jokes against the Governor alone. Or you can show how you really rate.

OMG: KRIS CROWNED, SIMON FROWNED, AMERICAN IDOL NEEDS A NAME CHANGE

2009-05-26T17:17:00.007-04:00

American Idol has become my show to unwind to. I loved the contestants this season.I thought Adam was ready for the big time--an idol in waiting. Then, I picked up scuttlebutt there was a Christian movement behind Kris (not that there is anything wrong with that. Hey, it got Bush elected.) I never noticed, but the article said Kris wears crosses. The article didn't say, but everybody notices Adam paints his nails and looks more like he came from vampire country than the bible belt. But could he belt it out or what.

I didn't see the big deal. Nobody ever died from wearing a cross--well, I'll take that back. Crosses are very symbolic--but they have also become a common piece of jewlery.

Although Adam couldn't pull one off. When Adam appeared with Kiss, the I- wannabe -an -Idol didn't look that freaky. He could work the stage and hold his own with rock's weirdest and wildest.

Then, the vote came in. Simon didn't even pretend to like the verdict. His silent stare said it all.

Hey, Kris we wish you the best. But although it makes me feel like callous Cowell, Adam you were the best....

The public got that wrong. Even cute Kris seemed uncomfortable taking the crown. The moral of the story: maybe the judges should have kept that one vote they had to overrule the audience for last--and saved Adam!

My sixteen year old daughter who years ago used to phone in votes, threw up her hand and went to her room wearing her Ipod before the dueling duo duked it out on stage. It's just a popularity contest she said to Ma and Pa (that's my middle -aged husband and me, making us feel as though we were tuned to Lawrence Welk). My fourteen year old who lives for rock concerts scoffed too. They've outgrown American Idol.

More votes like this--maybe I'll see it for the unreality show it is. Anyway, the final show was spectacular--but let's rename it after this to what it's become: "That's Entertainment."

THE BACHELOR BAWLS: IN REALITY, MEN CRY

2009-03-16T01:56:00.008-04:00

For those not plugged in to this year’s ABC hit reality show: “The Bachelor,” here’s why ratings are up, and tongues are wagging. Jason, a 32-year-old single dad and insurance agent from Seattle, had to choose between twenty five competing beauties. And the winning-woman was: da-da-- Melissa, a 26-year- old Dallas -born event planner. This meant he had to reject runner up 24 -year-old department store buyer, Molly, after which he broke down sobbing (with cameras rolling, natch).

But then there came an Event that Melissa didn’t plan on and 27 million viewers watched in all its heartbreaking gory. The twosome came back to ABC- TV for the episode, "After the Final Rose", Melissa flashing her Neil Lane engagement ring from Jason. Soon though her finger was ring less as he called the whole thing off and she was calling him “a bastard” (The host of the show sat with them during this “intimate” moment, which I found peculiar.)

The real humiliation though for Melissa was that the dumping was done on TV and that Jason, father to a 4- year- old son, admitted there was another woman in the picture. Oh, yes, soon she would be sitting next to him for her tube time—Molly, the girl he had tearfully said good-bye to so he could propose to Melissa. Remember her?

Jason did—indeed, he couldn’t get her out of his mind he claimed and had to follow his heart. They are currently a couple: Molly is moving to Seattle; they talk daily and are in love.
The debate rages from the water cooler to chat shows on whether Jason was a cad.

Melissa now says once the cameras stopped rolling she saw the relationship “was heading South,” Jason claims he did what he thought what was best for everyone, and Molly says “…he is more incredible than the person you see on the show.” (Some would argue that's not hard to believe, as anything would be an improvement over his televised behavior.)

Melissa landed on her feet, for sure. She didn’t miss a beat, as shortly thereafter the ex-Dallas Cowboy cheerleader became a last-minute contestant on the ABC reality show "Dancing with the Stars," and has a beau to boot.

But there was another question that loomed over the "The Bachelor": Were Jason’ s tears real when he rejected Molly the first time? And if so, well—some maintain he should have stifled them because Big Boys Don’t Cry!

Jason says it was not a set up—they were not made for TV tears, it was a geuine outpouring.
And while I don’t condone Jason’s courting style, I say, let’s get real about men displaying tears—Big Boys Do Cry. Anybody who has been close to a guy can tell you that. They cry at movies, births and break-ups. Just as we women do—though not at other people’s weddings, as far as I know. Although a few guys may gave cried at their own.

The bigger question is why doesn’t society let them cry in public, that is? Women want equal rights—what about men? Some experts have speculated that women cry, men turn their sorrow into anger. I’d rather have teardrops falling on my head than a blunt object, thank you. Oh, if only O.J. would have cried instead of killed.

Why is it a sign of weakness for men to feel sorrow and show it? Is it that women like to think there have to be macho men who don't have “feelings”? I think the fault lies not with the man breaking down in tears—but society frowning upon these emotional responses.

Women play sports, crack jokes and do all the things once considered “masculine.” Men should be able to cook, nurture children, let the tears flow and do activities once deemed feminine. Tit for tat (no pun).

Just think, ladies, one day your prince in touch with his feminine side may not even cringe when you say “can we talk.” As the song says: why can’t a woman be more like a man? Really, why can’t a man be more like a woman? But back to "The Bachelor" ballyhoo: If Jason, the jilter was faking the tears, they should give him an acting contract. If they were true, then a drop or two or more of the real deal is just what a reality show needs.

HAIL TO THE HISTORY BOOKS

2009-01-27T18:36:00.003-05:00

Barack Hussein Obama is President of the United States. It's one giant step not only for African-Americans, or the USA--but mankind.

Now, we await the day when there's one giant step for womankind as well. As Abigail said to John: Remember the ladies...

If others won't, women must...

But for now, let nothing rain on this Inauguration Parade. Congratulations, President Obama!

ASK THE MAN WHO HAD ONE: THE GREATEST GENERATION ON THE GREAT DEPRESSION

2009-01-27T17:23:00.011-05:00

Another Great Depression? The possibility is the talk of Main and Wall Street--and the Belt Parkway.

If hindsight is 20/20, seeing today's economy through the eyes of The Greatest Generation seems worth a look. They realize it can happen because it did to them. They put stock in little--let alone the stock market after the crash.

We Baby Boomers don't have to look further then our own families. My parents are a case in point: in the high flying '90's, I bought my mom a Cartier watch, opal birthstone ring, and faux fur coat. Having cut her baby teeth during the Great Depression, she put that "fancy smancy stuff" away. Hey, she may have missed the fun of frivolity, because of her "you never know" attitude. But stash the cash was her gut reaction to the crash.

When their bodies made them homebound, I thought cheery Fruit of the Month is just what the daughter should order.The first fruit of the month club selection arrived --and I felt like the offspring of the year.

Mom: (Opening the box) Why did you send us so many bananas? Do we look like monkeys?

Dad: Don't answer that--and you know I hate brown bananas.

Baby Boomer Daughter (BBD): Since you can't get out much to buy fruit (or carry it I thought but didn't add) I wanted to keep you healthy.

Mom: Keep yourself wealthy. You paid good money for fancy wrapping paper, which nobody eats--bring a couple bananas in a brown bag.

Dad: Plus, her back will act up from making so much banana bread. Then, she'll be living on Advil. Mama Mia (he said with his Italian-American accent). Do I look like I own a Korean fruit stand. I don't think you'll ever hear us say (singing)--yes, we have no bananas, we have no bananas today...

Mom: Don't try to be Caruso.

Dad: I thought I sounded like one of the Sex Pistols.

Mom: I shouldn’t have humored you all these years. Or your daughter with her high-falutin' ways.

BBD: Next month you get oranges--filled with Vitamin C, which Linus Pauling swore cuts colds!

Dad: I'll be damned. Linus-- wasn’t he Charlie Brown’s friend who always needed a blanket?

Mom: Forget him. What about me?! Oranges? Are you trying to kill me? You know I'm allergic to oranges.

BBD: Well, you can give some to the neighbors. Spread the wealth--uh--I mean--

Dad: Now, we’re going to feed the whole neighborhood? Plus you know I try not to eat oranges in front of your mother--it could set off a craving. Forbidden fruit.

BBD: Okay, the next month, you get, let me see, apples. Ma you always said an apple a day keeps the doctor away!

Dad: Yeah, when you have teeth to bite them--your poor mother slaving over a stove again making apple sauce.

Mom: What?! You're going to give us enough fruit for the Brady Bunch over and over? We don't have enough worries. Is this a life sentence?

BBD: No, I just charged it for a year--

Dad: Charged it?! I'm eating unpaid for food?

BBD: Yeah, but look at the next selection--it's the combo tropical special-- kiwi and pineapple.

Dad: Pineapples weigh a ton. Do I look like Arnold Schwarzenegger? And you pay for shipping when you could just walk to the corner?

Mom: We'll wind up supporting her careless ways with our Social Security checks.

Dad: We should be so lucky. They’re always warning we could run out of money. They scare us out of our wits--then wonder why we keel over from heart attacks--the numbero uno killer after The Sopranos.

Mom: Plus we're still fighting the insurance company for the big bills after your Dad's by pass. All you can be sure of with insurance is they make you cough up the premiums.

Dad: Count on no one. That's what we learned in the Great Depression. Don't count on the government. By the time FDR stepped in, your mother's father—gentlest man in the world-- almost shot his kids rather than see them starve.

Mom: And he was a Quaker. He didn't believe in violence. He had to steal a gun from a neighbor. Poor dad--him and mom never slept in the same bedroom again, he felt so guilty for having too many mouths to feed. And he almost became a Jehovah's Witness because they don't eat meat.

Dad: The only thing you can count on is death and taxes. Oh, yeah, they get you on the way out--'til death do us part

.Mom: Yeah, and don't put your faith in big business. We busted our butts for those big shots' bonuses.

BBD: Well, you can count on me. (Laughter almost drowned out the reply)

Dad: You mean well, honey--but you think money grows on fruit trees. When I was fourteen--

BBD: I heard this story 14 times.

Dad: And you still didn't get it. 15 might be the charm. My father forged papers so I could quit high school which I loved. I got shipped to California at Christmas with the WPA and picked oranges off the trees at Camp Mosquito to keep a roof over my family's heads in New Jersey. But I wasn’t under that roof with them for four years. Now, how do you like those oranges?

BBD: You mean apples?

Mom: (looking at the fruit of the month list in the box) No, oranges--apples is the next month.

Dad: I mean: does she get it? Depend on yourself! Now and forever--no matter what the politicians say.

And those were my father's famous last words on the subject of bailouts. His words are still fresh today--although I baked and ate a lot of fruit pies along with a humble one that year before I saw Dad was right on the money.

REAL TALK: WHEN IS CHRISTMAS SHOPPING, ACTUALLY SHOPPING.

2008-12-24T10:07:00.003-05:00

On Christmas Eve day I received the following email from amazon.com where I had bought a complex toy--with many components, one dependent upon another. This is what I received.

.Greetings from Amazon.com,
We're sorry, but the following order from Hubbagames has been canceled.
We apologize for any inconvenience.
==================================================ORDER DETAILS==================================================
1 of Wii Fit with Mat Bundle for Nintendo Wii
Your credit card was not charged for the order. To view your transactionstatus online, please visit:
http://www.amazon
Thank you for shopping at Amazon.com.
Amazon.com

The bottom line: They end with thanking me for shopping with them. Actually, didn't the letter inform me I had not shopped with them?

Merry Christmas--and I mean it--to all...and to all a wonderful year!

NOVEMBER 4, 2008: HISTORY IN THE MAKING--AND THE WAITING

2008-11-06T15:51:00.008-05:00

Did you ever read something that opened your eyes and changed the way you viewed the world? I did as a young girl. I read a story in one of my grandmother's women's magazines. The heroine, came to feel like my friend, as she talked about herself.

She spoke with great frustration about how she tried and tried, but couldn't get the job or lead the life she wanted due to a handicap. She never said though what it was that held her back until the end. Then, she revealed, much to my dying curiosity and surprise, it was because she was a Negro, the term used to describe an African-American at that time. Her plight stayed imbedded in my mind.

No matter who you were for in the Presidential campaign this year, virtually every American had to feel we had broken down a door we didn't even feel could be knocked on, let alone passed through by a person of color."Free at last, free at last..." Martin Luther King, Jr.'s words of some forty years ago played once again in black and white on our now color TVs. God had truly blessed America -the first African-American had been elected President of the United States. For that, we all had reason to be elated and celebrate. History was made.

Of course, as women we also care about "herstory," and I thought of the woman I became "friends" with as a child in that ladies' magazine. The story didn't say it, but as a girl, I instinctively knew it. There were two handicaps that had to be overcome--race and sex.

Eighteen million cracks may have been put in the glass ceiling during the campaign, but we still have to break through it. So, today let us take pride in President-Elect Obama's--and America's--victory. But let us not stop thinking about tomorrow...

THE LAST WORD ON REAL TALK: A SAVVY GUIDE TO THE HIDDEN MEANINGS BEHIND WHAT PEOPLE SAY

2008-09-21T11:49:00.015-04:00

As the Presidential campaign draws to a close, I remember back in 1992 when I was on book tour and Bill Clinton was running against George Herbert Walker Bush.

My first child was on the way, and I used to say I didn't know what would come out first, the baby or the book. The book beat the baby by a month.

It was before anyone was using the word spin. But I had noticed how often people didn't say what they meant--everywhere from the bedroom to the boardroom. to the campaign trail, for sure.

When our first child was being conceived, I was nursing a recently dear divorced cousin who was answering personal ads. She had been attracted to one that had said "an exotic man was looking for a woman to make a committment." She should have known in Real Talk that would turn out to mean an illegal alien was looking for a way to get admitted to the country. It would have saved her much grief.

Yes, a little book, Real Talk: A Savvy Guide to the Hidden Meanings Behind What People Say, was born along with my tiny baby. But I adored the latter more.

Still, I was invited on hundreds of talk shows translating the words of everybody from politicians to realtors. Then, I became too busy planning my daughter's Christening and hung up my mic, giving up a number of big opportunities for little old me.

Well, it is 2008 and spin is in--people refer to it often. Bill O'Reilly, who I remember watching as a TV Celebrity Tabloid reporter, turned interpreting spin in to a fine art with a huge following. I became a Stay at Home Mom with two toddlers following me everywhere--yes, even the bathroom. Writing and going on the high-profile shows as an expert became out of the question. I was lucky to do a talk show for women like myself--from an at-home studio.

Now, my darling daughters are teens in high school and dissecting the words of Obama, McCain, Biden and Palin. I sometime whip out an article for the local paper, in addition to my regular gig on The Dary Day Show. Reverend Wright and this election certainly motivated me to write.

Listening to the pols stomping 16 years later I wondered what happened to what I had written before closing my laptop so I could bounce my babies on my lap. I had been offered a position as a communications and relationship expert on network TV in my Glory Days. But would they still love me, would they still need me when I was well not 64...but was definitely ready for a botox commercial?

I began making up a resume , as I now prepared for a new chapter in my life called Empty Nest Syndrome.

I searched on Amazon.com to see if my book was even still in print, and there I saw it listed for sale for two cents (used). Well, at least I got to give my two cents worth to someone, and I loved reading that the book was very marked up. I felt like buying it to see what the reader(s) had liked or disliked.

The highest priced copy was on sale for $21.95--not the original $12.95. It was promoted as a "Collectible," no less! I was impressed with myself until I saw it was described as "in excellent condition -never been read." It had been collecting dust as I had been wiping it up all those years. Aha, so that's what a Collectible means. Well, maybe I could reenter the work place full force--from all that I read and hear, there's still it seems a need for someone to translate what people say into Real Talk.

WHY REAL WOMEN DON'T HAVE TIME TO BLOG

2008-07-22T15:17:00.011-04:00

Wow, I looked at my last post--and it was like back to the future.

There has been so much I wanted to blog about--but real women don't have time to blog.

Real women are filling out more forms than the Army requires to send their kids to drama camp. My daughter was innoculated enough to go to Africa, even though she was only going to the Catskills to study acting and hip-hop.

Speaking of Africa, (this is called multi-blogging or rambling mind), I am helping to put together a photography exhibit for Annabel Clark, a very talented photographer. You may know her wonderful book on which she collaborated with her mother, the actress Lynn Redgrave. It is the very moving Journal: A Mother and Daughter's Recovery From Breast Cancer.

Ah, wonderful women. I had the privelege of helping to host a book party for BonnieLow-Kramen, author of Be the Ultimate Assistant--and Bonnie has been one to Oscar-winning actress Olympia Dukakis and Louis Zorich for 22 years. What a book, what a woman--I keep it on my desk and nightstand (the book, not Bonnie)!

Books, books, we get stacks and stacks of books on the Dary Day Show. We're taking a hiatus now to put on our "mom hats, " but as soon as we return one of our favorite guests best-selling biographer, Christopher Anderson, will be on to talk about his very inspiring book: SOMEWHERE IN HEAVEN: THE REMARKABLE LOVE STORY OF DANA AND CHRISTOPHER REEVE .

Up in heaven now, is one of my favorite all time guests, Tim Russert. I think of Tim on our show--so gracious treating me as he would a President or Secretary of State. Well, actually a lot better. LOL Tim spoke so lovingly of his Dad and son, Luke. I saw Luke on TV. Big Russ, Tim's Dad had a signaturer saying: What a Country! About Luke: I can only say: What a son! You have every right to be a proud papa, Tim. I love Tom Brokaw--another guest we love having on our show. But I am sure Tom would join me in saying Meet the Press will never be the same without Tim. And who in this hi-tech age is going to hold up a little white board with handwriting on it and say: "....."Florida, Florida, Florida. .." What zest, what passion for politics. We all lost, when Tim left us way too soon.

Well, I'm off to see one of the apples of my eyes--my fourteen year old daughter: she is performing in a play this year with a Southern accent. If I didn't know better I would think Meryl Streep was her Mama Mia. You're welcome for the plug, Meryl. I know you need it LOL. My darling daughter last year went around speaking with an English accent so long her sister threatened her with bodily harm or a man in a white coat taking us all away if "the drama queen," didn't start going around saying "whatever" and "cool" like a normal teen again, ok.

Drama nerds as they are also known at our house are a special breed. This year "entertaining" tee-shirts are the must-have apparel at camp. I spent five days searching down tees with sayings such as: "IN AN EMERGENCY BREAKDANCE" -SHE DIDN'T GET IT); "MAKE ART, NOT WAR" (SHE GOT THAT, UNFORTUNATELY); "NERDS HAVE BIGGER HARD DRIVES" (WE ARE STILL DEBATING IF THIS HAS SEXUAL OVERTONES--SHE DOESN'T THINK SO BUT THEN AGAIN SHE JUST TURNED FOURTEEN). Others still under scrutiny for not being morally correct are: "SHAKE IT LIKE A SALT SHAKER" (WITH AN ILLUSTRATION OF TWO KIDS SHAKING THEIR BUTTS) AND "SOLAR ENERGY MAKES ME HOT" (BUT IT DOES, MOM, ASK AL GORE). Al Gore? Remember the kiss with Tipper.

Meanwhile I had to sign a contract for my oldest daughter's Sweet Sixteen party--and was warned that I had to check their water bottles as they may have poured in vodka. OMG Yes, I can just see them now saying: Oh, yes I should have had a V-8. More about this later.

I am steamed up over "f-me heels"--otherwise known as stilettos. Why did sweet Kelly Ripa hold a race in them. Visions of Chinese women's bound feet dance through my head. Truly, did we baby boomers burn our bras just so we would need breast lifts (well, make mine a fork lift). I've got to do a whole post about this one for sure!

Oh, gosh, there was more I wanted to mention...but as the old saying goes, If you can remember to take your ginko, you don't need it. I can't even recall where my Ginko is. And I'm sorry it looks as though I couldn't find my blog for a month and a half too. But Real Women really don't even have time to read blogs--let alone peck one out.

AND THE VEEP IS...

2008-06-05T23:21:00.003-04:00

Obama is meeting with Hillary as I type this.

Does Obama want her?

No.

Will he take her?

If he needs her to win and is wise, yes.

He appointed Caroline Kennedy to be on his committee to choose his Vice-President.

JFK chose LBJ for VP--even though the animosity was great.

So, will Obama take Hillary to be his lawfully selected veep?

Yes, if he needs her in order to be in a situation where he needs a Vice President.

A DAY FOR THE HISTORY BOOKS

2008-06-05T20:08:00.005-04:00

Senator Barack Obama was declared the official Presidential candidate of the Democratic party.

It was one gigantic step for the African-American community--and an even larger one for the USA.

Nothing--devisive primaries,a biased national press,Hillary holding back her concession speech,debate about who should be veep...can take away from the importance of this historical day.

SECRETS OF A SOCCER MOM: JUST THE KICK I NEEDED

2008-04-23T17:29:00.011-04:00

If you are a mother, run to the Snapple Theatre in New York City and see the new Kathleen Clark play, Secrets of a Soccer Mom., directed by Tony-Award winner Judith Ivey. Your kids don't play soccer? No problem. Soccer moms are really all mothers who are trying to do their best by their kids, often losing big chunks of their own dreams and ambitions in the process.

Three actresses, each of a different age group, are on stage--and yet make you feel you are on a soccer field at a moms-against-the sons game. Of course, the moms are going to let their sons win. Shouldn't they? Don't you hold yourself back so your kids can get ahead? Isn't that modern day motherhood, which if unchecked could turn into martyrdom?

To me, that is one critical question the women grapple with at Snapple Theatre on Broadway and Fiftieth Street--and that mothers everywhere struggle with each day.

As the talented actresses talk about throwing the game, they also find themselves tossing out juicy gossipy tidbits and secret after secret to each other. One woman is having an affair with a school coach. Another feels the other moms look down upon her. The gifted playwright could have been peeking in our windows, because this is straight from our real lives. Nothing is taboo here including chatting about how many times a week the moms have sex, which gets a big rise (no pun) from the audience which resembles Harper--or any--Valley PTA. (This is a great outing for groups.)

By the end, the women must choose if they will give the game their all. Should they shine even if it means not putting their sons above themselves? One mom, an ex-jock, as muscular as Madonna, is pumped up to do just this. Will her gutsy drive win over the others? How will their children feel if the moms say, hey, I have a right to make the most of myself? Moreover, how will the moms feel about themselves as women--and mothers?

You'll find yourself cheering one way or another--and you'll discover more about yourself before the curtain falls.

Well, that was the burning issue Secrets of a Soccer Mom I was so grateful this touching, laugh-out-loud play turns the spotlight on. I recognized each character from my own children's playground and especially identified with the over-extended mother whose schedule, like her bulging tote bag, is so crammed, she checks her calendar and then tells another mom: "Call me between nine and 9:10 tomorrow."

Indeed, I laughingly bought an incriminating coffee mug with that slogan on it in the lobby, which was set up like a chic boutique for playgoers. And there are more parent perks: the matinee began at eleven a.m so we could get home to pick our kids up at school, there's champagne to sip, a free massage chair to sooth, and discounts at nearby restaurants. Why not get take out for dinner--while you take in this witty, wonderful comedy that will give you lots of food for thought. But best of all Secrets of a Soccer Mom gives you something to chew on.

I adored the ending. I won't spill it and spoil your day at the play, but it made me mull over the way I'm going to spend my own children's school years, and oh, yes, my life. Who could ask for anything more?

MEMORABLE MERYL STREEP: HIGHLIGHTS OF THE FILM SOCIETY OF LINCOLN CENTER GALA TRIBUTE

2008-04-14T23:07:00.015-04:00

Dustin Hoffman, Al Pacino, Robert DeNiro, Robert Redford--what do they all have in common? They are A list actors who have co-starred with Meryl Streep. Meryl--the actress who holds the record for receiving the most Oscar nominations--was paid tribute to last evening at Lincoln Center.

I've watched actors and directors honored year after year at this annual black-tie tribute. But I have never seen anybody receive such applause from the standing room only audience. Everyone at Avery Fisher Hall was on their feet giving a standing ovation at the mere mention of Meryl's name, when the opening montage of her movies flashed across the screen.

The first star to pay tribute to Meryl was Robert Redford. I had met his actress daughter in New York City--and all that struck me is he doesn't look old enough to have an adult daughter. Redford spoke of Meryl's craft and how he was in awe of it.

Up next was Robert DeNiro--a heavy hitter, for sure. The way it works at the tribute is you watch a clip of one of Meryl's many movies--and from that you guess who the next speaker will be. A scene from The Deerhunter played--and then out of the darkness, DeNiro appeared on the stage.

He was funny. Looking down at his notes, he talked about how he and Meryl were going to sell DVDs of The Deerhunter out in the lobby (because none of us clapping had gone to see it), about how he felt when was asked to speak about Streep. He said to the chair of the event (she lines up the speakers), should I talk about what a great actress Meryl is? He was told no we have others who can do that better than you. Well, then Meryl's role in cinema?. No, we have more authoritative experts than you for that too, DeNiro claimed he was informed. What then? DeNiro asked. Tell anecdotes. The crowd wants to hear stories.

The super star said he could come up with no anecdote about Meryl. So, he became desperate as this night grew near. He thought of using stories about other people in film he knew--and just substituting Meryl's name. But he said Streep and Scorsese just weren't that interchangeable. Marty Scorsese, of course, is Bob's bff. Robert the Great jokingly said he even thought of trading anecdotes with others. He would offer Barbra Streisand stories for a good whopper about Meryl--but he had no takers.

So, he said that he would talk about the real reason for being there. Ta ta: he wanted to make another movie with Meryl! Who doesn't? But he couldn't get her agent on the phone, since he had left CAA (the hot Hollyood rep). Now, the top agency to the stars wasn't taking DeNiro's calls! Right--the Godfather would take DeNiro's call. DeNiro said he didn't know if the ticket he had bought for the gala was high enough in price to get him in to the after party, which the crowd was decked out for, red carpet style.

So, DeNiro looked up at Meryl, sitting in a box in the theatre with the other celebrities and her family, and he said, "...so call me Meryl." He ended his congratulations speech, with a motion that signaled phone me! You got the impression he wasn't kidding.

The bottom line is: DeNiro doesn't come out easily to these events. I saw him at a dinner for Billy Crystal. Bobby had flubbed his lines which he was reading from a telepromppter that night, and when Billy teased him and said he needed another take, Bobby came up and gave his co-star of Analyze This and Analyze That a big kiss and hug. You got the feeling he and Crystal were buds--but like everyone else, DeNiro is in professional awe of the mighty Meryl.

Uma Thurman was worshipful. She said Hollywood actresses fall in to two groups: Meryl Streep--and then everyone else. Uma is also really tall, and her long legs slipped through her sleek gown. She's nice--I had not seen her since her split with Ethan Hawke. She seemed none the worse for the divorce.

Stanley Tucci who just played with Meryl in the Devil Wears Prada said when you ask anyone what it is like to work with Meryl--they have one word: "DON'T." SHE IS JUST TOO GIGANTIC OF A TALENT. In short, anyone pales beside her.

Others who toasted the grand dame of acting were Christopher Walken, Garrison Keilor, Amy Adams who was nominated for as Oscar for Junebug. Amy said she didn't even have enough courage to write Meryl a thank you which is customary on a movie set when they did the filme Doubt together. She got up the gumption now. Yes, Meryl brings out reverence in people. This would be no roast.

And yet I remember Meryl at one of these award dinners when her co-host Jack Nicholson was a no show. "Well, I guess I'm not a co-ho," Meryl had quipped, "I'm just a ho." Meryl is not reverential. She's fun.

Directors Jonathen Demme and Mike Nichols spoke of her with adoration. Except Mike, Diane Sawyer's husband made one jab. Pointing to his nose, which is of lengthy proportion--he said Meryl and I can't be in the same room because of our noses.

Then Meryl took the stage.

"Oh, how I dreaded this evening," she began sighing dramatically. "First," she said, "there was the dress." She pulled at her black long sleeved, demure designer gown. No slit skirts for her. "Then," she said, "there was the family--the relatives. Oh, gosh, I'll send the actors presents tomorrow, but the family will just get a nod."

She lamented laughingly how one wanted to sit next to Uma, and another wanted to sit next to some one else. "And, oh God, we still have the party yet," Meryl complained laughingly as if she were facing a family Thanksgiving dinner.

What I like about Meryl is she loves motherhood and being a wife as much as acting I think. She thanked her husband--an artist--the most and then her girls. She once said at another event, she got the same high watching her daughter as she did acting. When all is said and done, she seems just Meryl the Mom,not Meryl the movie star. She seems, well, like one of us.

Only with extraordinary talent. She acted out a story of how when she was 18, a drama teacher at Vassar taught her to cry, even though she wasn't remotely sad. She
was a music major she emphasized. She didn't want to be a drama major because they were "flaky," she said, looking mischievously at her actor friends. She could have gotten another Oscar nom on the spot for how comically she imitated her quite pompous drama professor.

She took many dramatic and entertaining bows--you got the feeling she wanted to give the crowd their money's worth. The closing montage of her movies from Silkwood with Cher to the tearjerker Sophie's Choice will always make her memorable. It also showed she can really sing and ended with a clip of her latest film--Mama Mia , in which she really belts it out. Her fans will be pleasantly shocked to see her remind them of Julie Andrews.

For me though that spring night, sitting with my husband as old as hers almost, holding his hand, I will remember Meryl for this: making my leading man forget for a couple short hours that he had just come from a critical medical consultation, for making him not have to focus on his troubles. As she gazed adoringly at her long-time husband, I couldn't help but think this is how Meryl would have felt if our roles were reversed.

But then again that's what the wonderful world of movies and make-believe are all about. I thought of how popular movies were during The Great Depression, when people had much to escape from in their own lives. And that is why I liked being there to pay tribute the magic of film making and the achievement--and character--of Meryl Streep.

THE FILM "YOUNG@HEART" HONORS MY FATHER

2008-04-14T04:52:00.006-04:00

Did you ever see a man in his eighties dance on a walker and sing "Living on a Prayer." That was my dear Dad six days before he died three years ago.

It was the 4th of July and Dad, never one for pity or to be a party pooper, although in great pain, sang and danced along at our holiday barbecue as bravely as he had fought in two wars. As he kept beat with that walker which bounced across our patio deck to the tune of "We Are Family,", I thought "Oh, my God," what if he keels over?" My aunt (old enough herself for Willard Scott to wish her Happy Birthday on the Today Show) said to me, "I thought the same thing--but it would have been the way to go, honey..."

Dad didn't go softly into the night--he went nobly. He went out with a song and a dance...fighting his failing body all the way. Today is his birthday--he would have been 85.

Dad had been a drummer when he was young. My husband loves to sing--and dad would chime in. Every Saturday a long-haired voice and guitar teacher we adored used to come over and give my husband and Dad a lesson. I got one too. I learned that older people don't have to spend their final days in rockers--they can rock on. My Dad would ask the music teacher if he knew songs like "You Are My Sunshine" and other oldies but goodies. But when the rocker/teacher didn't, my darling Dad would just join in and belt out "I Can't Get No Satisfaction" and "I Feel Good."

There is a wonderful film that captures his spirit--it's called Young@Heart. It is the story of The Young@Heart Chorus, which is made up of a group of senior citizens who sing rock songs, as my dad did. But they perfected and performed them forr the public. They met and practiced about three times a week to get ready for their concerts around the world. They needed walkers, have had heart attacks--and two choir members pass on during the course of the filming. Ah, but the beat and tour goes on. One older gent talks in to the camera and tells us he's not worried about cancer coming back. Then he says, "Did I convince you?"

He convinced me as my Dad did that older folks can be the bravest people in the world--and we're lucky to have them as role models. I used to try to tell those who didn’t know my Dad, how courageous and uncomplaining he was in his final days. Now, I can just say, go see Young@Heart.

For a preview, log on to google right now, type in Young@Heart-Staying Alive, then click on You Tube. If you have elderly relatives, have them run (not walk) on their walkers if need be, to see Young@Heart and watch it with them. You'll see the elderly in a new light. It should be rated R--for required viewing by all ages. It is more than the novelty of watching older folks sing rock 'n roll--the music of rebellion. It is about older people rebelling against the restrictions their bodies and society try to put on them. It is about how they don't let anyone reign in their spirits. It is about all those who forever stay Young@Heart.

ARE THE DEMOCRATS WINNING THE PRESIDENCY FOR THE REPUBLICANS?

2008-04-13T12:32:00.014-04:00

Right to Run

Hillary has the right to run until the bitter end. Bitter is a key word--one that set off a backlash against Obama. The Clintons were busy flubbing up on their own. Their botched Bosnia story is starting to look like a skit on Saturday Night Live.

The longer Obama and the Clinton camp duke it out, the more bloodied they will be. They are giving the Republicans a gift. They are both doing the dirty work for McCain's campaign.

Now, this is fine--if they don't care if a Republican takes the Presidency. But maybe to paraphrase JFK's famous phrase, Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what your country can do for your country, perhaps it's time for the Democratic candidates to answer this: Ask not what the Democratic Party can do for you, ask what you can do for the Democratic Party.

Again, I'm not saying Hillary should call it a day. I just wonder if she and Barack had shook hands, and come out fighting as a team long ago if they would be in a better position to beat say McCain and Rice--the ticket the Republican nominee now has the free time to bandy about.

There was a talk of a Democratic dream team many primaries ago. Yes, they would have had to huddle and decide who would be on top. But could that answer be neither of them come the fall because they were wounded in battle. Just asking.

Is ending the war in Iraq more important to them, then stopping the war between themselves. It's a quesion I put to both Clinton and Obama. I can't help but ponder if historians will be asking it when President McCain is sworn in.

THAT THREE A.M. PHONE CALL TO THE PRESIDENT

2008-03-26T08:21:00.004-04:00

There was much ado about Hillary's commercial showing the red phone ringing at 3 a.m. Saturday Night Live, even did a skit on it.

But let us say the unspoken--let us talk about the white elephant in the room, so to speak.

If that red phone rang in the middle of the night, Americans know if Hillary answered she would say, "Bill, what would you do?" in so many words.

And so those who liked what he said when he was President, can sleep in peace. That is what the message of that ad is really about.

For those who counter Bill would be off playing around, never under estimate the power of a politician like Bill to multi-task. Bill may forever be chasing skirts, but he loves the seat of power.

DOES BEING A FIRST LADY HELP PREPARE YOU TO RUN THE COUNTRY?

2008-03-25T22:04:00.006-04:00

If you were Pat Nixon, no. Richard Nixon, reportedly, was one of the rare Presidents who never really discussed anything with his wife.

If you were Eleanor Roosevelt--Hillary's role model, even from the other side, yes.

And let us not forget that President Wilson's wife ran the country as he lay too ill unable to do so...

And let us remember Hillary and Bill ran as a two for one team. Hillary Rodham Clinton wasn't baking cookies.

DITTO: AS I SAID WATCH THE DEMOCRATS DECONSTRUCT

2008-03-25T21:57:00.002-04:00

Well, as I said awhile back: watch the Democrats deconstruct.

If it keeps up, pretty soon I will change this post from Ditto to past tense: watch how the Democrats deconstructed after President McCain is sworn in.

The Spitzer Spin-Off: The New York Porn

2008-03-15T07:33:00.012-04:00

A nearly nude young girl stared out at us at breakfast from the front of the newspaper.

Yes, there is my teen daughter doing some last minute studying at the breakfast table, and I open the New York Post--make that New York Porn--to show I am keeping up on current events. I think I am being a good role model.

Between sips of her orange juice, my daughter is reading me her essay on John Adams and Hamilton and the politicians during our early days as a country. Many died to give us that free nation.

I am reading about the men that followed in our forefathers' footsteps. This morning that consists of seeing a nearly nude young girl cupping her breasts on the front page of the newspaper and getting fame and fortune for satisfying the sexual needs of a man old enough to be her father for money who happened to be our Governor.

My daughter is going away to school. She has applied to one that had a sex scandal. I tell her about it as a cautionary tale. She waves her hand at the newspaper and says, There's sex scandals everywhere, mom. Haven't you noticed?

I quickly flip the page of the naked twenty something...only to discover that there is page after page of the nude flavor of the month... It's as if I am reading Playgirl at the breakfast table. The story of Obama and his preacher friend was buried way after the nude layouts.

Was showing this girl over and over uncovered by clothes really the way to cover the story? Maybe the editor of the New York Post should go back to school and take Journalism 101 if he doesn't want his paper to be renamed the New York Porn .

But then since the hooker made so much money, I guess the Post feels they should use a hooker's flesh to bring in the bucks too. Talk about pressing the flesh.

Well, my daughter got her history lesson from the Post today. My daughter had stayed up until 2 a.m. studying how we financed the revolution (that was truly the topic she had to give a speech on) because some kids in her study group didn't do their share of the project. She was legitimately griping about how it wasn't fair that she had to work so hard while they slacked off and took the easy way out.

I couldn't help but think if she wondered about how another young girl just used her body to get fortune and five times the press coverage of those aspiring to be another John Adams.

Thank you New York Post for printing all the photos that are unfit to print and then some... I think I'll find another way to show my girls how to keep up on current events. Your paper should have been in the porn section or come with an X-Rating Warning and Brown Cover. Or maybe it's safer to stick to reading the cereal box...Food for thought.

Oh, yes, the New York Post is the conservative paper. And to be fair, at the bottom of the front page nude photo, the Post did put "Bad Girl." Maybe they should have added "Bad Paper." But then again this story is about hypocrisy. Maybe they got the essence of the story just right.

SEE HILL RUN, WATCH OBAMA JUMP--LOOK AT THE DEMOCRATS DECONSTRUCT

2008-03-07T18:54:00.010-05:00

Obama was the great new hope--Oprah in politics, JFK reincarnated...

Then along came Ohio, Rhode Island and Texas--and Obama changed.

A member of his campaign team called Hillary "a monster," another staffer told the Canadian government to disregard official campaign rhetoric as just politics, the Clinton camp compared the Obamiams to the abomitable Ken Starr... How low can they go? I think we haven't seen anything yet.

By the time the Pennsylvania primary is upon us, the two Democrats left running will be so bloodied by the campaigning, they will have beaten--each other. Right now, they are both running for--not against McCain.

DID FLORIDA AND MICHIGAN SECEDE FROM THE USA?

2008-03-06T07:06:00.015-05:00

Hello, lest it has skipped anybody's mind or they've had their heads in the beach sand, the residents of Florida and Michigan, are American citizens. They have paid their dues--taxes, maybe risked getting shot defending their country.

Is it really going to kill us--to give the right to vote in a real instead of a faux primary to those who may have died fighting for the U.S.A.?

And if the system denies these newly minted "second class?" American citizens their rightful say, to me that is taxation without representation. Isn't that one reason why we broke away from England? Remember the Bosoton Tea Party? How about a Biscayne Bay or Lake Michigan revolt against the party?

I say, allow the citizens from Florida and Michigan to have their votes be equal to every other American's. If that means holding a primary, so be it? What price democracy?

Do not disenfranchise these voters through bureauacratic bungling and technical flubs--don't make them the new "chads" and "dimples" this go-round.

Otherwise, no matter who wins, we all lose the true meaning of the word election!

LET'S HEAR FROM THE EQUALLY GREAT STATES OF FLORIDA AND MICHIGAN! LET'S GET OUT THE VOTE--NOT REMOVE VOTERS FROM OUR MUCH-FOUGHT FOR DEMOCRATIC PROCESS!

HILLARY LAYS IT ON THE LINE IN OHIO

2008-03-05T00:12:00.006-05:00

Hillary was truly overjoyed in Ohio. Just Hillary, with noncontroversial, sweet Chelsea at her side. Bay boy Bill from Carolina campaigning was needed in D.C. In Real Talk, he was not wanted or needed at her side for now.

Yet, truly he must have had a hand or his handlers did in her best lines this critical night. Hillary made Democrats remember in recent times, no candidate has captured the Presidency, without declaring victory in Ohio first. As Ohio goes, so goes the nation she said, pounding the point home. I thought the old saying was as Maine goes..

No matter, what she is really saying is: you want change, you're going to have to change this political fact.

What she's really implying is: Democrats I won the big states. Want them? Come and get me. I'm not giving them up. Barack, baby, you're going to need all the charisma you have. Unfortunately, for Hillary, Obama's charisma runneth over. The question is does it run far enough to take him to the White House. Stay tuned.

AND OBAMA WON THE SPEECH--AND MADE A MASTERFUL POLITICAL STROKE

2008-03-04T23:55:00.005-05:00

Hillary just gave her victory speech in Ohio; Barack spoke from deep in the heart of Texas.

The difference is Obama always sounds like it comes from the heart--the man can talk. Does the term the great communicator come to mind? Ah, combine that with the charisma of JFK. Ovey (learn it Obama--you could stand to brush up on your Yiddish).

The pundits are dissecting the speeches. They are talking about Obama's keeping that spotlight on Iraq. Smart.

But what they are not picking up is Obama did something mighty clever. He lumped Hillary and McCain together. Whew--does that put Hillary in enemy territory.

Whew, does that make her and John old Washington. More important though, how really smart to try to strike them out with the same bat and hard ball.

Will Hillary Go Softly Into the Night?

2008-03-04T17:37:00.002-05:00

Hell, no, she won't go.

The polls haven't begun to close--but here is my prediction:

Hillary will not quit even if she just wins Ohio.

If she takes both Ohio and Rhode Island, she's in...

Anything more, she'll ask her house husband to call the movers.

Stay tuned.

BILL: THE COMEBACK CAMPAIGNER?

2008-03-04T02:32:00.011-05:00

It is the night before the Texas and Ohio primaries, and even if you aren't deep in the heart of campaign country, just checking out C-Span shows that Bill has gotten his groove back.

Just ask yourself this he challenges the crowd. At the end of Hillary's term as President, ask yourself: Am I better off than I was four years ago, am I more secure from terrorists? Whew, she is going to make us richer and safer, thinks the cheering crowd. This is music to the voters' ears. This is vintage, victorious Clinton.

Bill the Great Politician appears to be back,focusing on making Hillary sound electable, not trying to make Barack, attackable. Obama has a coat of teflon on him, Bill. Haven't you noticed? Trying to scrape it off with your barbs leaves Hillary damaged not America's flavor of the year. You were picking on America's latest golden knight on a white horse, but it was making Hillary fall from grace.

Well, Mr. Vice president/First Spouse hopeful you seemed to have changed tactics in the race. The question is are you a few days and delegates late?

SAY GOOD NIGHT, HILLARY

2008-03-02T20:41:00.007-05:00

Stop saying you are honored to be on the stage with Obama one minute (your finest moment of late) and then say shame on you the next.

Focus on your own strengths, don't try to tear him down with petty points and bickering.

Indeed, you're going downhill in your campaigning, Hill, soiling your reputation on the way. So, if you don'tshape UP fast, you need to take a cue from George Burns: Say Good Night, Hillary.

Senator Clinton: "Good Night, Hillary"

BYE BYE TO EMPTY NEST SYNDROME

2008-02-19T00:04:00.014-05:00

I don't do depression. It's too depressing. I'm too action oriented and am afraid of the actions depressed people take. I do anxiety, nervousness. I just overload my plate until I feel like a nervous wreck. So, Emypty Nest Syndrome was my first brush with impending doom and gloom.

See, I like the chaos kids bring. On the worst days, when I need a mega-supply of Calgon, Hagen Daz and Valium to calm down a few notches, I still opt for kids. It's business, it's life. I'll take it even when it's bad--like when my teenager brings tears to my eyes because she talks to me as if I'm a telemarketer who called on Thanksgiving.

So, I've enjoyed giving them roots--except now they are ready to sprout wings. I have gone into mourning. Regrets? I should have had more children. Kick, kick. Everytime I see the V-8 commercial, I feel like thumping my forehead and saying I should have had more kids.

I have a life. I have a talk show, I write, I volunteer, I have friends, I have a great husband... I would like to say I got along without my children before I had them, so I'll get along...

But I wasn't totally happy without kids, at least not since I was one myself. Even when I taught second grade in my '20's, I could have adopted any one of my students. It just made me want little tykes who threw paper airplanes when I wasn't looking more. I wanted my house full--not just my classroom.

I became a writer and love being creative. But what compares to creating a human life. I know now I shouldn't have stopped at two children--but I'm too old and poor to have more. So, that's all, folks.

One friend said, oh they still come home. Yeah, if they don't settle in Oshkosh.
Another said, in the end, it's you and your mate. Maybe. I have a few friends left without husbands, as it seems so is most of the state of Florida when I visit.
No. This is it. I am back where I started--alone. Actually, more so. My mom and dad are gone now. I have no sisters or brothers. Plus I am physically limited and pretty much house bound. I can get out about once a week. So, I started getting down. Then, I realized the solution.

Accept reality. Yes, I may be alone. So, I better think of lots of things to do on my own. I have surrendered to it. I will stop getting all teary eyed about how fast my kids grew. I will resist thinking of how much I will miss their laughter filling our home.

I'll turn on the TV if I want noise. Yes, I'll try forming groups: bridge, anyone? Chess? I need to choose sit-down activities. A writers group. A reading club. Maybe if I can afford it, I'll go some place where there are others facing their golden years. I'm an older mom though, and I hate doing that when my kids are still in college. Yeah, honey, bring the gang home and we'll whoop it up with the 55 and older set. I don't think so.

But maybe we'll downsize to a condo. It's only my husband and me for as long as we have each other. Yeah, first steps and playdates are long gone, as are my wrinkle free skin, a perky bust and size five figure. That's the way the body crumbles.

But once I accepted that the old part of my life is over, it was easier in a way. You can't fight kids growing up. When you fall in love with a man, you hope you'll be together forever. You love your children just as much, but they are just lent to you for 18 years. That's the deal.

My youngest is going to boarding school at 14--next year. So, I feel cheated as if she reneged on the agreement we made when she was in the womb. Premature Empty Nest Syndrome--it's not fair. Yes, I could stop her. Why? To keep me company. Is that why we have children. Yes. Partly. But not enough to deny them opportunities they want.

You have to let them go mentally before they walk out that door. You have to say, now is the time for a new phase, a passage. You have to say The Serenity Prayer over and over: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

College was a slam dunk. No parent would think they can change that. The boarding school decision pulled me apart. I wish I hadn't agreed to let her do the mountain of work to apply--admission tests, applications, school visits, long essays, hopes and dreams. I almost wish I hadn't given up four months of my own life helping her and guiding her every step of the way.

But then I wouldn't have been a mother in my mind if I didn't try to help my daughter reach her goals. I couldn't stand to see the spark leave her eye because she wasn't challenged and really wasn't happy in the local school. So, I am challenged by early Empty Nest Snydrome--a condition that could have been avoided for four more years. I made a mistake--for myself. For her, no. It's the path that will take her farthest in life.

Now, I have to find a path that will lead me to a happy place. Yes, I'll adore the homecomings, holidays, everyday IMing, e-mails and calls. I'll always be grateful for the priceless lifelong connection you have with children and watching with joy as they have their own.
.
But while I'll always live for them, I can't just live through them. Nor can I just accept Empty Nest Syndrome, like a terminal condition. I have to embrace it, find the fulfillment in this new season in my life. This is the only life I have--I can't waste it wallowing in regrets or wishing for the past! No, I'm going to mine for gold in them there golden years.

And looking on the bright side--I have experience. I just prepared two kids to want to be on their own, seeking as much fulfillment as they can find. When they think of the future, they smile with a gleam in their eye that says: Bring it on! So, I should be able to do this one more time--for myself. True, I may have to take a little time to work through this Empty Nest Syndrome business. But then after I nurture myself a bit, it's time to say: Hello, world, here I come!

WHAM BAM: HAS OBAMA KNOCKED OUT HILLARY?

2008-02-12T18:11:00.002-05:00

I just finished an interview with best selling historian Kenneth C. Davis, author of "You Don't Know Much About the Presidents." He does know! We made an on-the-spot gut level "prediction" on who would be the Democratic nominee. Let me say, the good-natured, entertaining, extremely well-informed author only did it because he wanted to be a great guest, which he was.

He is smart enough to realize no one knows. So, am I. Hey, but "I don't know" isn't fodder for a talk show.

So, the brilliant author said when all was said and done he thought Hillary would be the last man standing after the primaries-- or, well, words to that effect.

I could see his point--and only a fool would count her out. After all, she has the politcal machine and history on her side. Plus, she'll go to Eleanor for advice. Only kidding. But the Clintons know how to wangle a win.

Yet, I chose Obama. Actually, it was partly my husband who pushed Barack over the finish line in my eyes. My husband has been part of corporate America and Wall Street since I met him. Also, he's a candidate for Grecian Formula--in other words he's not your everyday Barack backer. But wham, bam, mam, he walked in and said to me with a twenty-something enthusiasm, "I'm for Obama!" After I picked myself mentally off the floor, I heard him rave about Barack's wife--how brilliant she was! What is it with the candidate's spouses this year? He thought Obama was charismatic, another JFK.

Forget the momentum, Caroline Kennedy's endorsement/annointment, Ted Kennedy's stomping, Maria Shriver's speeches, the youth vote, and even Oprah's mighty--some would say almost almighty--powerful backing of Barack. (Listen, anybody that can get America reading classics has power unmatched in this country!)

Still, I was looking for the X Factor. There it was. My very own old white man who practically slept in a three piece suit. An unlikely voter for Obama.

Then the next day a woman who reveres the NRA and Fox News said the Senator from Illinois was fine with her as a candidate. The X Factor at work "again." All we need are a few more "agains". They add up. They win horse races.

Ah, race. Will there be people in the privacy of the voting booth who vote McCain while they give the "O" sign to look cool. Yep. That's why you need the X Factor--the people you wouldn't expect to back Barack. Now, there is just one question:

What is the value of X?

GULIANI: TAKE MY WIFE PLEASE

2008-02-10T10:38:00.001-05:00

No thanks.

Remember when Guiliani was ahead in the polls. Well, then he appeared in a front page photo kissing wife #3 Judith Nathan as if they should get a room.

I wrote an earth to Rudy blog saying kiss babies in public like any other phony politician. Your third wife is not exactly America's idea of a First Lady. I called it "The Kiss of Death of Guiliani's Presidential Campaign." And I maintian it was.

Rudy, I said, remember how you announced to the world you were ditching 2nd wife, Donna Hanover, the mother of your children, before you told mother and child. We do. But why shove it down our throats again and get photographed looking like you were shoving your tongue down your old mistress' throat who took Donna's place.

Why, Rudy, why? Okay,true, along came 9/11 and we filed your marital record under yesterday's news. Still, to start your campaign for President with a liplock with "the homewrecker" made the public see Judith as a "(White) House wrecker" as well.

But there was no getting you to think like a Presidential candidate, instead of a lovesick newlywed. What was your next move? Having Judith call you in the middle of a lecture you were giving to who--I think the National Rifle Association. Actually, all anyone remembers is Judith interrupting to say bye, bye love before she stepped on an airplane. You asked her if she wanted to say hello to everyone. No thanks, said the silent crowd. That was a meaningful political message. The Judy and Rudy show continued: candidate shows he is gaga over "the other woman-turned-wife." This was becoming your platform--one that was bringing about your fall.

Of course, your own kids-- who you paraded before our eyes when you were Mayor-- came out and said they wouldn't stomp for you. Actually, you all were estranged. And so the voters moved farther away too. You know, fatherhood, apple pie and all that stuff.

Still, I was rooting for you Rudy. You were America's Mayor. And since we're telling it like it is here--I am an Italian-American. I had a hidden agenda--yes, part of me would have loved to hear "That's Amore" in the White House. But nobody wanted to see it on the campaign trail.

Then, there was Bin Laden. Terrorism is alive and sick, and you make one hell of an enemy. Yep, I would have liked to see you go toe to toe with the terrorists. I would have slept better at night knowing it was your watch.

Everybody I spoke with though from servicemen in Iraq to the woman on the street said, Rudy? Ugh, I can't stand his wife. Sorry Judith, they did. I said she won't be President. She'll just be at his side and calling him during meetings when she's not. Is that too much to put up with to give the terrorists the signal that we are going to keep America safe?

Apparently, yes. The pundits blame your political demise on bad campaign strategy. I do too. Yes, you didn't give it your all in the primaries until it was too late. But another primary reason is from the get go you gave us too much of your mate.

And the Oscar Goes To:

2008-02-10T10:25:00.001-05:00

My Predictions--not necessarily my preferences:

Best Picture: No Country For Old Men

Best Actress: Julie Christie

Best Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis

Best Director: The Coen Brothers

Best Supporting Actor: Javier Bardem

Best Supporting Actress: Ruby Dee

Best Original Screenplay: Juno

Best Adapted Screenplay: No Country For Old Men

Stay Tuned...

HILLARY: DOES IT TAKE A VILLAGE TO TELL YOU BIG GIRLS DON'T CRY THAT MUCH

2008-02-09T13:17:00.000-05:00

Dary to Hillary:

Re: Tearing Up

A little tearing up goes a long way. Once in a while, it's understandable. Two times so close in public, I even fear you are starting to unravel privately. You are tired and that is understandable. But so is Barack. So is McCain. My God, you suffered Bill's indiscretions. But McCain was a POW.

Hillary get some rest. Then, get out on that campaign trail--and well take it like a man.

Daniellynn: Living Anna Nicole Style

2008-02-09T10:10:00.000-05:00

Am I the only one who thinks Anna Nicole's daughter really shouldn't be our Entertainment Tonight every day without her consent? The child hasn't had a moment of privacy since birth. Look

She walks.

She sits on Larry King's desk.

She has a birthday party.

She barely gets a day away from the "DannyLynn" Reality show.

She is a TV personality--virtually day in/day out.

We all sit in horror looking at the fate of child actors'-Britney, Lindsay, et al.

Is there any reason to think that a child raised in front of a camera will turn out as a happy and normal as a child brought up without the constant public glare?

What chance are we taking with this child's welfare in the name of Entertainment?

Yes Larry is a cute, proud Dad. But maybe just maybe he could give his daugher a little privacy.

If she wants to be in the public eye non-stop, can't he wait until she becomes of age and makes that decision herself.

There's plenty of instances that children brought up privately with a loving parent fare well.

Where does Larry get the idea tht a child brought up in front of TV cameras grow up healthier than the fallen child stars.

Larry, why are you taking this chance with your daughter. Anna Nicole lived for and died by the constant public exposure. But she chose it.

Let your daughter choose her own profession. How do you know she wants to be a reality star.

I am not saying you are using her as a prop. But can't you get on TV alone.

You can make that choice for yourself. Give your child some normalcy--if you want her to be more likely to have a normal life. Did Anna Nicole die in vain?

GIANT PARADE NEEDS GIANT CONFETTI

2008-02-06T22:48:00.000-05:00

Nothing could take away from the Parade for the Giants, let's be clear on that. They have spirit and fans to spare.

But, hey, can't we bring back that ticker tape effect where it seemed like a sea of snow was falling. If our teams can overcome every obstacle to win, can't we create confetti galore? Let's do it for their next Parade.

Go,Giants!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BEWARE OF POLLS

2008-02-06T22:32:00.000-05:00

You'll be seeing a lot of polls. When you look at them, keep this one taken in March, 2007 in mind. This is what Americans said regarding McCain's race--yes, even in these post-Reagan days.

About two thirds of those polled said they would not vote for someone seventy or older.

On Super Tuesday--February 5, 2008 Senior Citizen Senator John McCain (born August 29,1936), became the Republican front runner. Who did they poll Democrats?

OBAMA BANDWAGON

2008-01-29T06:00:00.000-05:00

Who Will Win the White House?

Obama: "Chances are super strong--if Oprah signs on as the vice-presidential candidate. Actually, Obama has great appeal to whites and blacks. He transcends color."

FLASHBACK:
This is what I wrote about Obama back in March, 2007 when I was giving a quick take on the candidates when some people were still saying Obama who? And then along came--

THE "O" FACTOR
Did I think then Oprah would step up and give Obama the "O"kay? No. I just know Oprah is a force equal to none in the public's eye--and rightfully so in my opinion. She doesn't have to be Obama's vice-president--she just has to be in his corner, which means to me and many others at least she'll be in the kitchen cabinet in an Obama White House. After her endorsement, whenever I thought of Obama as President, I had this vision of the Oprahzation of the world. I felt uplifted. I saw good will, spirituality and optimism spreading across the land--crossing country lines! Could it be? Could we be a world filled with hope and good will? Could the US government be a political version of the Oprah show? The thought was enough to make people of every gender and ethnic background born-again voters.

BAMOLOT
Then along came the second half of the double whammy--Bamolot. Caroline Kennedy's endorsement is more like an annointment, considering the political pedestal on which Americans have put her. Let's face it, Caroline, as only youngsters may not know, is the sole living child of the legendary President John F. Kennedy and iconic First Lady Jackie Kennedy, and is as close to royalty as this country gets. Moreover, Caroline lends her support ever so selectively to any cause--and she has never compared a Presidential candidate to her father. The statement was a politcal earthquake to the Clintons, no matter how they spin it. Caroline is close to her Uncle Teddy, and some pundits have pointed to Teddy's endorsement as all-important. But Senator Ted Kennedy, like all politicians, has his opponents. Some ultra right wing conservatives think of him as being left of Karl Marx. Caroline Kennedy has a place in Americans' hearts and minds that rises above politics. I know Caroline ever so slightly--meaning I've been in her company a few times and she has been a guest on this show twice. She is bright, independent, admirable and is a talented writer and a devoted mother of teenagers. Since I have a teenage daughter who makes the letter O with her fingers when I ask who she wants to be President, it didn't surprise me that Caroline Kennedy heard and listened to the voice of the younger generation in her own home.

THE YOUTH FACTOR
When Obama, the charismatic orator speaks, the youth in this country listen--and vote! He is bringing a whole new group of voters to the table, or rather booth. Will it be enough to offset the well-oiled Clinton political machinery that has been in operation and raising mega-bucks since Hill replaced Bill as a candidate. Can Barack overcome the racism among the old ("I'll vote Republican," one transplanted Georgian senior citizen told me recently)? Thank goodness these attitudes are "so yesterday" among the younger generations. As for those of voting age, well, the good news is only less than 10% of people in one poll said they wouldn't vote for an African-American. But if Obama wins, it will partly be because the youth came marching in... And that is reason enough to beat the band, even if your political beliefs don't have you jumping on the Barack Bandwagon.

Did Hill Do What Bill Can't Because She's a Woman?

2008-01-28T10:25:00.000-05:00

See Hill Help Bill Flashback: Remember that infamous 60 Minutes show, when candidate Bill Clinton was in the hot seat being asked hard hitting questions about Gennifer Flowers. It was Hillary that spoke up and saved his candidacy. "...well, then don't vote for him...," she said, when pressed about Flowers. What was the interviewer to say. Dead issue. If Hillary, the Governor's wife, was willing to cut off the conversation about Flowers, who were we to dig deeper into the candidate's marriage. The rest is history. The two-for-one ticket took the White House.

Fast Forward: President Clinton is being impeached. He has finally come clean about Monica. Hill wasn't talking to Bill it seems. Yelling, reportedly. Talking--well, it didn't appear so. Chelsea, the peacekeeper, stood between them on that memorable vacation on Martha's Vineyard.

To my way of thinking, after a certain "forgiveness period allowance," this wasn't sitting right with the public. If his wife wasn't going to stand by her husband, how could the rest of us? Ironically, I happened to know someone on Clinton's staff. I don't take credit in any way for what happened. Let's just say we were all thinking alike. But I phoned a relative of the Clinton staff member. "Look," I said, "Hillary has to forgive him first. But," I added, "don't have her hold a press conference. It will look staged, like the political handlers got to her and struck a deal. Have her just answer the question spontaneously."

My eyes popped out the next day. Hillary stopped on a walk on the White House grounds and answered a question from a reporter. Long story short, she stood by the President. And as Hillary went, so went the nation.

Watch Bill Hurt Hill
Why didn't Bill boost Hill? Why is Bill being blamed for Barack's landslide victory in North Carolina? Those questions will be dissected like frogs in a biology lab. Pundits, columnists, TV commentators and even historians will make a good week's living at least off this topic. And it's not even Super Tuesday yet, when the Bill helping/hurting Hill question is surely to rise again and again.

The Billary Bottom Line
But what I don't hear enough is that if it weren't for Hillary knowing how to stand up--if not just by--her man, he may not have have become and stayed President. True, she may not be running for President if it weren't for Bill. And then there is the obvious complication that he has been President after all. Women rarely have that problem-- official power doesn't come that easily. It's also a fact that there were times when the public perceived Hill did Bill and the country wrong. Take her health care package. No, thank you, said the critics. But Hillary knew when to fold. And there was an uproar over their two-for-one run at times. Yet,let the record show she knew how to carve her role, she knew how to be a helpmate at two critical points in history. However, women have always had to define their place, fine tune their juggling and balancing act, perfect the role of being a supporting player, never overshadowing the man. We have had eons of practice in being the other half, the "little woman" (did anybody ever say meet the little man?) whether it's in helping our husband get a promotion in the corporate office or run for public office. We are women, we know our place. So, Hillary's had years of experience and a multitude of role models. She knew when she had to drop the name Rodham. She knew when she had to spruce up her appearance. She knew when she had to back off. Will Bill? Or has Bill stepping up for Hillary already pushed her off the ballot as the Democratic party's nominee? If he is looking for role models, maybe he should look at his wife. Stay tuned.

THE TEAR FELT AROUND THE COUNTRY

2008-01-10T11:20:00.000-05:00

OMG, Hillary cried! Horror was my first reaction. As a woman, for years, other women have confided to me: Oh, no I did the worst thing possible. I cried in front of my boss.

Oh, yes, we women, have been trained to think that is evidence of our inadequacy to measure up. Men hate women in tears--unless we're viewed as damsels in distress. But who wants a President in distress. We already have one, but he won't show it. He's a man's man. He promised to get Bin Laden. He sends troops. He won't talk to a grieving mother of a slain soldier in Iraq. We weeped at home as we watched the poor suffer horribly from lack of rescue during Katrina in New Orleans. Not our President. He was never reduced to tears. He's tough.

Then, after watching Hillary--I had a second thought. Yes, men don't cry. They channel their hurt in to anger. They beat their wives. Indeed, they kill us. If a woman is murdered, chances are a signicant other is suspect. Take Scott Peterson, O.J...

Actually, you don't have to be related to a male to suffer under his hand. If we wanted to prevent violent crime, all we would have to do is detain the men in our country--and the rate for violent crimes would drop. Most acts of violence are committed by men.

I point this out not because I am playing my political hand here. I'm still watching the candidates... That's what a campaign is for. Nor am I against men--I'm married to a wonderful one, adored my Dad, and, yes, some of my best friends are male.

But when I saw Hillary choke up, I think it touched me in an unexpected way. We women cry--and we are ashamed of that. It is a female trait society has used against us to prove we are not fit for business or government positions because we are too emotional.

I wonder if we were the sex that physically abused our spouses and committed the most violent crimes, if that might be considered evidence that we can't deal with our emotions constructively? Does this anger and in some cases rage cause men to lash out? Does this propensity to violence make them willing to send others to places to be violent too, or make them more tolerant of high crime rates at home?.

I was never in to any woman for President movement. I was in to the right person--male or female--frame of mind. Now, I realize, a woman does bring something to the table men generally don't, unless you count Senator Muskie. Remember the debate about whether it was a snowflake or tear on his cheek that made magazine covers when he was running for President.

A tear versus an angry outburst that leads to violence? Gee, which would I vote for? A tear has never maimed or killed. For the first time, I realized it's a no-brainer. Let the men be ashamed of their violent tendencies. I'm not going to apologize for my tears. I'd rather see a tear shed, than a life. I am woman, see me cry...!!!

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CARVE OUT A CHRISTMAS THAT IS BEST FOR YOUR FAMILY

2007-12-31T02:42:00.000-05:00

It was the night before Thanksgiving, and I was going cold turkey. I was giving up "Christmas" as it had become: a day so over-commercialized, it put people in debt, left them feeling burdened and void of the true spirit of Christmas.

This was the way I felt several years ago when I was living in New York City, owned a business--and felt light years away from the family-filled Christmases in my farm town when we traipsed through the woods for pine tree and holly branches. But in reality, I found it hard to give up the new traditions created by society. So, I just went along with the shopping crowds.

Some years later though when bringing up my children we struck upon a way to enjoy Christmas. My father was hospitalized one Easter actually--and it felt so gloomy going to visit him, we got a huge Disney-style Easter bunny for fun, made Easter baskets for the pediatric patients and handed out bright yellow daffodils and treats to everyone. We also had an Easter Egg hunt in my father's room--and we enjoyed the happy faces, especially of the older patients.

So, the idea for Holidays for the Hospital was born. Having had spent two Christmases in the hospital as a patient myself, I knew it could be a lonely day.
I remember carolers coming down the corridor though and that had cheered me up.

After both my parents had passed away, the Christmas table seemed empty without them. I didn't know how to fill it, as I stared at their old seats. So, we decided we would go where a lot of people were feeling lonely: the hospital, to bring patients presents, the staff cookies and sing the carols that had once kept my spirits up.

The next year we raised hundreds of donations of toys from others and some families joined us Christmas Day. It's particularly good for divorced parents who don't get to see their own children that holiday, widows. or anyone who wants to feel they put their children in touch with the true spirit of Christmas. No, I don't think Christ would be in line at Target--unless it were to get presents for the ill.

The first year we did this as a family, in all honesty, we spent so much time at the hospitals my children felt as though they didn't have a family holiday for themselves. One mother who joined us also felt the gloom rub off on her. I put this here like a warning label.

But this year we got it right. There are two hospitals in our area, which might be too much to visit on the holiday itself, again to be honest. We had a baking and wrapping party with lots of friends to get all the donated presents organized by gender and age, which was fun as well as helpful. The hospital can really use stuffed animals as children like to hold them when they get needles. My one daughter wanted to leave them unwrapped with bows. I was afraid they would look used. She felt hurt that I didn't let her do it her way. So, I learned another lesson. If you want your children truly involved, stay out of it and let a child lead them.

We didn't cut into our own celebration either, so my kids didn't secretly feel "cheated." We dropped off presents at one hospital Christmas Eve, then visited with friends as we've been doing for a dozen years. Christmas morning our family opened their own gifts. There's nothing wrong with receiving, I found it's just a matter of balance. Then we spent a few hours at the hospital. A doctor and nurse led us this year--and that made a difference. They felt comfortable in a hospital, and we moved along singing carols, giving the staff cookies and passing out presents to the patients with another family who joined us. Somehow, we didn't take the gloom out, it felt as though we brought the cheer in to the hospital because of the doctor's family.

We got a church choir for next year. But we still haven't been able to line one up for Christmas Day itself, although that was always our hope and plan. So, a group of us are meeting throughout the year to make plans and to get books with words to the carols. How quickly we forget if we don't stay in tune.

After taking off our red Santa helpers hats, we went home to a traditional turkey dinner. We all thought of my parents--but we were busy chatting away about the day. Some time to chase away your own blues, the best thing you can do is to try to chase away those feelings in others. Carve out the holiday that's best for you! Merry Christmas!

THE LAST WORD ON IMUS AND THE RUTGERS WOMEN'S BASKETBALL TEAM

2007-12-05T20:37:00.000-05:00

IMUS:

THE RUTGERS WOMEN'S BASKETBALL TEAM:You've been an inspiration! With more women like you, what a wonderful world it would be. You have dignity, intelligence, grace under pressure, and the right pace on that court. I never knew a dribble from a long shot, and I'm sorry I had to meet up with you under the circumstances so many of us did. But getting to know you was the silver lining, behind this cowardly act of bigotry. Ah,how easy it is for some to take cheap, poor pot shots passed off as humor(???). It's your achievements that put a smile on America's face!

THIS SEASON'S BACHELOR: AT LONG LAST, A REALITY SHOW GETS REAL

2007-11-24T23:27:00.000-05:00

THE BACHELOR FINALE THAT FINALLY GETS IT RIGHT
As two leggy, beautiful brunettes cried over not getting the bachelor, a ring, the rose, a rosy future with "Mr. Right", I felt like weeping for joy. Someone--this time a handsome hunk named Brad made this much-hyped, preposterous reality show feel real and right.He said I can't say I want to marry either of you to the finalists. Shock waves hit the set. Ah, but reality set in. LET ME SHOUT IT FROM THE CHURCH TOP: YOU CAN'T PUT TWENTY FIVE OR FIFTY FIVE GORGEOUS GIRLS IN A ROOM--OR EVEN A CASTLE--AND THINK ONE OF THEM WILL BE MS. RIGHT--AND VISA VERSE. Do the math. If you are married, how many guys/gals did you meet--let alone have a date with-- before you took a mate? 25? Hey, it would have been all over in junior high school. You can meet 25 guys at a party sometime--and barely feel thrilled about having a monogamous relationship with any of them, let a lone a marriage. Finding a soul mate for an everlasting relationship takes more than a television season...and love doesn't come about because you stock the room with good-looking bachelors or bachelorettes. Oh, yeah, you may even meet someone you might want to take home to mother--especially if the producers made you and taped it. But meet someone to make a home with--well, you can't buy me love or produce it with the fanciest TV crew, most spectacular settings and all the vintage champagne in the world.
WHY IS THE BOGUS BACHELOR A HIT?
So, why do I and millions of others tune in, if we're turned off to the faulty premise. Well, it's fascinating to see the dynamics between the sexes. Yes, the bachelor with 25 fabulous females is going to meet one or two that he connects with--and we stay glued to the tube to see who and why. Finding the one he falls in love with and wants to marry for the rest of his life, well, that is wedding cake in the sky. So, of all the years the show has been on and, yes, drawn ratings--it has resulted in one wedding and one engagement. These couples were paraded out last night as "proof" that this so-called reality show can conjure up the real thing--once in a blue moon over a castle anyway. Of course, some contestants get caught up in the love match game and the producers' and public's expectations--and wind up going through the motion of proposals and pledges to say I do 'til death do us part. In reality, it's more like until the publicity parts because then the break-ups pepper People magazine et al. One popular contestant who snagged an heir on the air, Jenn, wrote a book about it. Another, Bob, began reporting on TV about celebrities and married one--a soap star. It seems reality shows can turn regular folk into fodder for gossip mags and other television shows. But it can't guarantee marriages. What was super about this season's Bachelor is that the man in demand demonstrated the assumption of the show false by being upfront on the air instead of letting the affair fizzle out once the cameras stopped rolling. Now, that's a reality show I could get really hooked on--a real look at love and marriage.
BUT THE UNREALISTIC REALITY SHOW WILL LINGER ON
I've often thought what The Bachelor should do is change the goal to just wanting to date someone--or have the the bachelor or bachelorette meet a couple thousand singles through a series of preliminary get-togethers, so by show time the competitors had been narrowed down to a true precious few contenders. TV pros will say that won't fly in the ratings--you have to buy the whole package: man on bended knee and the girl catching the brass--well, the fresh-picked diamond ring. Still, I find that bogus as did last night's contestant. The (Bachelor) party is over--at least for a season! Will this "marriageless" Bachelor last? History says no. But I'll keep watching anyway. Boy meets girl or rather girls is too much vicarious fun to resist--and to see which one he chooses, well that's too delish to miss. So, bring on the boys--and the girls. And even if it's not the real deal, it's still a great guilty pleasure. The show is as alluring as--well, romance itself...

HAIL, HAIL HALLOWEEN!

2007-11-01T09:07:00.000-04:00

TRICK, TREAT AND TRUST
Meredith Veira said she was so disappointed one year she only had four kids coming to her door Halloween night, she practically went on the street looking for them. One of the qualities I love about Meredith is she expresses what so many others are experiencing. With school functions and curfews and cautious mothers, trick or treating in some areas is trickling down to a precious few masqueraders. And if that's a trend, then I say there goes the neighborhoods--truly. There is another "t" that goes with trick or treat--and that is trust. It's the only night of the year that we open our doors to one and all--friends and strangers, wearing masks no less. Come in, come in, we say to scary skeletons, Batmen, Wonder Women and witches... Yet, we really don't know who is entering our house. That hit home this year.
GHOSTS OF HALLOWEEN PASTS
I always give an "Open House" Halloween night. It comes because I am from a farm town I think where the houses were quite a trek away from each other. The only friendly thing to do was to roll out the welcome mat and offer cider and donuts for those weary moms and tots and pumpkins and, yes, witches who wanted to rest a spell. So, when I moved to the suburbs where the houses were close, I still clung to my country folk open house ways. Actually, when I had small children of my own, the open houses became all-out Halloween parties for the whole town. We had apple dunking, pumpkin carving, karaoke with kids warbling Monster Mash, cookie decorating, giant mazes in the yard with pounds of hidden candy, ghoulish ghosts hanging from the trees and swing sets... We even renamed the streets. Our driveway, lined with scarecrows, became "Scarerow Row" (what else?), our street sign was labeled "Ghost Road," and the trail to our garden was called Pumpkin Patch Lane and lined with glowing jack o' lanters that lit up the spooky night. But we lived in a town not even two square miles, where everybody--even if they didn't know your name-- said hi.
FOREIGN TERRITORY
This year we moved to an urban area where the sign on every store and office is in a foreign language. The town is filled with highrises and highways and is not far from areas where people don't venture day or night because of frightening crime rates. Ah, the scariness of reality intrudes. Do we still pass out invitations everywhere and open our doors to one and all who take us up on cookie decorating and cider? Many houses just leave a pot of candy outside on the step, and, by the same token, the kids have been told to just take the candy and if not run, retreat after a polite thank you. But this is not My American Way of celebrating this holiday. So, out went the fliers--and in came the strangers in disguises. Most were dolls--no matter what their costumes. And I felt I was back on the farm, as I guessed the grades of the masqueraders and helped the smallest put frosting and sprinkles on homemade cookies. The grown-ups were great company as they sat by the fire, sipped cider and told me a fact or two about my new town. It was predominately filled with people who had just come from another country--mostly Korea. And if I had wondered why I saw no children our own daughters' ages around my 100 townhouse community--I was told every family who can, leaves before high school. The schools they said "feel like a nation divided." "I just want a mixture of people--true diversity, not most of the students from one foreign country," one father who was house-hunting in leafy suburbs explained. "I'm not prejudiced," said one American Mom--not step-mom she emphasized jokingly--who came with Cinderella, "but my daughter because she is an American by birth feels like a minority in her school. Many of the students' parents don't speak English, so, of course, they don't talk to us--let alone mix." Many of the families who gathered round our fireplace this nippy night said they felt English should be our national language and hated that all the stores and offices had signs in Korean. The Born in the USA crowd liked the people who had come from Korea, for sure, and thought they had brought many fine values. But the American-born didn't want a bi-lingual town. One mother of a cowgirl, joked, "When we go abroad, we know we are back home in New Jersey when the signs are in Korean."
HAPPY HALLOWEEN IN ANY LANGUAGE
Yet, giving candy to a family fresh from a faraway land, was a treat for me, as I explained the customs to them. I loved hearing about their country too. It was like an intimate real life current events lesson, and I felt like a child of the world, this night made for children to celebrate. Mickey Mouse, Aerial the Mermaid, Dorothy from Kansas--no matter where they are from-- are fun to break pumpkin bread with! Yes, I want us all to speak the same language--so we can chat. And the more countries represented, the more rich the atmosphere became. It's not as much fun if everyone dresses the same--and looks that way when they take off their masks. Not to corny, it is the youngsters wearing many different costumes coming through your door and the faces behind the masks being from different ethnic backgrounds that make this country unique.
And it was fun to open your door to the world, without leaving your home--and hear real stories of bravery from these fanilies on a night filled with mock bravado, as you stare down a "scary" ghost. So, I think when people speak in a strange tongue, but come to us with open hearts, it's important ro welcome them in any--even body--language and keep up the real meaning of Halloween, in my book: Trick and Treat and Trust thy neighbor.

OH! REILLY! THE UPROAR/RATINGS FACTOR

2007-09-26T07:06:00.000-04:00

Fox News' Bill O'Reilly visited soul food restaurant, Sylvia's in Manhattan--and, oh, my, was O'Reilly in for a surprise. The polarizing ranter, who found his shtick and biggest gig on The O'Reilly Factor, after being a reporter on the tabloid/gossip TV show Inside Edition among other stints, exclaimed over the famous Harlem eatery that he was surprised it was a normal, civilized restaurant.

"I couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. It was exactly the same, even though it's run by blacks (and has a) primarily black patronship," the bullying broadcaster who likes to get in the last word declared. "There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, "M-Fer, I want more iced tea!"

A note to Bill: Hmmn, I ate in an Irish Restaurant recently. It was a perfectly normal civilized restaurant even though it's run by Irish and has a primarily Irish patronship. There wasn't one person knocking back too many beers, or getting rowdy and raising h___ ala the Saint Patrick's Day After Parade. And everybody wasn't eating potatoes either. I didn't even hear anyone who had one too many belt out a slightly slurred, teary- eyed "Danny Boy." I wasn't surprised, nor would I have been taken back by the "normal" behavior at Sylvia's.

O'Reilly's racially-oriented restaurant review brought on outrage from Sylvia's insulted granddaughter and others. But, of course, uproar about O'Reilly's rants brings publicity and ratings. Where would he be without them? Back to being a cast of many reporting about the famous, instead of being one of them. What price fame and fortune?

So, the shock and outrage up the wattage and ink spilled on O'Reilly and up the ratings on the show where he found his niche and claim to fame, that he used to report about... And that's Real Talk.

DARY DOES THE NEWS

2007-09-20T10:36:00.000-04:00

DARY DOES A SHORT TAKE ON THE NEWS:
REAL TALK TRANSLATION: DARY SHORT ON TIME

Headline: Barry Manilow Shuns View Over Hasselbeck
Real Talk Translation: Barry Manilow Gains Limelight By Shunning View

Headline: Rosie O’Donnell Writes “Celebrity Detox”
Real Talk Translation: Out-of-Work Rosie Writes To Keep Celebrity Status And The Price is Right

Headline: O.J. Could Get Life Term
Real Talk Translation: So Is Public in Hearing About Him

Headline: Rudy Takes Wife's Call Mid-Speech to NRA
Real Talk Translation: Rudy Shoots Self in Foot & Needs Wake up Call About Wifey

HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE-- IF YOU THINK THEY ARE

2007-08-11T05:21:00.000-04:00

It is the middle of the night. I am up alone--my husband is sleeping as are my children. It makes me feel happy to hear their sounds: my daughter getting up, switching on the light to go to the bathroom, my husband snoring faintly (because the door is closed and the sound is muffled). Like most families, we've had our share of challenges lately. It's seemed an uphill battle at times: parents passing away, moving, family illness, myself facing surgery...

So, I am pleasantly surprised that a feeling of warmth and contentment spreads through me as I turn on the TV and curl up with my apple laptop on the love seat in the family room. I want to capture the feeling, keep it as long as I can--and bring it back again at will.

I'm a born realist-bordering-on pessimism at times and always struggling to be positive. Now, I realize it's a moment to moment process. I must constantly weed out any fearful or negative thought and replace it with a positive one. Like at this moment: I have to tell myself I did not hear someone outside prowling--and even if I did we have a burglar alarm and a darling, loud mouth dog who is sprawled out in the kitchen dead to the world, oblivious to me creeping about. That's the kind of thing I need to do. I look longingly at a silver-framed picture of my oldest daughter in her Christening gown on the book case. It reminds me that both my girls are now teenagers, and I feel sad even anticipating this big, old house without them, the whole horrible empty nest syndrome. But I make myself substitute that thought with: my children are here, savor the moment! I repeat to myself three times, "...Savor the moment..." I feel better... I seize this victory proudly. I will start a gratitude list. I read a study that said if you keep a journal it only makes you feel happy if you write what you are grateful for. Here goes:

What am I grateful for? This is off the top of my head--no political correctness.

OK, chocolate cake comes to mind. So do big thighs. Eat your words, Dary. So,I tip toe to the kitchen and just take a tiny smidgen of the chocolate layer cake with a glass of milk, then curl up like a kitten. I take it from the top again.

My Gratitude List:

1. My children.
1. My husband. Note: I felt guilty putting my husband second. See that led to a negative thought and feeling: guilt. So, I make my husband and children a tie for number one. Then I think: he would put me second too. Another negative thought. A gratitude list can make you feel ungrateful if you're not careful.

How do you get around that?

Alright, it's normal for children to come first--that's parental responsibility at work. Actually, nobody is asking you to choose, so why are you doing this to yourself, I ask myself. I am creating my own conflict. So, I decide to be grateful I have both a husband and children.

2. I find comfort in my TV (no matter what Madonna says).
I relish having the remote to myself and flipping the channels, taking in scenes from old familiar movies. Plus, I've been hooked on All My Children for years and think the Soap Net channel that repeats the episodes is technology's gift to housewives. There's nothing like a good soap opera to whisk you away from the ups and downs in your own life. Not every pleasure has to be approved by NPR.

3. I'm likewise addicted to my computer. Having such information at your fingertips is fantastic. Did I ever really schlep to the library to do all this research working as a journalist? I can't resist the news on line either (after all 6 P.M. is dinner time), the chat rooms for parents (that you desperately need in the middle of the night when moms you know are sleeping), and e-mails. True, sometimes e-mails can puncture your peace of mind when someone wants something. But you don't have to hear the person's voice and carry on a conversation. Yes, a computer is a glow-in-the-dark connection. It's fun. I just googled an actress I'm going to be interviewing, a web site about a new hair treatment for my daughter and went on a parents of teens message board. I really want to start one myself.

4. I peek out the window and click on the outside light to make sure there are no prowlers, to be honest. I enjoy the view from my house even at night. We look out on water and a range of hills, which I can see the outline of by the light of the sliver of the moon and stars. Of course, since we're moving I won't be seeing this as much. Oops, I did it again--watch that negativity. There are other benefits to the move, such as less commuting time. So, that becomes my focus, as I also start regretting that we are going to be living farther from my family.

5. I am thankful for my extended family. When I had Christopher Kennedy Lawford on my show he said that his mother was attached to her family of birth more than the one she created. That's understandable being a Kennedy. I adored my upbringing with my warm, large, loving family of Aunts and Uncles and cousins. I am grateful for that foundation. I am glad they are there to listen and care and keep in confidence anything I say even today. They are all one phone call or e-mail away.

6. I love my friends. This is a bit trickier. You always have to be good company with friends or mostly anyway. They don't have to take you in or be there for you. You really only get a few people who are glad to accept you when you are not at your best. But friends are a joy--or if not you can downgrade them to acquaintances you at least invite to cocktail parties. Everything goes better with a Cosmopolitan. And while others crave traveling, I feel good surrounded by people I know. I don't want to give up my community as I grow older. Some people collect antiques. I like to collect friends.

7. I'll end on Lucky Number 7. I'm happy I have a nice home. Prince William (of England) said to Matt Lauer he was grateful for his house, which of course is a real castle. LOL But our home really is our castle in a sense even if it's a rancher. I think of the homeless and then of the coziness of my home with the hum of my daughters snoozing, my husband snoring and my dog, who is now awake from me raiding the refridgerator, slapping her tail on the floor like a clock keeping time. And here comes the dawn. I open the drapes and am grateful that the sun also rises.

I look down on the glass coffee table at two wrinkled popsicle wrappings and put them quickly in the wastebasket. I ate two ice cream pops in the middle of the night, rationalizing that it was like having milk. What Lindsay Lohan is to drinking and drugs (denial city), I am to food. I am grateful at least I am not denying my problem with denial. The ice cream will be kept in the basement starting tomorrow. Out of sight, out of mouth. Visions of slimmer thighs dance through my head.

Make a happy thought dance through your head--and have a happier day!

MOVING ON UP: OR HOW FEMINISM WEIGHS THE FAIRER SEX DOWN

2007-08-04T08:52:00.000-04:00

Women can have it all! That was the marching song of the women's movement. Now, we're carrying such a load, we feel like weighted down human u-hauls. But right on & upward! As I take a moment to write this, my upwardly mobile family is doing what those who want to reach the top do--we're moving on up to a place where my daughters can get a better education, my husband will be close enough to his office to spend more time there to advance his career, and where I will set up a home office and studio, so I can work at home and yet be able to take care of everyone and the house, volunteer for the school and community and entertain my husband and my own business associates.

We women wanted the same freedom as men. But what got lost in the translation was: Men don't have it all. They have what they want--and that doesn't usually include cleaning the oven or scrubbing johns or packing the family baggage. This hit me as I struggle to get both houses spanking clean and move our belongings from Point A to Point B in one piece (meaning the belongings and my body). My girls are taking some of their own things, which probably means they'll tote their iPhones and ipods-- as if I could detach them from their bodies anyway; my husband is packing his stuff, "don't worry" (which means he'll carry his briefcase, Blackberry, Wall Street Journal and Sports Illustrated) and never get around to cleaning out his closet; and I am plowing through 11 years of clutter and schlepping every body's stuff--from my husband's and children's trophies to their second grade report cards, to the family/client Christmas card list and addresses, 17 photo albums and four boxes of memorabilia marked "sort," a life time of medical records for all and enough medical supplies that I could open a first aid station along with golf clubs, tennis rackets, scuba diving, water skiing, field hockey and lacrosse equipment (none of which I play), a CD collection ( which interferes with my ever having quiet to write before midnight), seven caged birds (whose chirping wakes me at six A.M.), a large labradoodle ( my 6:30 A.M. alarm), two turtles and other assorted pets to name a few of my family's favorite and necessary things along with all our trappings in the house and six overcrowded storage units, my home office and my home studio.

As I stand here wishing I had married one of the Santini Brothers, the movers of all movers, I think of how women are right when they say moving takes a year out of your life and off your looks. (If I order out from Domino's one more night, I'm going to have to "call Jenny.") Oh, but I, unlike a man, have it all! Hooray! Now, I just wonder if it was worth burning my bra for, as my breasts are down near my waist and I need a breast lift. Let's face it, I could use a fork lift--to fight the fear my husband will run off with a trophy wife like the other successful guys in his office and our town. And I wish the Liberation Movement would roll along a little faster so men will have some of what we have. Let's not be female chauvinist pigs and keep it all!

THE BOTTOM LINE: MEN DON'T HAVE IT ALL. THEY HAVE WHAT THEY WANT...

ALL MY CHILDREN: WHO'S CHILD IS IT ANYWAY?

2007-07-29T18:50:00.000-04:00

The ABC soap, All My Children, heated up and bubbled over this week when Greenlee ran off with Kendall and Ryan's baby boy, Spike. Or is the baby Kendall and Ryan's totally? After all, Spike would have never been conceived if Greenlee hadn't wanted Ryan's baby when she was his wife and hopped at Kendall's offer to carry a fetus, created by Ryan's sperm and Greenlee's egg. Ah, but along came the power outage, a plot masterminded by Kendall's husband, Zach Slater to keep his wife from getting pregnant, which in fact caused Greenlee's eggs to be unusable. Kendall, Greenlee's then bff, had ran to the rescue, literally. She had gone to the Infertility Clinic and had herself inseminated with Ryan's sperm using her own egg unbeknownst to anyone to give Greenlee Ryan's baby.

Well, so far it looks like Greenlee's baby. If the stork storyline had ended here, Greenlee would have had an oral agreement with Kendall that she was a surrogate and a case that the baby was intended for Greenlee. Surrogates use their own eggs often to give women who don't have them babies. The surrogate can't go back on her word. Remember the infamous Baby M case? The surrogate got the boot--and the "adoptive" mother got the baby booty with the baby in it. Today, that baby is a college student who calls her biological father Dad and adoptive mother, Mom, and doesn't call the surrogate and biological mother at all. That's surrogacy in real life.

Actually, Diedre Hall, an actress on the soap As the World Turns, has two babies conceived through surrogacy, and there was no custody drama there. But getting back to All My Children and the question of whose child is it any way?

Greenlee, when finding out Kendall used her own egg, left Pine Valley and the baby Kendall was carrying behind. Greenlee, in effect, ended the oral contract with Kendall. Usually the surrogacy contract is written. Kendall, although at first toyed with giving the baby up for adoption,in the end almost died to bring the baby into the world. Greenlee was a no show for the birth. In effect, she gave up the rights to the baby who was conceived because she had a dream.

When you expect a child in your mind and heart, it feels as though you are indeed expecting. Women have a hard time getting over miscarriages and adoptions that fall through. My husband and I were going to adopt. We saved sonograms of the baby to be--actually babies as "we" were expecting twins. Rather the birth mother was-- physically. She had chosen us as the adoptive parents. Then, I needed what would be risky gall bladder surgery. My husband, concerned about me not focusing on my own medical situation, made me give up the agreement to take the babies. The birth mother said if I got through the surgery before she delivered she still wanted us to have the twins. When I came out of recovery the first words out of my semi-conscious mouth were, "How are the twins?" I refused intravenous morphine, checked out of the hospital and rushed home and called the adoption agency. "How are the twins," I asked. There was only one set due at the agency then. The counselor said, "They were premature. They went home from the hospital today..." That was 15 years ago. I still wonder how "my" twins are doing--I pray they are in a happy home, as the birth mother I'm sure does. Whenever you are expecting a child in your body, mind or heart, don't ever expect to stop thinking of him or her.

But Greenlee gave up that child, so she wasn't expecting one. Therefore, for Ryan to think she had some right to be part of the baby's life, when she abruptly came back to Pine Valley after the baby was born, was a misconception. Perhaps a lingering connection to his ex-wife Greenlee, sparked the idea, when he insisted to his current wife Annie and Kendall that they let Greenlee (who upon her return sued for custody of Spike) back into their and the baby's lives.

Annie was right. Greenlee wanted Spike even after she gave up the custody suit. If Greenlee had not abandoned Spike and had stayed in Pine Valley, mother-to-be in waiting, that would have been a whole other soap opera story.

Why did Ryan want Greenlee in Spike's life? Maybe there was a lingering love or feeling of concern for Greenlee as his wife Annie feared. But now Spike, the victim of an accident with Greenlee behind the wheel after she kidnapped him, lies fighting for his little life. The sins of the father? Ryan let Greenleee in and now there's fear that Spike will be gone. Ryan's wife Annie won't say I told you. But certainly no AMC fan cannot help but think it.

THE BOTTOM LINE: YOU CAN "BE EXPECTING" A BABY JUST IN YOUR HEART--AND IT CAN BE PAINFUL IF THE TWO OF YOU HAVE TO PART...

WHY THE TEEN YEARS ARE KEEPING ME FROM SPREADING MY WINGS

2007-07-29T16:26:00.000-04:00

Adolescence entered the house and my daughters disappeared. The cozy, curl-up-on the-couch-conversations with my 13-year-old were replaced too often with the one-word-reply, "whatever," complete with a typical teenage angst eye roll. My 15-year-old entered her I-want-to-be-alone phase. This meant away from adults and free to text or talk to her friends on her cell phone, which was it seemed permanently attached to her arm. I missed the way it was between us when they were younger now that they had started breaking away. Of course, we had our family and mom and daughter moments, but they were fewer then when they were ten. What I was really sorry to see change though was their relationship with their inner selves.

They discovered Hollywood's, the media's and society's vision of perfection. As their age went up, it seemed their self-esteem went down. When you tried to counter their complaints about their "lousy singing voice" with a remark such as "nobody's asking you to go on American Idol, besides you can dance," they would shrug it off with, "Oh, you're my Mom!"

Yep, that said it all.

And there was a whole lot of mothering left to do. My job had never seemed as large as, well, life. That is what is at stake: their lives. Forget this business of staying home until they are in school and then focusing on a career, I thought. They really need you when the teenage years invade like the body snatchers. Teens: Their former friends pull mean girl tricks, they don't get asked to dance by the guy they like at a party or are pursued by the boy they don't like, they are mystified at having breasts and periods, they are sick of striving to keep up in this world created by the feminists of my generation who demanded they be a success in so many ways. To have it all, which was the refrain of the women's movement of the '70's, means you have to be able do it all. Then there are the adolescent minefields: sex, alchohol, smoking, drugs--in the age of Paris Hilton and a time when the President declared oral sex isn't sex.

Worst, adolescents have to spread their wings--and the skies, unfortunately, aren't always friendly. Teens and even tweens want to go to malls and movies and roam the streets in safety--and we can't offer them a guarantee of that in these Megan Law days. They are getting older, but more vulnerable. Teenage girls are abducted more than any other age group. They need unseen supervision and a Mom monitoring them as they venture out in to today's world.

So, I don't feel as though I can forge ahead full speed with my own ambitions and dreams. My greatest goal--and responsibility--in life is health and happiness for those I gave life to--my darling daughters. I only have four more years to get it right, and I feel my children need me more now then when they were two. Other hands could make sure they didn't topple over as they learned to walk. I only trust mine to ensure they don't fall flat on their face drunk like Lindsay Lohan. And, let's not kid ourselves--this happens on the hometown scene as well. The nicest suburbs are not exempt. The brightest ninth graders in our local high school passed out from drinking at a school dance because they were trying to impress the cool kids. We can't put our heads in the sandbox. This happened at a highly regarded school. Youngsters do better in school when parents are involved. So, I'm going back to school: theirs, to volunteer in any way I can. Parents of teens have warned me about drinking at home parties and actually told me the solution is not to let your kids go to parties. I think get-togethers are part of growing up, but so are parents, who should be home supervising without invading their maturing teens' space. It might be a balancing act, but we signed on for the role. So, no matter what I have to put on hold--I've decided to be in the nest to do my best my teens will be ready when they leave it.

THE BOTTOM LINE: IF THEY AREN'T REALLY READY TO LEAVE THE NEST, YOU HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF IF YOU SHOULD...

THE REAL CRY FOR HELP ON THE LINDSAY LOHAN SCENE

2007-07-26T00:17:00.000-04:00

The talented, troubled, lovely Lindsay Lohan is sending an S.O.S. for help. We don't have to hear Dr. Phil to tell us that on Entertainment Tonight--it's as clear as the freckles on the former child star's once fresh face. I feel sorry for the 21-year-old actress--friends who know her personally say The Mean Girls star is nice, and I wish her well in making a real recovery. But someone else needs protection, for sure: the people, possibly even a child, who Lohan's car could careen into while driving under the influence. There is so much talk about Lindsay's future in show business, her sinking multi-million dollar bank account, her boyfriends, her night life... But where are the laments about the life she might snuff out if she keeps drinking and driving? The media needs to sober up. More than the Fully Loaded actress' movie stardom are at stake here. Will Lilo (the cutsey celeb nickname the press has dubbed her to cover the DUI bookings in a more "entertaining" way) be able to rescue her career? That question has been asked more times than Lindsay and her famous friends go in and out of rehab. Would we be able to resurrect the human being(s) who could be at the other end of Lohan's road recklessness? That is the issue that must be addressed--make that stressed. Lindsay is not the victim here--she is the perpetrator. The fact that we don't shine the spotlight on the accident that was waiting to happen is a crime. Please log on to duihope.org and give the victims maimed and killed by drunk drivers a fraction of the attention we give the limelight-seeking Lohans. What has to hit us until we do--a drunk driver? Put up a "Stop sign" for all the "Lindsays" on the road. The life you save could be your own.

MISS AMERICA AND MISCOMMUNICATION

2007-07-25T23:16:00.000-04:00

The Miss America Pageant is not televised on a network channel as it was for years because there wasn’t a big enough audience in our ratings-ruled world. Yet, Paris, Lindsay, Britney, Nicole and company are aired it seems everywhere. Parents worry because our youngsters don’t have role models. When I was in high school and college we used to gather around the TV set and watch the pageant the way guys tune in to the Super Bowl. (But even that isn’t the clean-cut champ of all sporting events it once was—there were no wardrobe malfunctions in the old days.) The times are a changing-- especially with regard to communication.

The grandmother of Amy Polumbo, our current Miss New Jersey, spoke out in defense of the photographs displayed on the Internet that threatened to take the title away from her granddaughter. But in general many baby boomers don't even know how to go on line. Actually, a lot of parents over 40 turn to their children for help with the computer. I am one of those mothers. I saw the photos Miss Polumbo was being judged by on the Today Show. She wasn’t singing in the church choir or bringing about world peace, for sure. But whether we like it or not, she was probably doing what many other 21-year-old girls do in private. One problem is the Internet has changed the definition of private and public, in a way older generations can’t truly comprehend. My 13-year-old said to me one day when her computer was down, “You don't understand. I am my computer.”

I go on My Space, a similar web site to Face book where Miss New Jersey posted her "private," problematic photographs, because my computer tutor-- a sweet, wholesome college student who tells me that it will take me 20 years to catch up with her generation technologically—listed me there. “Any writer has to be on My Space,” she said incredulously. I have so few “friends” on the site I feel like the wallflower of My Space, but I log on because I want to keep up with today’s youth. I can’t believe what these seemingly regular kids share on these web sites. True, as in Miss New Jersey's case, there are "private web pages," and she like others acted as though this Internet space were her room or personal photo album. Admittedly, Amy's pictures can be called unladylike and embarrassing. But for the most part from what I’ve looked at they are steps up from the pictures of Lindsay, Paris and their pals flashing their private parts, video taping themselves having sex, driving under the influence, going in to rehab and jail.

Miss New Jersey is not perfect, but I think she is probably representative of a number of ordinary girls. Let’s not penalize our kids for messing up on the net. Many of us don’t even know how to supervise them there. Also, it goes with the teen/twenty something turf. I don’t always stump with Trump. But when he gave that contestant from his pageant a second chance it was not the unthinkable decision some made it out to be. It beats writing our youth off prematurely.

Personally, I’d take a girl like Miss New Jersey, from what I know of her, being in the public eye over the flashing, smashed celeb set that stare out at us from the pages of People and Us, to say nothing of TV shows such as Entertainment Tonight and Larry King. It’s key that I say “from what I know of her.” Who even gets to see the contestants or pageant any more? After all, this American “tradition” once right up there with motherhood and apple pie isn't widely covered because it's not considered relevant to our times. So, let's bring it in to the new millennium. If it reflects reality, maybe our youngsters will have images to look at other than those that bombard them of Britney’s bald head, Britney’s or Paris’ bare crotch, Nicole stoned on drugs, Lindsay passed out cold drunk... or the 24/7 coverage of Paris’ prison saga.

Let’s stand behind the decision of Miss New Jersey being able to keep the crown even though it has modern day thorns with this proviso: the media press Miss Polumbo to fully examine the photo flap in her platform on the dangers of the internet, driving home to our youngsters not to make the same mistakes and that nothing on the internet is private! Moreover, let's bring The Miss America Pageant, with regular girls, flaws and all, back in to our living rooms where we will watch and discuss it as a family and take away the lime light and star power we so foolishly give every day to Paris, Lindsay and their pack.

ROSIE SINKS TOO LOW ON CRUISE SHIP & ELIZABETH GOES BELLY UP ON BOOB TUBE

2007-07-17T23:25:00.000-04:00

Rosie O'Donnell has talent. She also has a problem that clearly steered out of control on her annual gay and lesbian cruise. Rosie reportedly took out a giant photo of former "View" friend(?) and co-host Elizabeth Hasselbeck marked up like the devil. But Rosie is the one that never looked so malicious. Earth to Ro, grow up. Then Rosie supposedly said about Elizabeth, "Her only f--king credit was Survivor."

Loose lips sink ships. The former comedian has rarely sunk so low. "I can't fight with pregnant people," she complained, explaining the behind-the-back stab to Elizabeth who's carrying her second child. "Just go have your baby and have a nice life..."

Meanwhile, back at The View, conservative Elizabeth flashed her bare belly, milking her pregnancy for all it's worth. I didn't see it. But I tape all the daytime talk shows and now will try to go back and watch it. One wonders if the belly-baring wasn't subconsciously at least prompted by Rosie's remark below, which made a splash in the news:

After attacking Elizabeth from a safe distance at sea, Rosie took aim at another arch enemy, Trump, saying she would like to break in to his apartment and rub her belly all over him.

Well, this is the bottom line: Trump isn't going belly up, for sure. And Rosie, who I suspect is suffering from perimenopause and the need for attention and revenge, and Elizabeth, who is probably having hormonal swings of her own plus a craving for ratings, will survive. Actually, when it comes to fame and fortune, they'll thrive.

And that's the way it is July 17th, 2007, to paraphrase that great broadcaster, Walter Cronkite. P.S. Congratulations to Norman Borlaug, the biotechnology expert who is called the greatest living American for saving millions of lives through his scientific contributions. He was honored at The White House today. Both political parties showed up for the ceremony--none of the major American networks did. So, remember his name. You may not see it again. But there will be plenty of coverage of The War of Rosie's...

WHAT'S IN A NAME 4 REAL?

2007-06-27T00:04:00.000-04:00

Nuts. No my Mother didn't actually name me nuts. But the name she had in mind had nuts in it. My Mom was a baseball player as Madonna was in that movie. She called herself Bobbi--short for her middle name Roberta--when she was on the ball team. She liked everything that guys liked--sports, cars, tools... She liked wearing the pants, figuratively speaking. So, when she got pregnant by my handsome, but not super-aggressive Father, she assumed control of the naming. There was a catch. She wanted to name me after a ball player. My Mother never dreamed she could give birth to a girl. When I came out with a female anatomy, my Mother reportedly screamed something like, "It must be a mistake. I couldn't give birth to a girl. I don't get girls even--they cry and sniffle and whine... This baby should be a boy... In fact, his name is after a great ball player-- either Babe Ruth or Pudding Head Jones." Puh--leeze,Pudding Head--I think whatever they were giving my Mom for pain had changed her mind to mush, As for the ball player/candy bar moniker, I can just hear some smutty guy saying, "Oh, can I take a bite of you," or worse, if you get my drift. Luckily, my Dad's mind must have worked along the same lines. "Honey," he said, "Why don't we name the baby, after the best person in the world? You." That was the bait--and my Mom nibbled. Dorothy I became.

So, I'm glad the judge nixed the oddball name of 4Real. The name makes you wonder if the parents are. Where was a judge when that poor girl in Texas was named Ima and her last name was Pig. And I do think whoever said movie stars shouldn't be allowed to name their own kids had a point.

Of course, being named after your Mother left you feeling you didn't have a name you could call your own. It was like will the right Dorothy stand up? Mom was called Big Dorothy and I, Little Dorothy. Then, I got bigger, so people would jokingly say Big Dorothy and Bigger Dorothy. Yipes, but I was bigger! Yeah, of course, I tried using Dot, Dory, Dottie, Dee and every nickname in the book. But different people gave my Mom the same nickname so there was always confusion. When I started to submit articles for magazines to publish, I was going by Dory. Back then if you were a female journalist, you covered the Pillsbury Bake-Off... I wanted something meatier like Presidential politics. Now, if you put your first and middle initials, editors assumed you were a girl trying to hide it. So, I thought, hmmn, one little stroke and Dory becomes Dary and they think I'm a ball player-type. Visions of Daryl Strawberry came to mind.

So, in the end my Mom got her sporty name. She also got "a boy." And I got plum writing assignments. I also receive a lot of mail aimed at males--for Viagra, cigars, jockey shorts... But I picked the name, so I'll take the blame. Maybe there ought to be a law--kids get to name themselves as soon as they are old enough. There wouldn't be too many Babe Ruth's running around. As 4real, I think you could 4get that too.
Labels: 4Real, baby names, celebrity names, juniors, movie stars names, nicknames

posted by Dary Day @ 10:26 PM 0 comments links to this post

SHOULD PARIS HILTON BE CALLED A SLUT?

2007-06-22T23:48:00.000-04:00

I came down hard on Paris for driving under the influence. But I hated the opinion pieces about her that called her a slut. SLUT IS A FOUR LETTER SEXIST SLUR. What do you call a male "slut"? A stud? A bad boy? Well, we all know how bad boys are so alluring that there are articles on how to get over your fixation for them. Now, where do you see a piece in a men's magazine on how to get over your attraction to sluts? Stud is usually uttered with a drool.A slut is someone you would spit at--after you bedded her and strutted your stuff.

The double standard is alive and sick.

Justin pulls off Janet's blouse during the super bowl on the boob tube, and Janet gets the blame, as if it were a solo act. Janet packs on the pounds (to make her too unattractive to sin again, a shrink would say); Justin packs them in when he sings and reels in babes like Cameron Diaz et al which shows he swings. My daughters were about ten and eleven at the time. I didn't appreciate them being exposed to some one's private part publicly. So, don't think I approve of the wardrobe malfunction. I talked to my daughters about it. Who do you think was to blame, I asked with a poker-give-no-clues face. "Justin," my little ten-year-old Judge Judy said. "Justin pulled off the top," her sidekick sibling chimed in, realizing it takes two. Out of the mouths of babes, who call them as they see them--although in this case they shouldn't have seen what they did. If Janet had pulled off the material in front of Justin's crotch, would it just have been Justin's fault. You can bet your bottoms it wouldn't. Janet would have been a "slut." The breast incident was always thereafter referred to in the press when they talked about a decency crack down that followed as "after the Janet Jackson incident."

This brings us to The Monica Lewinsky affair--as if she had oral sex by herself. Yes, the President got impeached. But then he went on to make millions by speaking in public. I met the former President shortly after he got out of office at an award luncheon for female broadcasters. Each honoree got to choose who they wanted to present them with the press award. A serious female journalist chose Bill. She wouldn't be the first--or last--woman. The women in this polished press corps melted like candy in the flame of a candle. The President clearly lit their fire. Meanwhile, Monica ate candy and more. Even when she tried to repent for pigging out, public outrage erupted that she wasn't a fit role model for Jenny Craig. Pass another Scarlet Letter A. Brand her for life. And hail to the Chief Stud.

Why can men get away with their sexual escapades while women are labeled sluts and hos? Some may argue it's not completely a man's world anymore, now that we chicks got the vote and run for office with our stud muffins at our side even. But the bedroom still belongs to the men. When do we get equal rights to use it for sex?

A video of Paris having sex was on the internet. Do I want my daughters to emulate her. No way! But why wasn't the guy called a slut? Because there is no equivalent word for males. There is not equal judgment. Print what you want about Paris. But if you wouldn't say the same about a guy in a similar position, then it's sexist. Case closed.

But why do I feel it's a little like prohibition. Even if you couldn't use this word in print or on TV or radio or polite company, people would do it anyway. Calling a woman a SLUT is just another way men keep us down. And they sure have made that glass ceiling more shatter proof, because many a female journalists are doing the dirty work of our male-dominated society. But is that surprising when even the word feminist is almost a dirty word that women shrink from. The ad might say, "We've come a long way, baby." It'll be a lot further though when we don't need to throw in the word baby and we don't need to use the word slut.

EMPTY NEST SYNDROME: STOP THE PRETENSE

2007-06-20T09:33:00.000-04:00

My 14-year-old just went to sleep-away camp. I miss her and it's only been five minutes. I have a life of my own: a talk show, writing, volunteer work in the arts and community service, which I love. Tonight I have a film committee meeting, which I can go to without guilt for leaving the children, where we're getting ready to screen some of the best movies of the year and talk to some of the top filmmakers. I'm invited to see Danny Aiello's new completed film in which he co-stars with Judith Light (from Who's the Boss? The film is called The Shoemaker. I watched the takes as it was being made. That was fascinating. Danny is a super person and a great actor--and has that Oscar to prove it. I think he might get another for this role. So,I'm really looking forward to the screening of this fine film.

I'm writing a book on dogs, starting a new website on teens, packing and moving to a new town, and I'm in the midst of getting scholarships for a hundred inner city kids for my daughter's camp. It's a $1200 free value for each child. I'll let you know if there are any openings. A bus leaves from New York City and takes them to upstate New York for a week of fun-filled fresh air and summer activities. I feel good about that. I have a life--sometime too much of one to get relaxation. So why do I miss my Darling Daughter (DD) so much? Because I love her with all my heart and soul and then some. I've been with her 24/7 since she was born--except when she was at school or out and about, of course.

I've decided you can't love so deeply and not miss someone--no matter how chockful your schedule is. I'm happy for my DD that she went or I wouldn't have scraped for the money to send her. But let's stop pretending if we have a life of our own we won't miss our daughters and sons when they are away.

Love with a man means lifelong companionship if you're lucky, and so far I have been. Loving a child means loving them from afar as they get older. Yes, keep interests, friends and a career of your own. But accept that you are still going to ache for your teens when you give them wings. There's an old saying about romantic love: It's better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. Well, when it comes to children: it's better to have them, love them, let them grow up and miss them--then never to have had them at all.

BEING A MOTHER IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS--EVEN THOUGH IT MEANS LOVING YOUR CHILDREN ENOUGH TO LET THEM GO. LABOR PAINS ARE TALKED ABOUT WITHOUT GUILT. EMPTY NEST PAIN IS USUALLY BRUSHED ASIDE WITH: GET A LIFE. WELL, GET THIS: YOU CAN HAVE A CRAM-PACKED LIFE AND IF YOU LOVE YOUR CHILDREN, YOU'RE HAPPY TO SEE THEM GROW AND GO. HOWEVER, WHEN THEY GO AWAY,IT'S STILL GOING TO HURT--LEAVE A HOLE IN YOUR HEART. AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE YOU ONLY LIVE THROUGH THEM. WHEN YOU GET OTHER MOTHERS TO CONFIDE YOU HEAR THE TRUTH. ONE MOM TOLD ME SHE MISSED HER ONLY DAUGHTER SO MUCH WHEN SHE WENT TO COLLEGE THE MOM WOULD LOVINGLY HOLD TO HER CHEEK THE DAUGHTER'S CLOTHING AND TAKE IN HER SWEET SCENT. I COUNT THE DAYS LIKE A LOVE SICK PUPPY --EVEN THOUGH I AM BEYOND BUSY-- UNTIL THE CAMP LETS MY DAUGHTER CALL (PHONE CALLS ARE RESTRICTED SO THE KIDS DON'T GET HOMESICK LOL). JUST AS LABOR PAINS GO WITH GIVING BIRTH, SEPARATION PAINS ACCOMPANY YOUR OFFSPRING GOING AWAY TO CAMP, ON TRIPS, OFF TO COLLEGE...AND MOVING TO THEIR OWN APARTMENTS AND HOUSES ONE DAY. BUT EVEN WHEN THEY ARE GROWN, AS LONG AS OUR CHILDREN ARE HAPPY, HEALTHY AND KEEP COMING HOME TO THEIR MOM AND DAD FOR A HUG AND HOME COOKED MEAL, WE'RE THE LUCKIEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. BARBRA STREISAND SINGS, "PEOPLE WHO NEED PEOPLE ARE THE LUCKIEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD." MAKE THAT SECOND LUCKIEST. PARENTS WHO NEED THEIR CHILDREN ARE THE LUCKIEST, BAR NONE! HOORAY FOR PARENTHOOD!!!

THE PARIS HILTON STORY WE NEED TO HEAR

2007-06-17T12:49:00.000-04:00

I missed a lot of the Paris Hilton story. As the sexy celebutante went to jail, got sprung, and went back wailing, I was too busy keeping my own kids on the right path. My oldest daughter graduated from eighth grade with lots of activities ranging all week from rock concerts to D.J. parties for parents to oversee and my 5'8" 13-year-old who could double for a supermodel had a big birthday bash which called for careful chaperoning, so it would be sure to turn out a blast but not a bust. Bringing up teens today is a full time job with overtime when the magazines marketed specifically to them are filled with famous young females (Paris, Britney, Lindsey, Nichole et al) who dance without pants on table tops, go in and out of rehab like it's a revolving door, and treat a DUI like it's something to giggle about on a TV talk show.

But The Big Media missed the real Paris Hilton story too. Hilton's jail tale began when she was driving while drinking. She was ordered to to undergo education about alcohol and automobiles as part of this arrest that night when her high-priced car weaved its way along the highway. She didn't take the course to learn what the real deal is when someone sloshed gets behind the wheel. It often leads to death. Now, that's a sentence you can't appeal.

40% of drinking and driving fatalities in California are alcohol related deaths. Was 40% of the media coverage about drunk driving? You don't have to be glued to the tube too long to do the math. Talk of drunk driving tanked in relationship to Paris's prison plight by many a mile. It seems the media is under the influence of sensationalism that sells--and shortchanges behavior that kills. When I did manage to play cable catch up--I saw old footage of Paris striking an alluring pose after the jailhouse rock shots got chewed up by our 24/7 news coverage system. I saw Paris's perfect blond hair extensions swinging as she strutted her stuff, and she looked, well, hot. Sure there were lots of debates about whether her wealth, celebrity and power made her get special treatment. But there were tons of shots of her slipping and sliding like a sex object on a car in a commercial as well. We should have seen scenes of cars killing real people instead. Paris shooting an erotic ad with an auto wasn't what launched "One of the Top News Stories of the Year." Paris driving a car smashed and turning it into a loaded weapon was what started the shot heard round the world--the ensuing media frenzy and public uproar.

America debated whether Paris' was "cracking up." Why didn't we hear more about an inebriated Paris possibly cracking up her car and killing herself and others? What better time to drive home the point that U.S. Drunk Driving Deaths have risen to the highest level in 14 years? Or that alcohol-related motor vehicle crashes kill someone every 31 minutes?

Couldn't drunk driving have 15 minutes of fame? Who has to get killed because of booze before the media sobers up? Oh, there was token TV coverage. But talk of drunk drivers was so fleeting on the panels debating the case on television I could barely catch one sensible SOLUTION pointed out by a guest. A parent who had lost a child because of a drunk driver came on a show (albeit along with a group of other assorted guests who overshadowed him) and said there was a way to put equipment in a car that tests whether someone is too drunk to drive. Wow--that could save a lot of lives. But it couldn't get much air time. I tested how difficult it was to get info on the product--especially after I heard Rosie explain how it's hard to gauge how much alcohol you drank when you're eating and all before hopping behind the wheel. And this is a woman who worries about gun control--what about driving a car you can't control because of liquor? What is this: select your weapon of choice? A car with a drunk "operating" it becomes a machine that maims and kills as well as a gun.

What hit me the worst though is an informal poll I took of young people. They told me--each and everyone--"she (Paris) didn't go to jail because she was drinking and driving." They were correct, of course. But then they went on to dish about how they could drink and drive and not wind up in jail too. When the ubiquitously glammed up Paris first got put in the slammer because she was driving with a suspended license, she defended herself by saying she doesn't read these papers, she has people do that. Couldn't someone in that 24 hour cable coverage stress no one was driving for her drunk? Worst, she could well afford to hire "people" to dash out for that late night hamburger run that iniated "The Hilton Horror Story."

Do I enjoy seeing anyone in the jail cell that Paris occupies? No. But I'll tell you who I pity a whole lot more than Paris in prison? The people killed because of a drunk driver. There's no cliff hanger either. Everybody does equal time in a grave. It's a crime that this was almost a dead issue in a case that captured the media's glare and caused the public to stare. Hey, but there's hope. You see, Paris does get sprung soon, and The Grand Dame of Broadcasting (Barbara Walters of The View) has led us to believe that Paris was born again, thank God. Maybe now a repentant Paris will take that course on alcohol and motor vehicles as ordered--and use her sexy sales skills to sell the idea for people to stop imbibing and driving. For the girl who doesn't want "to act dumb" anymore, that would be smart. Paris would be wiser than the media--and let's face it, the masses. If we didn't want to see her sexy poses on TV and in papers and magazines--they wouldn't be there. Let's watch her crusade to stop drunk driving, to stop the slaughter of innocent people. This will never be the most popular piece on Paris. It's not sexy or sensational or juicy. But as that old commercial for a Kosher product went: We (in this case, the press) answer to a higher authority. Isn't it time we let Edward R. Murrow rest in peace? Whoops--I've been writing this about a half hour. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Someone is about to be killed because of mixing alcohol and automobiles--it could be you or a loved one. Hammer that home Hilton! You might not make more millions doing so. But you could help save millions of lives. REMEMBER WE ALL ANSWER TO A HIGHER AUTHORITY--EVEN WHEN WE'RE NOT IN JAIL.

NO WAY TO GO, RO

2007-05-29T01:12:00.000-04:00

The show is called "The View"--not "Rosie's View". That's why there are co-hosts to give their opinions. So, what is wrong with this picture? Rosie knew the rules going in--it's not Her Show (been there, done that well; new deal). So, it's not shout it out until the co-hosts cave and give Rosie some satisfaction. If you don't like this set-up, don't take the gig.

Okay, now the jig is up. Rosie got mad and bailed before her contract was up. I hear the angry phrases now spouting out of her mouth. Something like, "Oh, yes, the media will say "big, fat, loud lesbian and...Christian Elizabeth." I remember other headlines that said little Elizabeth couldn't hold her own against Rosie the rating -raiser ranter. Well, little Elizabeth, whether you agree with her or not, went toe to toe --or poking finger to poking finger--with the TV host who has more years under her belt--and Emmys on the "mantle." Also, little Elizabeth, the token political spokesperson to voice the unpopular opinions, did so like a pro. It was either that or crawl under a rock--and Elizabeth is a "A Survivor" after all.But she wasn't about to eat crow for Ro. It was Rosie who felt if she couldn't take the heat, she had to get out of the studio, regardless of her word and prior committment. Then to put her own face on this brand of broadcasting, one of her people drew a moustache on Elizabeth's picture.

My teens saw this in the paper. When you have a rumble, you're splashed across a rag--plus for good measure, you can blab on your blog. My kids can relate to this--these are school yard tactics, a real attention-grabber at that. My 13-year-old asked if I saw where a guest dissed Elizabeth on another episode, clearly caught up in the "Mean Girl" teen tactics played out in the adult world. So, I tell my girls the following: "If you don't like what someone is saying on a job you are committed to after school, you don't say that you're going to hit the road and not come back. You're a big girl. Just meet your responsibilities. Give notice, make arrangements, leave when you HAVE GIVEN YOUR WORD YOU WILL GO. YOU ARE ONLY AS GOOD AS YOUR WORD. You're not a child who picks up her marbles and goes home if the game isn't going your way.

Ro, that's just about what I would say to you. But I'm not sure you have the capacity to listen to anyone's view that doesn't support your actions. You were not the foster kid brought in that didn't get adopted as you put it. You were the kid brought on where there were sisters and you wanted to be the only child.

AMY FISHER AND JOEY BUTTAFUOCO: THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT???!!!

2007-05-18T19:22:00.000-04:00

When is shooting a woman in the head in real life presented as "Entertainment"?

When Amy Fisher is pulling the trigger.

Why is the Long Island Lolita (Amy's nickname) romantic reunion with jailbird Joey Buttafuoca 15 years after the crime being featured on a TV Entertainment Show?

It really sickened me when Jon Benet's death was played out almost nightly on the various ENTERTAINMENT TV shows--and they are sticking it to us once more.

Now, Amy and Joey are back together again for a dinner for two and the media machine is taping their first date as if it's an episode of "The Bachelor" instead of the reunion of a real life attempted murderer and a philandering ex-con. The camera and reporters poured over what kind of wine the creepy couple drank on their first get-together and even asked Joey the Jailbird to kiss the attempted lady killer for onlookers as if they were the King and Queen of England, instead of all too common criminals from Long Island.

To run a little background check here for anyone who has managed to escape this gory story over the years: amorous Amy while a teenager (thus, the nickname Long Island Lolita) was having an affair with the married auto mechanic, Joey Buttafuoco, and Amy shot Mrs. Buttafuoco, in the head--darn near blew her brains out--to wipe the wife off the scene and leave Joey free for the teen. Mary Jo Buttafuoco survived although with permanent physical to say nothing of emotional damage. The shot heard around the news world took place in 1992. Anyway, time goes by: Amy does it--time, that is--in prison, Mary Jo goes through hell trying to heal, and Joey gets put in jail for ammunition possession. For the record, among other sordid and sorry details Amy married someone else and when her sentence in the slammer was up she appeared on Oprah to say how she was now reformed and offered hope for other teens. Axe that advice. The Buttafuocos broke up after Mary Jo's head got split open by Amy. To move the tale of this gruesome twosome along, Joey started talking with Amy while he was in jail. Recently, the remarried Joey's current spouse divorced the louse as did the the former Long Island Lolita's. These are just a few high points or rather low points as Amy is now 32; Joey, 53. So, a lot has gone down--way down. If all these machinations have gone over your head, be glad. Mary Jo wishes some things had gone over her head too--such as the bullet. The point here is not to cover the details of their immoral, pathetic lives--but to slam the fact that "Entertainment" TV Shows are covering Amy and Joey's reunion in romantic detail "...they shared chocolate mousse...for dessert." Gag me with a spoon. Well, at least they didn't order brains as a main course.

How far have we really come from the days when Romans watched killing for entertainment? Not far enough. Okay, we may not stand in the Colosseum and cheer. We watch while eating dinner in the comfort of our entertainment rooms. That's progress? If we don't learn from history, we're doomed to repeat it. Rome fell. So I say, morally, Bye, Bye, Miss American Pie.

The USA is going the same way ethically--if we really think an attempted murderer hooking up with the man of the wife who this other "woman" (read teenybopper) tried to knock off is Entertainment, if we actually think Amy and Joey belong right up their on the screen with Angelina and Brad, Reese and Ryan, as if the convicted couple are movie stars instead of real life murder case characters.

Okay, maybe this story is news--but it's not Entertainment. The road to stardom was always strewn with a lot of broken hearts--but now it's also filled with a lot of blown out brains. The buzz is Amy and Joey are shopping a "reality" show. Well, they sure didn't try to keep their dinner date under cover. Indeed, they made quite a splash strolling in the rain under one umbrella. It was like, paparazzi, pop me. It used to be you do the crime, you do the time. Now, it's you do the crime, you do TV. When Paris Hilton got sentenced to jail for an offense that began with her drinking and driving, I handed my kids the newspaper and said, "Don't drink and drive, don't break the law. See where you land--in jail." What do I say about Amy? Look, honey, have an affair with a married man when you're a teenager, try to kill his wife and see where you'll land. On TV--with the stars?! I don't have to say it to them. Television is making that case to our kids--it's choosing ratings over doing the right thing. Money over murder. Maybe we should counter by choosing a TV Entertainment Show that has the guts to pass on the sensational Amy/Joey saga and redefine the meaning of That's Entertainment, instead of making us ask the question: Murder and Mayhem-- That's Entertainment???!!!!

MOM'S MANTRAS: WORDS TO LIVE BY

2007-05-12T00:12:00.000-04:00

WHAT'S YOUR LINE?

As Mother's Day arrives with the Hallmark cards and Apple Pie, I can't help but think of the sayings my Mother repeated throughout my childhood. In her way, she was feeding my mind thoughts to grow on. Some are as common as the garden variety cold. Mothers must have spread them across the land.

"Money doesn't grow on trees," was a perennial favorite as you showed your haul from the mall and got a glare that made you feel you were destined to cause your family to wind up on food stamps.

"Eat your vegetables. The children in Africa, (India or any place a parent chooses) are starving." But not for your cold, limp, soggy unfinished spinach that was so yucky it would cause Popeye to hawk another veggie.

There are the lines a little more tailored though just for you by your mother. Here are some of my Mother's faves:

1. "There is no such word as can't."

This led me to try all kinds of tasks I wasn't prepared for. I went to college, for example, without taking, much less scoring high on the SAT'S, and I didn't have college prep either. No problem. What me worry? At NYU, I would sit in the stairwells alone and cry because I had to take courses with prerequisites such as geometry, about which I was totally clueless. Talk about playing catch-up. To overcompensate, I would study until my brain felt like Mount Vesuvius about to go off. When the grades were posted on the bulletin board, I'd be number one through the sheer number of round-the-clock study sessions along with enough Starbucks to wake up the state of Alaska. I am grateful to this day to my darling Mother for this motivational mantra--but I am also very glad I discovered transcendental meditation.

2. "Your big mouth will always get you in trouble."

She was right on the nose with this one. Luckily, as a talk show host, it's my job to put both feet in my mouth.

Well, these were her top two. What were your mother's?

THEN AGAIN, WHAT DO WE TELL THE CHILDREN?

I tell my daughters "Winners never quit and quitters never win." I have no idea if this is psychologically healthy or not. I do know my one daughter's arm used to get sore from pitching one year when the team had no one else who would even be a relief pitcher. So, my daughter vowed she would throw every pitch at every game no matter how she felt. It was her choice, without any one at home even knowing about her decision. But were my words at work in her little mind--and were they the right ones to live by? "Father Time"--not this Mother--will tell.

DO THE SAME WORDS FIT THE CHILD?

My girlfriend doesn't enjoy a morsel of food because to keep her slim her mother said before each bite, "Eat it today, wear it tomorrow." That's a leap from bon appetit. Now, my friend stayed as skinny as a piece of macaroni. But she fed the same line to her son growing up, and he's as round as a meatball. Her other son hits the right spot on the scale. Go figure!

BUT SOMETIMES THERE IS NO CHANGE

There is one saying my Mother always said that I now hear myself parroting with my daughters. "Take some extra money. You can always bring what's left over home." I never did; neither do my daughters. Some things never change.

AND SOMETIMES IT'S WORSE: RAISING A DAUGHTER IN THE AGE OF PARIS HILTON

Being a mother in my mind will always be the most important--and hardest--job in the world. But it seems a much more Herculean task today, partly because we're doing it, not our mothers, and also because the times have been a changing in not a child-friendly way. I wonder, wonder, wonder who wrote THE Book on Motherhood and why don't we all get a course in Parenting 101, speaking of prerequisites. If there were classes, right now I'd sign up for "How to Raise Your Daughter in the Age of Paris Hilton." I heard through someone who knows Paris well that Paris's mother always told her to be a star, to gain fame.

When I did something that made it seem I was in need of a morality clause, my Mom always came through with the Mother of all lines: "I'm going to have to call a Priest," which was particularly scary since Mom was a Protestant. But I'm grateful to God for this repetitive phrase more than any other. So, on this Mother's Day as Paris' Mom hires her the best get-out-of-jail free DUI lawyer to put the right words in her mouth, I remember my Mother's threat to call "a Priest, a Bishop if I have to" if I thought of drinking anything stronger than a Coke, let alone driving at the same time.

I look up toward heaven and say "Thanks, Mom" for the lines--at times they are "life lines" really.

Bloggers Choice Awards

2007-05-07T13:12:00.000-04:00

My show's site has been nominated for a Bloggers Choice Award. If you would consider voting for me, Click on this link to vote for it! When you go to this website, it will ask you to create an account to vote! To do this all you need to do is click on vote and then follow the prompts to "create a new account"

Thanks a mil--make it a bil because of inflation!

THE SECRET REASON WE NEED "AMERICAN IDOL"

2007-04-28T00:25:00.000-04:00

American Idol makes for a lot of idle conversation everywhere from water coolers to talk shows. But nobody ever really zeroes in on why we need it! It's the one show that bridges the generation gap--it brings families together. Sometime, I find it sad that my husband's in the den watching the Giants or Jets or any men on TV throwing a ball, my two daughters are in their rooms playing a video game or soaking up Sponge Bob, Square Pants (pardon the pun), a cartoon I PRETEND to love as much as my kids do. But with American Idol (AI), my husband and I aren't faking it as we've done for a whole day watching a Sponge Bob marathon so we could share "quality?" time with our children. Thank goodness, my award for being best actress in high school is paying off as I feign an obsession with a creature living under the sea.

What other TV programs besides AI do kids and adults watch with equal enthusiasm? (Not enough.) True, all is not ideal about "Idol." There was the Paula playing around with a contestant flap. Simon Cowell can be cruel in his criticism and makes us all cringe and scowl. But let's face it, he also makes us howl laughing when he's ripping apart a contestant warbling "Like a Virgin" like an amateur who shouldn't even go near a karaoke machine. But this is a reality show, and the reality is my friends who have gone on auditions have heard comments on a par with Cowell's. If you can't take the heat, stay out of the audition room.

The night it really hit me though how much the music on AI originated before the Millenium Baby generation, is the evening the show featured songs written only from 2000 on. It was the first time my kids sang along and knew the words, while my husband and I didn't. This night the music was from the world they were born in to, not the one we were. My teen was only 6 years old in the year 2000. Think about it. They didn't grow up knowing The Beatles, Motown, Elvis and, Michael Jackson, professionally or, thank gooodness, personally. (They sleep over real kids' houses.)

So, Howard Stern can get his jollies and ratings trying to axe AI. It's more than a few notches up from his stripper routines. I think Howard has talent and would grab more listeners--if he would cut the smut. I don't think he cares about parents and kids watching TV together a half of an iota. But I do. Our family even all went to an AI live concert the year Reuben was big (oops--I did it again) and came in first. To boot, I gave an AI Birthday Party and had Simon, Randy and Paula look-a-likes. The kids sang and were judged by a kinder, gentler version of the judges. After all, this was reality, not a reality show; a party, not a try-out for a concert or record deal. Our aim was fun, not fame.

But AI has brought us fun; and I am glad tucked away in my kids' memories will be the four of us huddled around one TV set lost in laughter, just as families did routinely when television was family-friendly and not a violent alien that has invaded our homes and is killing off our children's innocence. I'd rather watch a boy sing "Like a Virgin" off key than a mad man/boy brag about offing his fellow students at Virginia Tech, leaving kids wondering who could be the next American Killer? Let's give fame to the right youngsters--and give youth a chance!

IMUS: NO END IN SIGHT--OR WITHIN HEARING RANGE

2007-04-15T20:48:00.000-04:00

"IMANIA": A STORY WITHOUT END
The Imus-Rutgers incident launched "Imania"--a seemingly endless stream of comments because it touched on everything from freedom of speech to female athletes to rappers to rape cases to racism to sexism to shock jocks to humor to prostitutes to politicians and media stars to corporate maneuvers to the influence of youth, YouTube and the internet to Al Sharpton to Ann Coulter to Rush Limbaugh to Jesse Jackson to Hymie Town to Tawana Brawley to Rosie, and more... You could go on and on, and people will.
So,'m just going to say the last word (okay, for now) on a few points, about this story that can be analyzed from a thousand plus angles.
IMUS, THE LITMUS TEST
In my last post (see "Imus in the Aftermath") I wrote that once upon a time I used to listen to Imus. Actually, years ago, my husband and I tuned in together if not daily--a lot. It seems so long ago that I forgot about it until I was chatting with a college deejay about the I-mess. In broadcasting myself, I recalled I even once had an "Imus Litmus" test. Before I worked with one producer, I asked her how she felt about Imus-in-the-Morning." Although Imus was considered a man's show, I listened to it, and if someone wouldn't, I'd probably find them too stuffy when it came to putting on a talk show together at least. I liked the interviews with the media (Russert, Dowd et al) because Imus loosened them up--and then too I feel at home with let-it-all-hang-out comic types who can't resist going for a laugh. But the slurs started getting in the way, more and more and more. So, I'd tune in for Jeff Greenberg or Andrea Mitchell and out when it was just Imus, Bernard and the in-house gang. Finally, I was almost totally not watching. Plus,I hated missing The Today Show, because it kept me in the know, in a general broad stroked way. My husband and I moved to his and her morning TV rooms and ate breakfast at separate tables. He'd call me when one of my faves such as Maureen Dowd came on, then it was straight from cable and back to Matt and Katie.
IT'S THE TALENT, NOT THE INSULTS, STUPID
The irony is I may be in the minority, but I don't think the slurs made the I-Man. (To the contrary--they made me and other women I know turn him off, just as we do Stern because of the smut.) You could put a hundred Imus wannabes on the air who could shoot off insults faster than Don Rickles on speed and they wouldn't become top talk show hosts. Imus was a success because he has talent and craft, not because he sling slurs. Otherwise, it would be easy to replace him. You could just put on a couple white dudes sitting around, talking about everybody in an disparaging way and you'd have a major hit. It ain't gonna happen. The guy created a salon to put it in fancy terms, or a saloon, to put it not so grandly. It was a broadcasting hangout where People liked to drop in and weigh in--a talk show version of "Cheers," for politicians, pundits and authors... Yes, and everybody knew their names, but saw them talk in a different vein on this show. That was a big draw. It wasn't that the biggies showed up--it was that they showed a different side of themselves then you get on mainstream TV. On other shows, it seemed they were acting as if they were in a formal living room. On Imus they were in a messy den. You're really going to yuk it up and let it all hang out on C-Span? That's a laugh. Imus' guests didn't drink (going back to that call-me-crazy-Cheers analogy). But Imus plied them loose with attitude, and with the locker room m.o. made them feel they would be totally uncool if they acted uptight or straight laced. Imus did this partly because he himself shot from the hip--and, yes, then the gun slipped and he shot himself in the foot. Loose lips can make for a terrific (or terrible) talk show; and loose lips sink ships--and talk show hosts.
THE RETURN OF IMUS
Imus could ride off into the sunset in his limousine, private jet or horse--however he wants to travel. But if he wants to be back on the air (and I'd bet my plasma TV, if I had one, he does), there will be a big listening audience waiting. Actually, the firing from radio, a medium whose theme song can be: how low can you go, leaves his loyal listeners dying to have him on the air because they think he was the victim of overkill. Then add in those curious to see how this saga plays out. No one knows exactly how this will end. A born again shock jock because he's had a wake up call? Imus the terrible? Imus, the angry? A combo? The point is it'll only be over when, as the vintage Don Imus would put it, "the scrawny old bag of bones" sings his own swan song.

Stay Tuned...

"NO MAMMOGRAMS NEEDED UNTIL AGE 50": WHOSE BREAST IS IT ANYWAY?

2007-04-11T12:10:00.000-04:00

MAMMOGRAM MUMBLE JUMBLE:

As Eizabeth Edwards was telling people that she had neglected to get mammograms and felt her cancer could have been detected earlier if she had, new mammography guidelines were being issued by The American College of Physicians that had cancer specialists beating their breasts. The new recommendations do not call for mammograms for women from 40 to 49, instead they suggest individually educating patients about mammography. Let the education begin. American Cancer Society board member Dr. Arnold Baskies blasted the report, calling it "a step backward." Yes, it may be one big step forward for saving insurance companies money, but it is a giant leap backwards for womankind. "The failure to screen women in their 40s will cause unnecessary deaths," said Dr.David Dershaw, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center's breast imaging chief. The American Cancer Society supports annual mammograms for women ages 40-49; The National Cancer Institute, every one or two years. According to "A Patient's Guide to Breast Cancer," issued by the organization, CURE, mammograms have reduced the fatality rate for breast cancer by nearly 25%. We, of course, should have educational consultations with our doctors to determine if we need a mammogram, as well as other detection tests such as an MRI or Ultrasound (see my posts about these measures). But just keep in mind: while others are debating mammography guidelines and are beating their breasts, we women have a more important job--keeping ours.

IMUS IN THE AFTERMATH

2007-04-10T15:23:00.000-04:00

PUBLICITY, SEXISM AND RACISM REIGN
Once upon a time I used to listen to Imus. Then I got tired of the sexist, racial remarks. I can read them on bathroom walls--they stink in the john and worse in a TV studio. Maybe it's something about the air waves carrying the foul odor out. And the crude comments are not funny either place. The put downs are what you say when you can't think of anything witty--it's what "frat boys" do when they want to act like "we're cool" and "you're not." So, I switched off the I-man, because he turned me off. So, what was I doing listening to him today? The sexist, racist insults made The News Big Time--just as Michael Richards' rant did and Mel Gibson's. So, now we had another train wreck, a media soap opera to fill the tube time.

WHO WILL STAND BY THE I-MAN?
So, it became all--or at least a lot--about Imus. Would he be fired or wouldn't he? Would the politicians and guests from the media come back on the show? Would the advertisers stand by their I-man. McCain was the first former guest I heard. The Senator said he believed in redemption. Ah men. Imus had apologized--two days after the fact, but, hey, better late then never, if Sharpton et al was going to be all over him like a wet gym shirt. So, McCain would be on the show again. In Real Talk, that means I'm running for President and am not going to give up the air time. Guiliani is beating me in the polls. African-Americans vote Democratic anyway. Up to bat next was Carville, the great liberal, who chimed in on The Today Show, which airs on NBC and so is in bed with Imus, as his show is on MSNBC. Carville would not desert his friends. His heart went out to Deidre and Don. Ah, Jeff Greenfield--a brilliant analyst and real humorist when he wants to be--would give his take on Imus in the Morning live. Jeff chided his buddy for the sterotypical way he made fun of African-Americans. Jeff, who now works for CBS, who's also in bed with Imus, as they say in the biz, told Imus not to lose his edge, just to watch those cutting remarks against African-Americans. Don assured Jeff they've been thinking about it a long time, right, Bernard. They might even have an African-American on to talk about how light-skinned African-Americans show prejudice against dark skinned African-Americans and provide other racist insights. Wow! As for women being fair game for the boys to slam--well, the hos remark slipped under the radar in the chat with Jeff. Hey, you only have so much time. We had to hear about how Imus had the courage to walk in to Reverend Sharpton's show alone, how Deidre couldn't appear to plug her new book yet because it wouldn't be appropriate, how Imus would serve his two week suspension with some dignity, and how Imus was a good man who says bad things. Maybe Maureen (Dowd) will speak up for women since she wrote the book, Are Men Necessary? Are men who "joke" like Imus? Oh, go, Mo, win won for the "hos".

HERE'S THE SCOOP In case you want to spend your time keeping up on the latest news about Anna Nicole's daughter or how shock jock Howard Stern is trying to bring down American Idol (heaven forbid there should be a show that both children and their parents watch together), I'll tell you what will happen to Imus. He'll be on after his "time out" for being a bad boy. The politicans (except for some African-Americans who will pull a no show at least until Imus eats more crow) will be his guests, as will members of the media. They will have well-stated reasons for appearing on the show because unlike the bullies who call girls sluts and scrawl other crap (as the father on Everybody Loves Raymond would put it) on bathroom walls, people in politics and the media know how to sound analytical and are, after all, paid to be articulate. The saga will rage on and the ratings will go up, unless the people and African-American community pressure advertisers to pull out. But the networks will never fire Imus as long as he's a cash cow (no offense to the cows). Will I, a woman be a listener? When the slurs against women stop or when the cows come home, whichever comes first. Anybody want to place a bet? Not that the radio stations care--women are not the demo they want any way, as they say in the biz.
HEY, BUT DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL
But then again Imus who reportedly pulled a Jimmy Swaggart might become a born-again shock jock. In any case, his face--even though he's "off the air"-- will be be seen more than ever on TV. And though Imus has politicians and the almighty press on his side, there's always a slight chance the fresh-faced Rutgers Women's Basketball Team could fire the parting shot...It's doubtful given the seemingly open-mindedness and outright kindness of these admirable young ladies. But it's enough to keep people glued to the tube. Let's hope it also makes everyone keep their eye on the ball. SO STAY TUNED

And that's the way it is is today, April 10th, 2007, Uncle Walter.

WHAT YOU REALLY NEED TO KNOW ABOUT MRS. EDWARDS

2007-04-06T19:35:00.000-04:00

IF YOU ARE A WOMAN, OR CARE ABOUT ONE--YOU MUST READ THIS!!!
I AM WRITING THIS IN CAPITAL, BOLD LETTERS. THIS IS A QUOTE FROM MRS. EDWARDS, WHOSE STAGE IV CANCER MIGRATED TO HER BONES. "MY CANCER HAD A CHANCE TO SPREAD BECAUSE I SAT AT HOME DOING WHATEVER I THOUGHT WAS IMPORTANT AND I DIDN'T GET MAMMOGRAMS," MRS. EDWARDS TOLD A CROWD IN DAVENPORT, IOWA. BY THE TIME SHE FOUND A LUMP IN HER BREAST, MRS. EDWARDS SAID, IT HAD GROWN TO NINE CENTIMETERS AND THE CANCER HAD SPREAD ELSEWHERE."I DO NOT HAVE TO BE IN THIS SITUATION," SHE SAID. "I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR PUTTING MYSELF, THIS MAN (INDICATING HER HUSBAND) AND MY FAMILY AT RISK. I DID THAT BY MY OWN NEGLIGENCE ABOUT MY HEALTH."

LATER, SENATOR EDWARDS SAID HE KNOWS HIS WIFE DIDN'T GET MAMMOGRAMS BECAUSE SHE ISN'T IN THE HABIT OF PUTTING HERSELF FIRST."

REACH OUT AND HELP A FRIEND!
WOMEN, GET A MAMMOGRAM. SCHEDULE IT AROUND YOUR BIRTHDAY. GIVE YOURSELF THE GIFT OF LIFE. HAVE A MAMMOGRAM BUDDY. GO FOR A MAMMOGRAM AND LUNCH TO CELEBRATE AFTERWARDS. HUSBANDS, GIVE YOUR WIVES A PRESENT. MAKE SURE THEY GET A MAMMOGRAM.

REGISTER WITH THE DARY DAY SHOW MAMMOGRAM MEMO SERVICE.
WE ARE SETTING UP HERE ON THE DAY DAY SHOW A MAMMOGRAM REMINDER SERVICE. LET US KNOW WHEN YOU ARE DUE FOR A MAMMOGRAM, AND YOU WILL GET A MAMMOGRAM MEMO FROM US. JUST SEND YOUR NAME, E-MAIL AND ADDRESS. WE WILL SEND YOU A REMINDER--YOU DO THE REST. SAVE YOUR BREAST--SAVE YOUR LIFE!

MRS. EDWARDS: WIN THE RIGHT TO LIVE WITH ILLNESS

2007-04-03T00:08:00.000-04:00

FIRST, LET US PRAY
Elizabeth Edwards has a cancer that may be incurable. I say may because if you read Bernie Siegel, M.D., a former Yale Oncology Surgeon's observations about prognosis and outcome, you learn no doctor can predict a death sentence. Dr. Siegel noted that many patients who should have been doomed by the diagnosis, lived many years longer than ever expected. Let's first all hope and pray Mrs. Edwards is one. I feel that way for each woman writing me, as The Dary Day Show for years has given insulated mugs to women for getting mammograms. Some requests come in the show from listeners who have "terminal" cancer. These women may not make the news, but our thoughts and prayers go out to all equally.

SHOULD SENATOR AND MRS EDWARDS KILL THE CAMPAIGN?
That's a personal choice for sure. But Katie Couric's pressing interview certainly made the Edwards take the stand in their defense to stay the course. Not that I am out to bury Ms. Couric, but I don't want political reporters or "some people" Ms. Couric referred to burying Mrs. Edwards or anyone else with an illness before their time. That's God's call. And if Mrs. Edwards wants to live as full as life as possible with cancer, I say Hooray for Her. Further, if Senator Edwards feels the same way, then I say he's my kind of guy--not necessarily politically, but personally. Remember the question: what would you do if you only had a short time to live? Those who answer what I'm doing now are doing the right thing.

MRS. EDWARDS ISN'T RUNNING, BUT TWO FORMER CANCER PATIENTS ARE
News Bulletin: Mrs. Edwards isn't running for President. Two candidates who had cancer--Mayor Guiliani and Senator McCain are. Why does a candidate's wife who will work in an unpaid, unelected position have to defend herself to want to live as she chooses? Mrs. Edwards isn't selling drugs--she may have to take them. There's a huge difference. Yes, potential First Ladies may be put under the microscope--and x-ray in this case? But are "some people" allowed to suggest how they are to live their lives with illness? Let's say, Mrs. Edwards' health did force her out of the campaign or activites once in the White House? Couldn't her older daughter, who vowed she would help rear the Edwards two younger children, fill in for First Lady duties as well? But then there's the question--raised by Couric and others--that Senator Edwards would be too distracted by his circumstances to focus on the country. How did we manage to elect a President without a TV interviewer checking this out? Think of FDR or Lincoln being doubted or ousted because of their personal problems.

IMAGINE A COURIC INTERVIEW WITH FDR OR LINCOLN?

FDR on 60 Minutes
Couric: Mr. Roosevelt, is it reasonable for a man in a wheel chair to think he can actually withstand the demands of the Presidency?
Would you step down--if you could step--if you find your handicap prevents you from doing your job?
What if the country were faced with a tremendous crisis such a Great Depression or a World War?
I realize you say there's nothing to fear but fear itself. However, aren't you afraid "some people" would say you are putting your raw ambition first?

PRESIDENT LINCOLN
Mr. President, you lost a child. You're suffering from depression, your wife is depressed. Don't you think the country needs a President and a First Lady who aren't depressed, distracted or impaired by personal problems during a Civil War?
"Some people" would ask isn't this really callous ambition on your part to lead this country--when a critical issue such as slavery or freedom is at stake?

WHAT ABOUT THE AMBITIONS OF TV REPORTERS WITH POOR RATINGS?
Senator and Mrs. Edwards swallowed--and probably gulped--at some of the comments and questions. What did you say to your kids, who are 8 and 6 years old? Here you're staring at possible death... Why not just ask Mrs. Edwards if she picked out the casket? It sounded as though a hard-hitting political interview was hitting a woman when she was just knocked down. The Senator though said the questions were tough but fair, and Mrs. Edwards was gracious enough to phone Ms. Couric and thank her. The American public will decide Ms.Couric's fate in her new job with CBS by the ratings she gets on the evening news. The people had already made up their minds about Mrs. Edwards' decision to fight the good fight as soon as it was announced the cancer was back--the Senator's ratings went up.

I'M NOT LEFT, I'M JUST RIGHT
For the record, I was never a backer of Senator Edwards, nor a particular fan of his wife's for that matter. But I feel I am justified in being in favor of a candidate or any man or woman's right to keep on getting on with whatever their goal may be until they are truly unable to do so. I can also understand how voters would think Senator Edwards would be steady in a crisis. This was Senator Edwards own personal "9/ll." The man looked like a hero to me and more important to the voters who expressed their satisfaction in the polls. But there's a referendum to his race. Do he and his wife have the right to live as they see fit although his wife is physically ill? So far the answer seems to be a resounding yes.

FULL DISCLOSURE
I admired The Senator and his wife's willingness to make their personal life an open book. I also look up to Katie Couric for handling her own husband's colon cancer by helping others. The fact that Katie (it feels natural to call her Katie when you fondly remember her dressing up as Marilyn Monroe and other entertaining antics on the The Today Show ) worked at a demanding career on morning television through her own husband's fatal illness is something to be applauded. Likewise, Katie having an on-air colonopscopy and honoring her husband with the renown Jay Monahan Center, the medical center named after her husband, is a memorial to him and a gift to all. The center is scientifically advanced, extremely well-staffed professionally, very pleasant and patient-friendly and, most significant, is helping save lives. I just happened to have a test at the center (a capsule endoscopy )around the time of the interview with Mrs. Edwards. I was extremely impressed by the center and the personnel. It is an outstanding medical facility and the atmosphere and the staff iare excellent. Always one of her admirers, I have even a greater respect for Katie Couric. There's a sign on the TV screen-filled walls in the center that says how her husband Jay felt family and friends were such an important part of life. I suspected that's how Katie and Jay felt as they both courageously dealt with his all too early death, leaving a loving wife and two small daughters behind. So, I don't for a nanosecond think Katie Couric wanted to hurt Mrs. Edwards. To the contrary, I would bet, on a personal level, Katie's heart went out to the Edwards family--even though Katie was vilified for the interview. Perhaps Katie was 1-projecting the way she and her husband had felt as the result of his fight against colon cancer and 2-maybe the new CBS anchor was trying to ask the tough questions. After all, just as a beautiful blond has to fight the unfair old dumb blond stigma, Katie has to prove wrong that perkiness and cuteness doen't mean "air head and fluff" and that she can't hold her own covering hard news. So, I should go on the record by saying I loved watching Katie faithfully for years on The Today Show and I tune in regularly now on the CBS evening news. I'm rooting for her! Maybe if others would give a woman a fair chance, Katie wouldn't have conducted this hard-hitting interview with a sledge hammer.
.

AM I BIASED?
Then, there is my own bias. Having invaded these other people's personal lives, I reluctantly feel I have to reveal my own. I admit if you judge one ill person's right to live and work as she pleases, then you threaten me. I was diagnosed with a muscle disorder when I was in my '20's. The prognosis was I would be paralyzed in six months. I was living in New York City. Some people said: Why don't you go home with your parents and live, as it would be so much easier? I tried it. Home was a little farm town where there was nothing to do but watch the sun rise and set and then stare at the moon and stars until you hunkered down for the night. Nature is beautiful, but I get bored by anything that doesn't talk.(Luckily, the moon didn't although there were nights I was so lonely I wished it would.) I longed for the bright lights and big city. Also, I wasn't about to pack up my plans for my life and go home with my parents--regardless of how loving and caring they were-- and wait for the paralysis to hit. I fought with all my might to move back to New York, the city of outstanding medical facilities, career and social opportunities, and an overpriced cost of living. I began a business working from my apartment, met and married my soul mate, started a wonderful family (two precious daughters), sat down (because I couldn't physically stand very long) and wrote my first article and sold it to The New York Times. I went on to write more articles for Harper's Magazine and other publications. Then, long story short, I wrote a book, went on talk shows to promote it and became a talk show host...and here I am. Yes, I'm limited, but the only part that got paralyzed was my forehead, which now looks as though I started botox in my early '20's.(Naturally, I would have opted for wrinkles.) I learned one lesson though--do or die, at least on the inside. LISTENERS, AND READERS, DON'T EVER LET ANYONE HOLD YOU DOWN!!! Rise to the occasion in the way you choose. You, and only you, get that vote! Don't let anyone try to influence you and take away your right to live the rest of your life--however long or short it may be--YOUR WAY.

TOP PARENTING SECRET: FOR OLDER OR YOUNGER MOMS

2007-04-02T14:32:00.001-04:00

My grandmother was born on April 1st. She knew one of the best secrets of parenting--and that's no joke or easy task. I called her Nanny. My Dad was in the Navy--off at sea--and my Mom was holding down the fort by working (out of the home). We both lived with her parents--and her mother, Nanny, helped bring me up--5 days at least a week. She was old, couldn't play catch, swim , ride a bike and didn't read to me. So how was she one of the most wonderful, nurturing second moms ever. I think of that often, but especially around her birthday. Here's the secret: she loved being with me, she lived for it and I could sense it every moment--she didn't have to tell me. We did what she could do. We watched family friendly talk shows that made you feel all cozy, curled up in the living room. I helped her peel potatoes for dinner, iron shirts and clean house, and she taught me how to shop. We'd only go to dime stores back then, and buy cheap little items. But we savored every moment. I can't even recall one thing we bought, just the fun of doing it, like two conspirators. She had to drive a special truck long before the SUV invasion because she had liver problems and her stomach protruded out as if she were pregnant. I watched her be carried off in an ambulance once when she had a heart attack. Sure, I was scared. But what she felt in her heart for me was more important.

I love my children just as much. But I'm trying to balance a career, am on committees, and am sometimes doing several things at once when they are home. If Nanny did something, I did it with her more often than not. As for all the activities she couldn't do with me, well, I did them alone or went with a friend or younger relative. After ice skating, I knew Nanny would be waiting with hot cocoa and we'd watch a show like Merv Griffin together. She was always there and always happy to be... When she passed on I was 19. She had six children and lots of grandchildren. But she left everything she owned to me. No one expected anything else. Her life revolved around me. Those days may be gone, those family-friendly shows may be history, for the most part-- and the times have changed. Women are free to carve out careers--and that is great. But we can all remember this lesson. Show your child at any age you just adore being with them. Women are having children through infertility advances at an older age. Grandmothers are forced to step in and raise their grandchildren. Guess what? I was brought up by an older woman who didn't have the physical energy to keep up with me. That didn't matter. What counted is that look of pure contentment and joy that she seemed to feel every moment.

How did I know I came first in her life? Well, there was the time I cut all the shades with scissors in the special window-lined room where she kept her plants to make the shades even again, after I had made then uneven by playing with them, pulling them up and down (which was a no-no). Then, there was the afternoon I scribbled on the walls with crayons. And I didn't even have artistic talent. I don't remember ever being grounded, getting time-outs or any modern discipline, just gentle, loving reprimands not to do it again. And I didn't. Who would want to lose that love? If anybody hit me, she would throw them out faster than week-old fish. Once a friend of hers was over for lunch and I spilled my milk. The friend slapped my hand. My grandmother threw her old friend out on the road--and we lived out in the woods where taxis and buses didn't come. I don't know what happened to that woman. I do know what happened to me. I tucked that memory away with all the others that showed me I came first. When my Grandmother couldn't walk to the bleachers on the field where the ceremony was held to see me graduate from high school, I couldn't imagine how any one could be so limited. But even though she wasn't there physically, I could see her face beaming in the audience because her presence was always there--and still is...

REAL TALK: WHAT HILLARY, OBAMA...ARE TRULY SAYING

2007-03-16T08:43:00.000-04:00

"CLINTON, OBAMA SCRAMBLE TO FIX WAFFLE ON GAYS"
That's the headline from New York's liberal tabloid The Daily News
that greeted me this morning. Clinton and Obama had been asked if they thought homosexuality is immoral after General Peter Pace, the Joint Chiefs of Staff, reportedly called homosexuality "immoral."

CLINTON SAID: "I am going to leave that to others to conclude."

REAL TALK TRANSLATION: "I can't alienate the pro-gays, but I hate losing any group, even those anti-gays. I need the votes, folks. Bill, what would you do? Damn it, Bill, you at least got elected, what would you say."

OBAMA: No quote. (He refused to answer the same question.)

REAL TALK TRANSLATION: Don't Ask Because I'm Not Telling. I'll just stall because I don't know how I should put this. I can't afford to be called a bigot. Me--of all people?

WHAT THEY SAID AFTER THE FALLOUT:

CLINTON: "I've heard from a number of my friends. I've certainly clarified with them any misunderstanding that anyone had, because I disagree with General Pace completely. I do not think homosexuality is immoral."

REAL TALK TRANSLATION: The Gays have been all over me like a wet tee shirt on this one. I'm trying to be a centralist, but... Anyway, I have nothing to fear here. Rudy lived with a gay. I'm coming out totally pro Gay, even if it doesn't play in Iowa. Thank God those rumors about me being Gay are not surfacing again. Maybe I better arrange a photo op being a little cozy with Bill. I can't let them think we're like Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt. After all, Franklin had, well, a lady friend and Eleanor told me she did too. Not that there's anything wrong with that--if they weren't in politics, which doesn't give you any privacy. "Oh, Eleanor, you can't imagine what the press is like today. I'll talk to you later about this. I have to rush out to a fundraiser."

OBAMA: "I do not agree with General Pace that homosexuality is immoral.
Attempts to divide people like this have consumed too much of our politics the past six years."

REAL TALK TRANSLATION: I'm not going to alienate the gays, by not standing up for them straight out. I'm not going to waffle on this one bit. Let's keep the heat on Bush and his bunch--and that war. Plus, the press is harping about me being a Muslim again. Just because I lived in Jakarta for four years when I was a kid and went to a Muslim School and Indonesia's population is mostly Muslim, why would they say I attended a mosque and bowed to Allah as a child? If I had a sense of humor about this, I'd swear to Allah it wasn't true. But this is no laughing matter. I just have to make my people play hardball with the L.A. Times about that story that ran about me and this Muslim stuff. Yep, they have to come down hard--that poll showed six% of voters think I'm Muslim! I'm moving up in the polls against Hillary, but I need every % point I can get. Maybe we could use some photo ops in churches. Fox News--I can see why they went after me on this Muslim thing--but if you can't trust Hollywood, who can you trust?

SHOULD I GET A SONOGRAM--OR JUST A MAMMOGRAM?

2007-03-15T22:03:00.000-04:00

Dear Dary,

Thanks for the mug. We're watching your web site to see when the offer is on again because my sister wants one too. I was concerned though because once before after a mammogram the Doctor said to get a sonogram too. This time they skipped it. What should I do? Kathy

Dear Kathy,
Ask your doctor why the sonogram was not done this time. Keep in mind, a sonogram is usually given when something suspicious is spotted on the mammogram, you're high-risk, or if you have dense breast tissue. That said, I once insisted upon a sonogram--and found I needed a biopsy! I actually had to argue with the doctor to give me a sonogram because I had one when I lived in New York City before moving to New Jersey. I was telling another mother in my town, and she said she had to argue with the same doctor to get a sonogram too. When Suzanne Sommers was on our show, she said she was finished with her mammogram and her doctor said he just got new equipment in and wanted to give her a sonogram. Voila, her breast cancer was detected. It's your body, those are your breasts--not the doctor's. (I'm sure that statement will make me a hit with some doctors.) But if you feel you need a sonogram and your doctor doesn't, I personally would get another opinion. I figure what do I have to lose. I know what I have to lose if a diagnosis is missed!

TRANSGENDER DRAMA: ZARF/ZOE AND THE WOMAN SHE LOVES ON THE TV SHOW, "ALL MY CHILDREN"

2007-03-11T03:55:00.000-04:00

How delicious--if anybody were going to change genders on a TV show, why not add a touch of cool and make the character a Tried and True American Idol--a world-famous rock star? After all-I scream, you scream, we all scream for rock stars! Does it really matter if they're male or female? Would we love Bono any less if he were Gwen Stefani? Can rock stars do anything wrong when they're the bad boys and girls (ala Mick Jagger and Madonna) of our celeb-obsessed culture anyway? After all, we love to love them even when they push the boundaries and our buttons. But back to the sex switch story line on "All My Children," a soap dedicated to making everyone from the mentally challenged to AIDS victims to people with disorders I can't even pronounce feel like our friends. Mixed married couples, lesbians... This show makes us accept all God's children before society does. Still, I, who like to think I'm enlightened, have a hard time feeling natural about a sex change operation. It feels, well, weird. Now, what would make those shots of estrogen go down? "A spoonful of sugar." And who's the sweetest girl you know in Pine Valley, the fictional Pennsylvania town where "All My Children" takes place? Bianca, of course. Sweet, supportive Bianca. Ah, but the gender bender plot thickens. Bianca, as all addicted fans know, is the lesbian you can't help but love. She killed any criticism of her sexual orientation with kindness and fairness toward all.

So, girl meets boy. That is, Bianca meets Zarf. Oops, Make that a highly likable lesbian, meets a boy, Zarf. But the boy (Zarf), it turns out, has a sweet inner girl (Zoe) who's been trying to come out since Zarf/Zoe can remember. And Zoe is not just a female wannabe--she's a lesbian wannabe, to boot. Talk about coming out. So, really a sweet lesbian girl has met a sweet lesbian wannabe waiting to get up the guts to have a sex change operation. Now, who's going to switch the dial on that? Middle America. Nah, when fans are hooked on a long-running soap, the ratings don't slip. Besides, this story line juices it up-- it's a first in daytime TV, for sure. And anything can happen there--people come back from the dead. Will, Bianca and Zoe be a couple? You can bet your VCR on it. Will we stay tuned to watch? You can bet your plasma TV on that. Will they be sympathetic characters--as a couple? Will they be accepted? Well, that's why they call these shows soaps--the ratings don't fall even when some viewers are foaming at the mouth because the story line is pushed to the edge...Stay tuned, as they say, even though they don't have to...

A PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN FOR THE HISTORY BOOKS

2007-03-06T21:44:00.000-05:00

What a Presidential campaign--it's enough to make you want to turn on the news. Who would have dreamed it?

OBAMA - An African-American candidate

HILLARY - A Female Candidate

RUDY - An Italian-American Candidate

MCCAIN - A Senior Citizen and War Hero (which should NEVER be forgotten)

GORE - The Man Who Would Have Been President If It Weren't for "Dimples.and Hanging Chads."

QUESTION: Which candidate do voters say they would not vote for because of these distinctions?

The Senior Citizen: About two thirds of those polled said they would not vote for someone seventy or older. Yes, even in these post-Reagan days. Of course, Senator John McCain has had some health problems. There's chronological and biological age. A candidate who has had a serious ailment does not naturally fare as well as a contender who appears he could easily go the distance.

Now, for the 64 million dollar question (forget the thousands--that's a throw back to the good old days):

WHO WILL WIN THE WHITE HOUSE?

A quick, preliminary take:

OBAMA: Chances are super strong--if Oprah signs on as the vice-presidential candidate. Actually,Obama has great appeal to whites and blacks. He transcends color. Still, I fear racial prejudice is alive and sick in our country. I'm delighted bigotry is history--for my children's generation. (My daughters are 12 and 14 and skin color to them is like eye or hair color--just a physical description.) As for those of voting age, well, the good news is only less than 10% of people in one poll said they wouldn't vote for an African-American. Still, I can't help but remember when I bought my house on an integrated street. A friend in real estate said, "Dary, you'll never get your money back because of the neighborhood," pointing to the mixed race houses. "People who can afford the house you're going to buy, want to live on a street that says I made it, ahem, not one like this..." I bought the house anyway. But, my realtor friend was right. The value of our home didn't skyrocket as much as those in the all-Caucasian neighborhoods. So, I can't help but think that those people who wouldn't live near people of African-American descent might be hesitant about them ruling the roost.. Thus,I suspect that in the poll that counts, the one in the voting booth, old time racism may surface. Obama has the WOW factor in spades!!! Wow, did you see him speak in Selma?! (And yet it was Hillary who surged in a poll taken of Alabama Democrats afterwards. Go figure.) Still,I'm afraid Obama, who is being called short on experience ala Jimmy Carter, is also still up against an unspoken race factor at least in pockets of the country.

HILLARY: She'll have her best shot if the country is economically hurting in a big way AND voters think Bill will bring back richer times. As for the baggage, if the race comes down to Runaround Rudy against Put Upon Hillary, who seem to be the front runners, which camp can afford to cast stones--or even pebbles?
.
RUDY: Rudy, Rudy, Rudy. Italian-Americans (and that's me) pride ourselves on being strong on family--and I'm not talking the Soprano kind. Rudy, you drop your second wife (Donna Hanover) publicly before you tell her privately. That's like breaking up by voice mail or leaving a girl a good bye note on a post-it. What in the world were you thinking? You don't go to your own kid's graduation. You give up your children for a woman--your third wife--even though word has it you can have them both even if not at the same time. When your son, who stood visibly at your side when you first became Mayor, told the world you've been estranged from him, and you had a chance to respond, you defended Judi. The newspaper headline was Rudy says, "Don't judge Judi." Couldn't you have thrown your kids a bone? Something along the lines of "I love my children very much. I'm extremely proud of them. I look forward to the day when we will be closer, as I'm sure a lot of divorced dads do..." instead of just launching into your Judi is a perfect stepmother statement. Then, you could have made a plea for privacy so you could all come together... Does this failure as a father mean you won't get elected? A woman who messed up with her children would be another story. But the fact is you came off as a hero when we were attacked on 9/11. OK, you smooch Judi in public instead of babies and appear to value the ones you fathered less than you did your mistress-turned wife; you dressed in drag for a gag; you're not anti-gay and as I say in my blog (A Kiss that Could Kill a Campaign), you're "guilty" of other similar liberal high crimes and misdemeanors in the eyes of the right wing. But people value their own children's lives more than they care about the effect you had on your offspring. If voters are afraid of terrorism and your image at Ground Zero makes them feel safer, you're in. Rudy, they don't mind the reputation for ruthlessness, as long as it's unleashed on would-be terrorists. If, Heaven forbid, there should be another attack on our soil, and particularly if some of that soil happens to be in the south and mid-west and those folks see their neighbors and family members die as we did in the New York area, tell Judi to start redecorating the White House. Why not make sure there are teen friendly rooms for the kids to visit--and that they want to...? Then, you'd really be a winner.

AL GORE: Do you say vice-president to a guy that got the vote. The crowd has warmed to you, but The Inconvenient Truth is, I think you'll be the anointed torch bearer for Global Warming.

MCCAIN: Dear John, Oh, how I hate to write this to a former POW. You are a hero--but of a different era. The Vietnam War is over. The Iraq War rages on...as does the other one--The War of Terrorism. And Rudy has put his face on as the hero to that one, which really strikes home.

ROSIE RANTS ON VIEW, "YOU'RE VERY WRONG," BUT ROSIE IS REALLY " MALEDUCATED" ABOUT THIS...

2007-03-02T20:47:00.000-05:00

Rosie raises ratings. Love her or hate her or anything in between, the bottom line is when she talks, people listen. When she rants, people talk about her and listen in even greater numbers. And ratings rule! The show is called "The View." But when "co-host" Elizabeth gave hers recently, Rosie raged, "You're very young and very wrong." So, what's my beef? Rosie is not very young, but she is very wrong about something critical that could hurt our youngsters: Food. Nutrition. Health. Kids lives. Was Rosie taken to a Twinkies factory and brainwashed? She actually brags she can't remember when she ate a vegetable! Is this mother for real? Yeah, I like chocolate too--as in I like to breathe, as they say. But I'm a parent. I want my kids to grow up and be healthy. I'm not saying Rosie doesn't. But not only is she a junk food junkie (which is her biz, it's her bod), but she comes off like a junk food pusher. Is that in any way remotely intelligent, informed or responsible? If she chooses to eat as if she's filling a garbage pail, that's her call. But that garbage that comes from her mouth about food is called ignorance. Spit that out, Elizabeth, and let Rosie chew on that for a change. She talks about how she was inspired by Merv Griffin and wanted to have the kind of talk show your kids can curl up and watch with you. But what she says at times, can be poison to a "cutiepadudie's" ears. Kids don't need to hear adults diss veggies because like our bodies need the nutrients. Duh. After all, this may be the first generation of children who don't live as long as their parents because of childhood obesity. Also, our addiction to junk food goes in the let's-take-this-serious-box next to booze and drugs. ODing on junk food is doing us in. Rosie, you're in need of an intervention--and a spoon fed education in nutrition. There's more than one way to kill yourself. Drugs. Guns. That's two. And eating yourself to death with sugar laced with chemicals is another. Elizabeth is spouting off political opinion. Whether you agree or not, that's called freedom of speech. Acting like it's cute to not eat a vegetable and pig out on junk food is called "maleducation." Okay, Rosie, maybe you'll never be the type who wakes up and smells the green tea--but you don't have to drown us in a slurpie.

When to Have an MRI So You Don't MISS A Breast Tumor

2007-03-02T08:35:00.000-05:00

TAKING THE MYSTERY OUT OF A MRI
In Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI), a large magnet, radio waves, and a computer produce a cross-sectional picture of the breast. To the lay woman that sounds like medical gobblygoop. So, let's get to the bottom line:
SHOULD YOU HAVE AN MRI?
You should talk to your doctor about having a MRI if you have a high genetic risk for breast cancer. Screening trials have demonstrated a MRI is more sensitive than mammography for finding breast tumors in women with a high genetic breast cancer risk, meaning those who test positive for the BRCA genes. If you have a family history of breast cancer, then speak to your doctor and a genetic counselor about BRCA genetic testing.
SHOULD YOU GO THE "EXTRA MILE" IF YOU'RE NOT HIGH RISK?
Doctors generally don't recommend a MRI for routine screening because it has a high rate of false-positive results, which can lead to unnecessary biopsies and worrying. Also, an MRI is expensive, isn't readily available, and requires a radiology expert who can accurately interpret the findings.
A PERSONAL FOOTNOTE
CA125 tests, which are used to detect ovarian cancer, also have a high rate of false-positive results. I am very far from being a hypochondriac. If anything, I am guilty of carelessly brushing symptoms aside. But I once, out of some gut instinct, asked my gynocologist for a CA125. He said I didn't need it because it gives too many false positive results. So, I shrugged it off. Fast forward, about a year later I am back in the doctor's office and he not only draws blood for a CA125, he rushes me off for a vaginal ultrasound. Then, it was straight to the O.R. to remove a large ovarian tumor. A CA125 blood test where the levels are under 35 KU/mi is considered normal. I hit the roof at 2000. When my ovary came out,the surgeon said, "your tumor looks ugly." I said, "Hey, don't call my tumor ugly." He said, "No, I mean it looks malignant." The biopsy came back benign--but the CA125 wouldn't budge. We waited in wonder and worry for months. They didn't seem to know what to make of it. I know that I wish I had made my doctor take a CA125 the year before. After all, the test was on me. So, I'm not personally one to care so much about false positives, as being positive. But that's a personal idiosycracy. That decision's up to you and your doctor.
WHAT I AM SURE ABOUT
If you're high risk,. you have to set your detection standards accordingly. Talk with your doctor about BRCA testing and an MRI if you have a strong family history for sure. Know the facts--but check your gut too. It's close to your breast.

BRITNEY SPEARS: REACH OUT BUT DON'T TOUCH HER

2007-02-26T18:49:00.000-05:00

Britney's bizarre behavior has been analyzed by so many shrinks from L.A. to New York that what more can be said or should be put out there to be read? So, I'll spare you the full pop (star) psyche treatment. But as Britney sat, after shaving her head, while getting tattooed, she reportedly "launched into a rant about people touching her...She was tired of people touching her..." Those words rang a bell. One of my closest friends, a devoted new mom, coping with breast feeding and the constant care of a new baby's needs, admitted to me with guilt in her voice, she felt as though she were being grabbed, she didn't want to be touched. Then, there was my stoic Dad, when he was old and very ill and undergoing medical treatment and in great discomfort, finally reaching a point where he didn't want the nurses and doctors poking and touching him.

So, what does this have to do with Britney the bare headed? It seems almost sacra- religious to mention Britney, with her outrageously over indulged, over privileged life style, in the same breath with members of "The Greatest Generation," such as my old Navy man father, who suffered deprivation and personal sacrifice during the The Great Depression and fighting Hitler in World War II for the good of the country. But the point is new mothers and people suffering, under any circumstances, utter the words "I don't want to be touched." Britney didn't appear to be thinking of her new babies, as she drank and vomited her way around town. On the other hand, my friend, a devoted, but sleep-deprived parent, just wanted the relief of a baby sitter a few hours a day. But the underlying feeling could be similar. Also, true, Britney is not old and dying. But she is clearly wounded. Whether she's young and coming close to a greater tragedy is something to be at least thought about in light of Anna Nicole's all-too-young demise. Do stars and their keepers really think celebrities are protected by the adulation and their alter-celluloid images? Likewise, true, when Britney complained about being touched, she was obstensibly talking about hair extensions and all that goes with it to keep herself the blond, sexy singer she had been since she was just a youngster. But she clearly wanted to be away from her handlers. (She demonstrated this when she did that disastrous gum-chewing TV interview too.) Britney may not want to be touched, but she needs those who love her to reach out and give her health as much care as they did in building her childhood career. There's much talk about calling in child services to protect Britney's brood. When I see Lindsay, Britney et al in and out of rehab, I some time think child protection services should be called when parents are letting and abetting their kids as they become child stars to make sure early fame doesn't end in going down in flames.

Should You Get a Digital Mammogram?

2007-02-24T16:26:00.000-05:00

Dear Dary,

I am 58. My daughter is talking about digital mammograms. I can't keep up with all this stuff. Should I get a digital mammogram?

Thanks,

Anna from Brooklyn

Dear Anna,

Only your doctor knows for sure. But judging from your age, I am assuming you've been through menopause, which generally occurs at about 50. Digital mammography, compared to regular mammography, seem to be better at finding cancers in women with dense breast tissue, which is common in younger women. You don't mention the age of your daughter, but this may be why your daughter has been talking about digital mammograms. Research has not shown at this point that digital mammography offers any advantage over regular mammography for postmenopausal women.
It's good you paused and reflected on this though. Double check with your doctor--and have your daughter ask her physician about her needs. It is hard to keep up with these developments, but it's worth it because as the saying goes, you are!

Good Luck!

Dary

A NEW WEAPON IN THE BATTLE AGAINST BREAST CANCER

2007-02-18T04:34:00.000-05:00

MammaPrint--imprint the word in your mind. MammaPrint, MammaPrint, MammaPrint. If you have breast cancer--and Heaven forbid, we pray you don't--MammaPrint is a new genetic test that can predict whether a woman will have a recurrence within 5 or 10 years. It analyzes some 70 genes of biopsied tissue of the tumor. Is it perfect? No. MammaPrint is a better predictor of who won't have a recurrence. It has a 95% accuracy rate when it comes back with a low-risk prognosis. On the other hand, so to speak, if the test results in a high-risk warning that there will be a recurrence in the next decade, you can take some ever so slight solace in knowing that a MammaPrint is only about 25% accurate. No, a MammaPrint is not perfect, but it's another weapon your doctor can use in the battle against the perfectly dreadful breast cancer that we're all gunning for! Here's to no recurrence--and much, much better yet no occurrence of breast cancer at all! Bring on the research! In the meantime, let's arm ourselves with all the ammo (info) we can.

A KISS THAT COULD KILL A CAMPAIGN? POLITICS MAKES REALLY STRANGE BEDFELLOWS

2007-02-10T22:39:00.000-05:00

WHEN IS A KISS NOT JUST A KISS?
Who doesn't like a kiss from their husband? (After he's brushed his teeth.) How about in public? Well, whatever your answer is it probably won't effect his Presidential campaign. Ah, but The Post, one of New York's tabloid daily papers showed a lip lock between Rudy (America's Mayor) and wife Judi on the cover that conjured up an image of lusty lovers.
INFIDELITY ANYONE?
Could any old pol be this passionate about his wife? Yeah, if she's the latest in a line of lovers. Don't take this wrong. I think Guiliani makes New Yorkers--and maybe Americans--feel safe in the age of terrorism. Still, who can forget while in office he cheated on his wife, the former First Lady of New York, actress/broadcaster Donna Hanover. She found out it was over between Rudy and her in an embarrassingly public way. Also, there were a lot of leaks of Rudy having another "girlfriend" who worked for him while Mayor under Donna's nose--and then him moving on to an affair with Judi which culminated in Judi taking Donna's place permanently. Of course, Rudy having prostate cancer and Judi being a nurse threw some sympathy his way. This all may be long forgotten in the wake of 9/11 and never even noticed by those outside New York. But the right-wing Post upset with Rudy's "liberalism" (he's not against gays and he's guilty of other such "high crimes and misdemeanors" ) are against him grabbing the Republican nomination. So, big front page close-ups of Rudy and Judi swapping love-laced saliva gets some women salivating. "Oh, His Cheating Heart" comes to mind rather than "Hail to the Chief."
RUN AROUND RUDY OR WALKED OVER HILLARY?
Ah, look who his opponent is though. The stoic "I'm not Standing By My Man," I'm Standing By a President--duh--Senator Hillary Rodham (oops, drop that name) Clinton. She was cheated on, lied to as she worked side by side President Clinton. When it comes to infidelity, he may be the undefeated heavy weight champ.
GOING HEAD TO HEAD?
So, sex is all around us in this campaign if it's Hill vs. Rudy (and a recent poll showed them the front runners). Thus, who's going to bring up being unfaithful--Hillary the Hurt One or Rudy the Runaround. Well, Hill already tried to deflect the issue by saying she knew how to handle an evil, bad man--chuckle, chuckle, chuckle. I think Rudy and Judi better get a room though. We're not electing best smoocher. Rudy's alleged philandering might be mentioned in the campaign. Might? But why provide the tabloids photo ops? Remember Tom Cruise jumping on the couch. Ain't love demonstrated for the public grand? Rudy, let me give you a little free advice, as a fellow Italian-American. If we wanted to elect a Latin Lover, we'd choose someone with the looks of say an Antonio Banderas, not Howie Mandel.
A FOOTSIE NOTE ON THIS ELECTION
This election may answer the question of whether the public can best handle a candidate who's played around or a female contender who took philandering pretty much lying down? But that's a footsie note, now. We've been attacked on our own soil! Americans really want answers to The Big Bad War In Iraq, the horror of Katrina, immigration, Global Warming, health care, Bin-Laden...and keeping America safe! "Staying Alive, Staying Alive" is an apt campaign song. Now, that gives you plenty of photo ops, Rudy. Get with the program. Judi can wait until you come home for you to plant a big one on her.
WHY THE PDA?
This raises the question of why the campaigning couple can't wait until they have some privacy and really play kissy face? Rudy's prostate popped to my mind. Impotency problems are often associated with the aftermath of prostate cancer. Could it be subconsciously Judi and/or Rudy are showing a kiss is not just a kiss in this case. Rather it is suggesting Rudy is as virile as Kennedy and Clinton, as randy as Johnson or as loving as Nancy and Ronnie?
THERE'S NO BUSINESS LIKE YOUR BUSINESS
Well, be that it as it may. Rudy, if anyone inquires about your health record, you can just release it. What they are questioning is your front cover page over-the-top PDA. Don't blame it on the paparazzi and go after them with the RICO act. Unless that kiss took place behind closed doors, you did everything but say cheese. Not everybody wants you President, Rudy. So, why is a wise guy (oops, make that smart guy like you--we have to be careful now) playing in to enemy hands? All rise.

HAVE A LAUGH AND LAST LONGER!

2007-02-09T13:42:00.000-05:00

Stress is no laughing matter. But laughter is a stress buster. And your heart will love you for keeping stress away. So, give yourself this gift for Valentine's Day. Heart disease is The Number One Killer of Women--even though breast cancer is Women's Number One Health Fear. Since this is National Heart Disease Month, we're giving this "Tip of the Day": from noted cardiologist, Dr. Stephen Sinatra. Let's start with a quiz.
LAUGH!!
How many times a day do you think children laugh?

a- 15
b- 75
c-150
d-300
e-400

How many times a day does an adult laugh?

a- 15
b- 75
c-150
d-300
e-400

Answer: Children laugh 400 times a day. Adults, 15. How sad. We lose 385 laughs a day, which would help keep the doctor away.

Dr. Sinatra's "Heart, Health and Nutrition" newsletter reports that in a study with cardiac patients that lasted over a year those who watched a comedy show on a daily basis had significantly lower stress hormone levels and blood pressure readings, and they needed less medication. Dr. Sinatra, who's been on our show and is very much in the know, recommends you raise your rate of laughter by watching comedy videos or playing with your grandchildren. I delight in watching my 14-year-old and 12-year-old girls giggle over seemingly "nothing," and I remember how I did the same with my cousins. Now, though, while my kids are cracking up I'm adding up how many veggies they ate that day, how many hours sleep they got and everything else in the good Moherhood Manual says that I'm supposed to monitor on my watch. So, I'm off now to forget my duties and indulge myself in the TV sit com "Everybody Loves Raymond," then maybe "Friends," and "Desperate Housewives." Tune in to what ever turns on your laugh track. And then keep going back for more. I know it's easier said than done at times. I recently had to go to the emergency room for transfusions--as my esophagitis had caused internal bleeding and severe anemia. The worse part was in the bed next to me was an older gray-haired very sick woman moaning... It was my first time back to this hospital, where my mother, with her short gray hair, lay dying...not too long ago. I asked the nurse if the TV would bother the lady. "No, she's heavily medicated. She can't hear a thing." I closed the curtain and as the blood dripped in my vein, I tuned into an "Everybody Loves Raymond" marathon. I thought of how Mom and Dad (who passed away six months after Mom) watched rerun and rerun of this show. Plus, Mom loved "Friends." My parents had known laughter and love are the best medicine. I miss my parents, but am grateful they taught me how to get through life. I remembered when Mom had gone for radiation for lung cancer when she was 80 and the nurse had asked her the reason for the visit. "I came for a pregnancy test," my Mom answered. I thought of this as I found myself cracking jokes with the nurses. My friend said,"You can always laugh. That's great." I was lucky my mother and father had showed me how to laugh in the best--and worst of times--because the worst times then become better.

BREAST TIP: GETTING A MAMMOGRAM--WHEN THE SQUEEZE IS ON

2007-01-31T19:08:00.000-05:00

If you check out my post "My Left Breast," you will see someone asked under comments: When do we start getting a mammogram?

Life not only begins at forty, as the saying goes. But keep in mind, generally speaking, so does getting a screening mammogram. That's when you should start going to the mammography center every year or two. This is just a guideline though. The squeeze was on much earlier for me, and I needed a mammo every six months. When you've been around a half of century--that is, when you hit the big 5-0, then it's definitely time to go annually and don't forget your manual home self-examinations at any age. At 50, if you've been going once every two years for a mammogram, you usually are advised to double your, well, trouble. Do the good-for-yourself deed around your birthday. Breast Awareness Month is great--but that's a lot of breasts to squeeze in one month. Also, please consult your doctor--other factors such as family history may come into play. Plus, a mammogram may not be enough. So, please, while my heart and prayers go out to those whose tumors were missed with just a mammogram, check with your doctor about an MRI, sonogram or other tests. When it comes to detection, don't settle for less than the best! But while being cautious is a must, do take heart in knowing that it's estimated a mammogram detects about 90% of cancerous tumors. Would Jimmy the Greek give you better odds? So, get a mammogram!!! And be a nag to friends and loved ones. Just keep saying, "Get a mammogram, get a mammogram..." until they do. What's a girlfriend for? To help keep their buds healthy!

MAMMOGRAPHY MUG CRISIS: (AND THAT'S JUST THE TIP OF THE PROBLEM)

2007-01-30T23:42:00.000-05:00

Dear Friends.

I'm so sorry we had to temporarily stop our a mug for a mammogram giveaway!!!!
Fist time ever...after years of making this offer we couldn't keep up with the mammoth number of requests for mugs for mammograms. We loved hearing from you, and I'll get back to your notes one by one. It seems we were suddenly picked up by "get free stuff" sites on the net. We're glad to meet you no matter how you reach us. But we did get a number of requests from men who drove a lot who would ask for multiple mugs for lists of women they knew, etc. (Men canget breast cancer, but that's another topic.) When we first started our "get a mug for a mammogram" offer for women years ago, we didn't want to invade your privacy by asking for proof or for personal information. But when we found we were fresh out of mugs and signs were showing this could be the biggest giveaway ever--maybe to a lot of people who wouldn't have anything to get pressed in a mammogram center (if you get my drift), we realized we have to first get more mugs made up as well as a better system. We'd welcome any suggestions, input, and stories from YOU!

Please bear with us, as we get the mugs ready and sent out--and hopefully we can make this free offer again in the near future, which we'll post on our website. Meanwhile, your stories can help others--so keep them coming along along As well as any requests for information you need. One woman wrote how a mammogram didn't catch her lump. She needed an MRI.(Our prayers are with her.) Suzanne Sommers, who has been a frequent guest on our show, said her tumor wasn't detected by just a mammogram either. Her doctor had just gotten new equipment in and gave her a sonogram--which caught the cancer. Our show has access to the top doctors and breast experts, so we'll pick their brains and put those interviews on the internet so you can listen to them here. We will try to make you as prepared as you can be with regards to prevention, detection, treatment and a successful recovery for those of you wrote that is necessary. We'll get any mugs out as soon as we can, but we also want to get out any information out you can benefit from!!!

While we may not have a cup to hold on to now, most of you, thankfully, from your letters, still have your breasts. So, our cups, so to speak, runneth over for that. We want to help you hold on to those breasts--and to hold on to life--with mammograms, digital mammograms, readings by two radiologists (if possible and necessary), sonograms, MRIS, regular self-examinations, a healthy diet, exercise, prayer, positive, optimistic thoughts, a support system and somebody you can always share with (ok and sometimes vent to). Don't be scared if you didn't get all of the above tests and checks and balances. We just want you to be aware of them so you
know what to ask your physician. That's why we're here. There's going to be lots more to come.

Click on to the post on my blog "My Left Breast," which is about my last visit to the mammogram center, where they said they only had time to do one breast (wow, that made me feel too full figured for sure!) and the mammogram crisis in this country which if touching us all! In an upcoming post, I'm going to tell you about my super positive, life altering experience inspired by Dr. Bernie Siegel, a former oncology surgeon at Yale and author of "Love, Medicine and Miracles" and "Peace, Love and Healing," which can be ordered at hay house.com or anywhere books and tapes are sold. Also, I'm going to start soon giving Tips regularly on my blog on BREASTS!

Have you listened to any of our interviews? You can do so free on the internet--if we're not on a radio station near you. Check out our past guests. I'm a recovering techno phobe, but here's how you hear the show on the net. Log on to DaryDayShow.com. Our website will come up. Click on to "Affiliate Stations." This will take you to the list of stations where we can be heard. Hey, but what's the free internet for? You can listen to us at your convenience on the internet. Click on to talkone.com. and you'll find a page where you can click on and listen to our show. Try our tips--the safest colored car, the bathroom tip or the one on "interruptitis" (it has changed people--you'll see). Or listen to one of my favorite interviews-- with Lynn Redgave, Brooke Shields, Danny Aiello, Doris Roberts (Marie from the TV show "Everybody Loves Raymond," Christopher Kennedy Lawford (a real inside look at being a Kennedy), Maureen Dowd (New York Times Pulitzer Prize winning author of "Are Men Necesary?"), Jake Steinfeld (of Body by Jake fame--it's uplifting!), the author of " Wear Your Party Pants (it's a picker upper too and a hoot), Tom Brokaw, Chris Lemmon (author of "A Twist of Lemmon: A Tribute to My Father" (who was movie star Jack Lemmon, of course...and lots more. Anyway, let us know what you like... We believe in giving women what they want. Now, let's convert the rest of the world!
All my very best wishes! Dary

GO GOOGLE YOURSELF

2007-01-28T02:06:00.000-05:00

Have you ever googled yourself? Please do!!! I occasionally search for dary day or darydayshow.com when I have an important advertiser checking out my site or in this case when my child was going for a school interview the next day. I envisioned the director of admissions thinking: hmmn, what kind of writing does this woman do anyway? Checking google once before, I found they had in my father's obituary that he was in the Army instead of the Navy. That didn't make me feel like saluting the world wide web. But since my kid wasn't applying to Annapolis, this was only going to make my darling dad grumble--or maybe be glad he was--in heaven. But this time I was horrified that some celebrity gossip site had actually said I had posted a comment on their site calling Rosie and Trump terrible names, as they had done to each other. I WAS STUNNED--I WOULD NEVER USE THAT LANGUAGE OR SAY THOSE THINGS!!! INDEED, I HAD ALREADY POSTED A BLOG ON THE ROSIE/TRUMP FEUD ON DARYDAYSHOW.COM. YOU CAN CHECK IT OUT ON MY BLOG RIGHT NOW. I TOOK THE OPPOSITE POINT OF VIEW THAN EXPRESSED IN THIS BOGUS COMMENT. EVEN THOUGH I'M AN APPRENTICE WHEN IT COMES TO BLOGGING--AT LEAST WHAT IS ON MY BLOG IS WHAT I SAID. IN SHORT,I HAD WRITTEN DISAGREEING IS FINE--BUT MAKING FUN OF SOME ONE'S APPEARANCE, ESPECIALLY WITH UGLY NAME CALLING WAS NOT. WHAT WORRIED ME WAS: WHAT DO I TELL MY TEENS ABOUT TWO SUCCESSFUL (I.E., FAMOUS AND RICH) ROLE MODELS RESORTING TO BEHAVIOR THAT WOULD BE DENOUNCED AS BULLYING AND UNACCEPTABLE NAME CALLING ON A SCHOOL YARD. THESE TV STARS MAY WANT TO RAISE THEIR RATINGS, BUT I HAVE TWO BRING UP TWO TEEN GIRLS AND EXPLAIN THAT'S NOT HOW I WANT THEM TO ACT TO GET AHEAD. IN OUR TV-ORIENTED SOCIETY, OUR KIDS LOOK TO ROSIE AND TRUMP AS TO HOW TO GAIN FAME AND FORTUNE. THE QUEEN OF THE SMALL SCREEN AND DEAN OF WOMEN IN BROADCASTING, BARBARA WALTERS, THINKS ROSIE SHOULD BE THE LEAD HOST OF THE TOP TV SHOW THE VIEW, OR SHE WOULDN'T HAVE GIVEN O'DONNELL SUCH A PLUM POST. WOW, THAT'S SOME ANNOINTMENT! DONALD DECIDES ON THE APPRENTICE WITH THE WORLD WATCHING HOW AND WHO SHOULD GET AHEAD. NOW, THESE BIG SUCCESSFUL RICH STARS ARE ACTING IN A WAY WE TELL OUR YOUNGSTERS NOT TO! BUT WORSE, FOR ME, I LOATHE BULLYING, NAME-CALLING BEHAVIOR, THAT MAKES FUN OF PEOPLE'S LOOKS. YET, SOMEONE IS DOING THIS IN MY NAME!!!I DON'T KNOW WHO POSTED A COMMENT USING MY NAME AND URL NAME (WHCH THEY NEEDED TO POST THE COMMENT ON THE SITE.) NOR DO I UNDERSTAND WHY THEY DID IT. I WONDER IF THE SITE MADE THE COMMENT ITSELF USING MY NAME TO UP THE NUMBER OF THEIR COMMENTS--AND WORST MAKE THEM MORE PROVACATIVE,ALBEIT IT BOGUS. ALL I CAN SAY IS, OH WHAT A WEB OF LIES IS BEING WOVEN ON THE WWW!!! ONCE AGAIN, THE PROBLEM IS: HOW DO WE AS A SOCIETY USE AND NOT ABUSE TECHNOLOGY? HOW MANY OTHER LIES ARE OUT THERE? HOW DO WE GET THEM RETRACTED? IS THERE A LETTER TO THE EDITOR OF GOOGLE--OR WILL FABRICATIONS BE FOREVER IN CYBER SPACE? HOW DO WE STOP THE LYING DONE IN OUR NAME? WELL ONE THING YOU CAN BET ON IS THAT THERE ARE PROBLEMS ON THE NET. ACTUALLY, YOU REALLY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE WORLD THINKS YOU SAID UNLESS YOU GOOGLE YOURSELF FIRST. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I SAID, PLEASE DON'T JUST GOOGLE ME. LOG ON TO MY OWN SITE. SO FAR IT HASN'T BEEN INFILTRATED BY IMPERSONATORS! BUT IN THE MEANTIME, TO BEGIN TO PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR NAME, THE FIRST RULE OF THE GAME IS: GO GOOGLE YOURSELF!!!

BRANGELINA: WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO JENNIFER (JUST HER OWN NAME) ANISTON

2007-01-13T00:49:00.000-05:00

Jennifer Aniston was voted most popular movie star at the People's Choice Awards. She looked great cupping her award and, frankly, in her sexy frock with her cups running over, her long, lean legs gleaming and her signature hair swinging. Yet, Angelina or Bangelina had just done her in publicly again. Jenn had to be hurting from the last, totally unnecassary hit, from the woman who now plays house and Mommy with her ex-- and cat and mouse with the press.

This is not to take away from Angelina's good works. Hey, she might adopt half of Africa before she's done. She may have babies in third world countries galore and sell the kids photos for more than the budget of the next poor nations where she goes to great lengths to hide out.

Face it, divorce is no day at the beach--even if that's where Brad lowered the boom on Jenn, the wife lying in wait. Yes, give the parties their privacy. But why doesn't Angelina take it? Why when she has a movie, "The Good Shepherd" to promote does she have to do a bad thing to the wife of the husband she now has as her man not to mention a film role Jennifer intended to be her own.

Angelina complains in Vogue that the worst part of the last two years has been her loss of privacy. Why then does she have to say out of the other side of her pretty pouty-lipped mouth PUBLICLY she would welcome a real sit down and talk kind of meeting with Aniston?

Really. Was there no way she could have passed this information on to the ex-wife privately? Jennifer has a publicist, agent--and, oh, yes, Ange is bedding and boarding with Jenn's ex. Doesn't he have a way to help Angelina--the woman who can find her way around the globe--get in touch with Jenn, who hasn't exactly pulled a Greta Garbo. If Angelina wants her privacy, why does she have to share her desire for a heart to heart with the woman who's heart was broken with the PUBLIC. Cool, Ange, just what the ex-wife needs to move on. Look, you obviously put the moves on her husband or responded to his moves on you. Half of America splits. It's not a high crime and demeanor. But you don't have to offer to tell the ex-wife, why her husband chose you, about the attraction you couldn't resist in a magazine where you are promoting your latest flick. You could leave out the other chick. You donate so much to others. Maybe someone will donate you a sensitivity chip. Team Aniston vs. Team Angelina? Game called because of foul play. You have everything, Angelina, except some respect for the wife left behind. You say in the article that you don't trust anyone. Hmmn, wonder why? But trust me on this one. Try. Once again, now repeat after me. You really don't need to use The People's Choice Award Favorite Movie Star--Jennifer Aniston's-- name in an article to promote your movie "The Good Shepherd." Got it. Good girl.

MISS USA, ROSIE, TRUMP: WHAT DO WE TELL THE CHILDREN ABOUT THIS TIRADE

2006-12-22T01:05:00.001-05:00

Miss USA grabbed the headlines when Miss USA started standing for Miss Using (illegal) Substances and Alchohol. Everyone wondered: Would she hear "You're Fired?"? After all, her fate would be in the hands of the man famous for those words--Donald Trump of The Apprentice, because he owned the pageant. Decision day loomed with as much drama and promos as his hit TV show. His conference though was not televised, just his Big Decision. America waited to hear what Apprentice contestants feared. Ah, but the news soon blared Miss Using Substances and Alchohol was granted a reprieve, given another chance. Trump reasoned she was a good girl and rehab and repentance could save her from falling down and breaking her crown, so to speak. Grateful, through tear-choked words, she seemed to cry more than it rains in Seattle or at least the repeated TV replays made it seem that way). She promised she would be the Best Miss USA yet!
IS THIS SOME ONE YOUR TEEN SHOULD LOOK UP TO?
As a mother of a teen and tween, who wanted to enter the pageant as soon as she hit the magic age, after receiving an unsolicited letter from the famous Mr. Trump himself, this is what mattered to me most. Truthfully, I would have preferred a (green) tea total er. Whatever anyone says, an alleged drug-using, alcohol-abusing Miss USA isn't the role model mothers tell their girls to try to live up to. I wouldn't hire someone like that as a babysitter. Of course, the same can be said for Britney, Whitney, Paris and and Janet Jackson who showed my middle school football fan kids her naked breast. (My girls while watching blamed it partly on Justin who had pulled at Jackson's top, even though I felt I had to warn them the world would brand the girl. Wow, they said when Justin didn't get half the scorn. They wondered how I knew. I handed them the classic, The Scarlet Letter The message was clear: in sexy games that girls and guys play, girls really pay. Janet gained weight, Justin, Cameron Diaz and more fame. Monica got labeled fat, President Clinton, received huge fees for giving speeches. I remember Bill saying once Monica was a good girl too. But her second chance even as a weight loss spokesperson, found the public speaking out loudly against it. What message would we be sending our daughters about girls going...well, we all know where Monica went with regard to Bill...) As far as Miss USA, I stayed mum temporarily, hoping it'd get lost in a busy news day--Christmas was coming. Also, the idea of redemption gave a moral to the story. Not having proper ones before the pageant had hardly been the problem. Girl gone wild, but gets good again gave us moms something to work with
ROSIE RANTS
But along comes Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump making an impression that has to be justified to the young and impressionable. O'Donnell protested outrage on her TV show The View , and no matter what you thought, one could argue, hey, that's why it's call the VIEW. But Rosie's paid to entertain and raise ratings, so she ranted comically and mugged and played with her hair as she made fun of Trump's notorious combed-over hair style. The Donald shot back calling Rosie fat and ugly... She made the audience laugh with contorted faces ridiculing his.
HAHAHA, BUT WHAT DO WE TELL THE CHILDREN
Judging from blanket coverage on the mainstream Entertainment scene, I suspect the ratings for O'Donnell's show (aka the jerry slingfest) and The Apprentice will go through the roof, but under mine where I'm trying to bring kids through adolescence in the age of heroin and Hilton, I now face another challenge: explainig how bullying, which includes making fun of looks, brings big bucks in the "mature" or adult world, judging by O'Donnell's and Trumps tirades. The riveting Rosie and the take-no-prisoners Trump reap riches as they rip apart other people's looks--their hair, their weight--actions we don't condone in our home partly because those words wound and tear down teens critical self-esteem. (Plus, kindness is the primary goal of my children's school to say nothing of church, thank them very much. But let's not get all too goody for the real world "entertainment" news here.) Yes, it's fine to express your views, but please do it without gratuitous abuse. So, how do I explain that what would be called in school unacceptable putdowns and bullying is actually profitable to my tween and teen. And why is it fine in prime time?. Do I say: That's Entertainment--for adults, which just happens to be on when kids watch. Oh, and don't you name call, you're not mature or successful enough yet. Hey,I have an idea. O'Donnell (anointed by Barbara Walters, who is one of the queens of the small screen and who owns The View and Trump, who owns many buildings that have great ones, views, i.e., and is tapped to teach others how to reach the top have attained super success. Maybe they can tell our youth the role ridiculing looks should play in climbing the moral and career ladder? Or are there two--ones for different paths--and if so why?

GIVING UP CHRISTMAS

2006-12-14T12:57:00.000-05:00

It was the night before Thanksgiving, and I was going cold turkey. I was giving up Christmas. I was standing in my 10X12 kitchenette in my Manhattan apartment trying to stuff the 15 pound bird in my crammed fridge, when it plopped to the kitchen floor, which naturally gave the idea to our standard pet poodle that this was a giant table scrap--his for the taking, mine for the retrieving. He quickly sunk his teeth in the captured flesh, ploughing through the piles of presents, tangled Christmas light cords, wrinkled stockings that that had not been hung in our storage bin (big enough for Barbie and Ken, not real people)with care--with me in hot pursuit of him. His hunting instincts kicked in, as did my clumsiness. I tripped over some wire and could run after him no more, even if the closest turkey for the next day was probably out in New Jersey somewhere. It hit me harder than the floor had: I couldn't chase after the Rockwell Christmas fantasy any longer either. Last year had transformed me, and my inner Grinch just popped out. The whole holiday season or at least what it had become gnawed at me: the long to-do lists, so many stacks of unwrapped gifts I could barely remember what went to who... And I wasn't really into the crux of it yet. So, as I watched the dog chew with cave animal abandon, I picked up one of the scraps of paper with "MUST DO" scrawled on top and tore it to shreds like confetti. No more maxed out credit cards that would keep me awake come January, no more striving to get everything Martha Stewart right as this was my busy period at work that called for hours of overtime, no more hypocrisy and commercialism in the name of Christ's sake. Oh, give me a break! I looked at the mangled turkey. We'd eat out tomorrow for Thanksgiving. And Christmas, as I'd come to know it or let it become, could take a holiday!!. I was giving it up. Ho Ho Ho!
CHRISTMAS PASTS
This would have been unthinkable in Christmas pasts--which were my most precious memories. I thought back to simpler times: when going to midnight mass in my little country town seemed magical. I remembered the sense of peace driving home--past the shadowy cornfields and patches of pine groves--the feeling that no harm could ever come any one's way as lights blinked and twinkled from every neighbor's house this holy night. As the saying went in our farm town, children wouldn't dare chance Santa would miss their house hidden in groves of trees. My family's traditional row of blue candles would be in our window waiting Santa's arrival each year. We cut down our own tree from woods near our house on a day when a light snow made it feel like a winter wonderland, and clipped holly and pine branches from the backyard to deck our halls. The fireplace roared, and the relatives arrived Christmas morning carrying delicious dishes and colorfully wrapped packages. I had been blessed with the most loving extended family (who had since scattered around the country for career or retirement reasons). But at 13 I recalled seeing them all in the living room by evening's end--everybody doing the twist one year--from my 80-year-old grandfather to my two year-old cousin standing on top her father's toes! This was right after we all sang carols and some played an instrument. As the song said, "Celebrate, come on, come on..." From church-going to caroling to cookie-making by the tray full to delivering presents to the hospital and exchanging our own gifts to feasting on traditional homemade food, and then dancing and singing and laughing late in to the night...my warm, giving and fun-loving family didn't miss a treat or a beat.
THE CHRISTMAS THAT BROKE THE CAMEL'S BACK
So, how did it come to this: my husband working late again, me staring at a drumstick, as determined as Scarlett O'Hara holding her radish in Gone with the Wind--only vowing I would never celebrate Christmas again--except in church and at a cozy dinner with my mom, dad and husband in my New York apartment. Hmn--my New York apartment--that's where I had caught "hum buggism"--right here, the year before. That year like this one I had been a free-lance writer supplementing our income by creating a market research business, which I could run from home (unusual in those show-up-at-an office or else days). Ten girls worked for me from their homes so they could care for their children. We were combining careers and caring for families successfully! I always gave my employees bonus checks throughout the year because they deserved it and the company earned enough to do it. Still, of course, you had to get them something special at Christmas. Not that you didn't want to--it was just the busiest time of the year, which took the fun out of shopping. Then there were all the major companies who were my clients. I'd rack my brain for the perfect present for each executive. Also, living in a high rise brought with it a big "Christmas card," or rather tip list. The fact that I tipped regularly throughout the months didn't matter. It was Christmas--the time of year to spread good cheer (the only acceptable form being green cash in large denominations please.) Of course, you couldn't forget all your husband's business associates--or the people who served you--hairdressers, manicurists, postmen who delivered the hundreds of cards to people I didn't even really know. Christmas cards--yes, suddenly visions--well, more like nightmares about last year's Holiday Cards for clients started flash dancing through my head, which is what had made Christmas a holiday that I now faced with dread.
GIVING WALKING PAPERS FOR CHRISTMAS
I remembered last Christmas season I needed a new client, or I was going to have to let go of one of the young mothers who worked for me from her home--a set up hard to find in those pre-computer times. Great Christmas present--giving someone their walking papers. I called the major ad agencies and got one very, very interested potential client. After three long chats, the client-to-hopefully-be said that they'd be in touch after the holidays. Ah, but absence might make the impression I made fade. What if they didn't call. My instinct told me if I were THE ONE WHO CALLED YET AGAIN. I'd be approaching desperation, if not stalker status. I had the perfect idea: corporate-looking Christmas cards, imprinted like I imagined IBM's or GM's would be so we didn't look a bunch of housewives working out of our kitchens and nurseries while we basted chicken and changed diapers (which we had to do too, naturally). I found the ideal card in an upscale department store. My gut told me this would be the subtle reminder we needed to say remember us and we'd get The Call for business come January--and my employee would keep her job!

So, I ordered my impressive company imprinted cards (corporations don't sign Happy Holidays, Dary) and felt optimistic as I went to pick them up the day the slip said they'd be ready. But soon I felt my stomach sink when the saleswoman told me my order had gone astray and that the printing press was closed for the holidays. It was too late to order elsewhere and handwritten cards would make us look like desperate housewives. It sounded simple, but feminine business intuition, which had brought this female-work-at-home plan this far, told me I needed that corporate card. A present would have been too presumptious, sending nothing would have been nothing, maybe even standoffish. I knew how to chase a man before I was married (we were trained like show dogs), and I translated this into hooking a client. But The Department Store wasn't buying my reasoning or pleas. They said they were not opening their printing press this season. Sorry. Well, the only person I felt sorry for was the new mom who was going to lose a job she really needed. So, angry and shaking, I said, "You'll be delivering me my corporate Christmas cards today, just get ready to roll the presses and live up to your word. You'll see, I told the sales manager, who made doubting Thomas look like an optimist. "And a happy holiday to you too,"I added with more spunk then spirit!. Then I went home and worked the phones. Would you do this to a Fortune Five Hundred company I asked the v.p. of public relations? Would you do it to a man who wielded power over you? Well, you're not doing it to me and my girls.
CHRISTMAS SPITE
I threatened to get females who had small businesses picket the store. I was also a disabled person with a muscle disease who had to work from home, but I didn't want pity, I just wanted justice, equal opportunity with an IBM or GM. After a day of haggling and yes, unflattering, unChristmas-like threatening and ranting, the presses rolled at The Big Department Store, as I'm sure they would have for General Motors from the get go. For good measure, the corporate cards were hand delivered by the store with an apology to my door!!! I felt I had fought for fair play, but I was battle-weary. I was emotionally drained, trembling and had pains in my chest. This was Christmas? No. This was dog eat dog commerce combat.(Today, Amarosa-type Apprentice contestants come to mind. Christmas had become a holiday where we conducted business and felt manipulated by any one who had ever come to our apartment to fix a leak. Couldn't we declare a separate appreciation day to reward people who provided us with services? Couldn't we do business the days we were open for business? How did commercialism and Christmas get so intertwined? Did I really have to feel I'd be left out in the cold because my corporate card didn't keep up with my competitors? Yeah, in reality, I did. But in spirit, it shouldn't. I missed church that Christmas eve--I was out shopping for my family that night and wrapping into the early morn with half of heart.
THROWING OUT BABY JESUS WITH THE BATHWATER
So, now as I stood--well, sat sprawled looking at the mauled Thanksgiving turkey all I could see ahead were tip lists, client gifts, endless hastily signed cards... I loved what Christmas had once been, but not what it had become. So, Thanksgiving at Schrafts came and went that year and as the days passed, I preached my back-to-church and family only Christmas philosophy. I noticed the slightly hurt look in friends' eyes--as some considered themselves chosen family. I missed cookie-making and those yearly cards to those who were dear, but not near. To say nothing of far-away family photos. How else to know a friend had a baby bump or another was starting to look like Nicole Richie on a fat day and was in need of a call and Junior's cheesecake--my New York cure for anorexia leanings. Yes, I had to admit Christmas kept me in touch with all those who had been part of my life. Then there was my annual holiday open house where I got to catch up with people who were busy doing what they had come to the city for--working late to become Katie Couric or manhunting so they could become Mrs. Tom Brokaw. A country girl, I still couldn't get used to parting with almost a quarter day's pay for a tree that grew near my backyard and was free for the chopping. Even the overpriced boughs of holly and branches of pine seemed a rip off. But as others snapped them up, I felt lonely as a pine tree standing by itself. Yet,I wouldn't bend--that is until near the end as I began to feel more like a cross between The Grinch and Scrooge.
THE SOLUTION, MY FRIENDS, WAS THROWING THE CALENDAR TO THE WIND
It was Christmas eve morning as I looked around my bleak apartment. Oh, yeah, I had made my point and then some. I had thrown out BABY JESUS WITH THE BATHWATER, so to speak. I missed my tree--and the nativity scene under it. Maybe I'd just get a small tree--after all Christmas only came once a year--and it wasn't like I was having a shopping spree at Tiffany's. Hey, window shopping--there was something I couldn't do down on the farm. Who said pine trees were a girl's best friend? I began to wonder who was being the wise man and the fool when I saw neighbors congregate in tiny Gramercy Park to practice carols for Christmas eve. Yes, the sounds of Christmas can travel and find their way up through highrise windows. Christmas is where and what you make it. Besides I didn't get to watch people skating near angels, which I loved in Rockefeller Center as much as I did the tree. And did you really care if you got stuck in traffic when you could take in store window magic conjured up by the best decorators in the world, one who could make an all red window striking and filled with a feeling of joy and variety, no less. Yes, there were still parts of the holidays I didn't like--the excess. But who favors drunken drivers on New Year's Eve...or chugging Alka Seltzer and gaining two pounds on kit kats and Mars bars by the bag full on Halloween. But we didn't give up those holidays. I didn't reel mushy about the commerce-Christmas connection. But I hated the rushing most of all--until the year I ALMOST GAVE UP CHRISTMAS. SQUEEZING IN A LITTLE CHRISTMAS WAS BETTER THAN NO CHRISTMAS AT ALL--TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO TRIED IT! I CAVED IN THE LAST MINUTE FOR WHAT I CRAVED--LIKE A LITTLE KID LET LOOSE IN A CANDY STORE. And it felt great. I shopped until they turned out the lights, laughing along with the other latecomers. I bought cards and cds of carols and hot cocoa mix and a cheery mug to sip from while I wrote holiday messages. True,I did them after my tree was up and the turkey was cooked and I had fed our pet poodle doggie treats. Actually, I wrote long, leisurely notes on the "New Year" cards all the next week. We didn't need to give up Christmas, I decided, we needed to stretch it out. The true spirit, which seeps in to even grumps, should, but, unfortunately, doesn't last the year. But why couldn't we celebrate right up until February when groundhogs reared their heads? Why not let our decked out, beautifully decorated trees stay up longer? Why give a wonderful season like Christmas short shrift, when everybody--except a few people who went postal easiy or were off their meds--tried to be nicer and kinder. So, that year I reveled in Christmas--instead of ripping through it, as we did the wrapped presents. Christmas Eve and the day itself were saved for church and a family dinner, which included three Jewish friends who arrived singing "Happy Birthday to Jesus." (Ovey,I first thought. But Jesus was Jewish, he could have been their distant relative, already.) Also, I had so much extra time "giving up Christmas," that year I had gone to their house for Chanukah--a holiday tradition I was going to keep. Oh, come all ye religions... I did give up some things for sure--fruitcake went first, money to a liquored up doorman who gave it promply to a store that sold him more Jack Daniels (that doorman got a scarf, homemade gingerbread and black coffee and a friendly chat from a pal about AA.) I also didn't give presents to people I didn't want to--I just said, let's not exchange gifts this year, just hugs, ok. I think they were as relieved as I not to have to go for broke. Business gifts I kept up--I couldn't pay for anything without my clients. Besides, capitalism is something I opt for over communism. Yeah, I was grateful to have a job--and so was the mom I could keep because I fought for a client the last year. Sometime you have to push a little or alot in life--and give and take. After all, they weren't saying that first Christmas, "Oh, come on in all ye faithful--we'll make plenty of room at the inn." The rest of the rituals I spread out like a luscious homemade jam. I even gave a holiday party in January! I called it "A Beat the Blues Blowout." People who didn't make it to parts like St. Bart's loved it. They hated the let down after Chrismas they said. And this way they didn't have to pick and choose even among the A list offerings a few weekends in December. What a great idea?. I carried the tradition on and everybody looks forward to kicking back when the chores and crunch are done.

The holiday season seemed more fun when you let it linger. Sometime you have to try to give something up, to know it's indispensable, something you and the world need more then ever. A Christmas truce sounds good to me. And the halls look so much cheerier when we deck them out for a month. So have your self a very merry Christmas SEASON. Nothing is perfect, except the Creator who gave us Christmas.

MY LEFT BREAST

2006-12-08T19:28:00.000-05:00

No, you don't want to see it--and if you did that's not what this blog is about. Log on to Britney or to Pamela Anderson. To give you evidence of this, I can tell you one morning a mother dropped in for coffee when my tween was younger. To get my attention, my younger daughter was tugging on, yes, my left breast. Embarrassed, I whispered to her, "Honey, we don't touch other people's private parts." To my dismay, she replied in all innocence, "Mommy, we don't have private parts near our tummies." Yes, we do when we're past forty, I thought, and while many of us have visions of breastlifts and perkiness dancing through our heads, a real need for regular mammograms begins at this time.

We are sorely in need of Breast Awareness Month (but not this kind of attention). It's great that women are urged to get a mammogram every October. But that's a lot of breasts for our mammography centers to squeeze in during one month. And what many people don't understand is there's a mammogram crisis in this country!

I couldn't schedule my appointment in October--and the back-up spilled over into November and December. With a history of lumps and biopsies, I was eager for "M Day." I went to a highly-regarded center in Manhattan, because a few years back a local doctor wanted to remove a large portion of my breast and have me undergo reconstrutive surgery after I had a hysterectomy and my gyno put me on hormone replacement therapy. (I take compounded bioidentical hormones, a topic deserving a blog of its own.) In any case, the research on the relationship of HRT to breast cancer, leaves as much to be desired as my cleavage, so aptly described by my daughter. I'm stressing this because if I can get one woman to keep reading and get a mammogram, I'm willing to be the butt of a joke.

Anyway, the center was so crowded the radiologist literally said I would have to return for a mammogram on my right breast! Granted, I'm a full- figured woman--that technician could put in for double time for me. Still, couldn't they handle both breasts in one day? I was told flat out, no, call and schedule an appointment after I got home (which was 2 hours away--without traffic. (Actually, you could have put a dent in War and Peace while sitting in the bumper to bumper back-up from Manhattan to New Jersey that Friday afternoon.)They didn't make appointments in person. Unfortunately, they didn't complete mammographies in person either. Now, only a boob would go along with this.

The final stop for this boob at the center was with the top doctor--who put her foot down. "We'll make room for your right breast. It's due," she insisted and sent me back to radiology, where I was greeted with smiles and giggles from the friendly female technicians. Okay, what is the point here?

Well, women and legislators have to get a grip on the mammogram problem: it actually begins with the medicaid rates, even if you're covered by private insurance or pay up front yourself. These medicaid/medicare allotments help determine the amount our insurance companies allow for mammograms. It's not enough. So, top radiologists have for years been entering other more lucrative fields, there is not cutting edge equipment at all centers, and too often there are long waits, even for women with lumps. Senator Chuck Schumer of New York introduced a bill to help this situation--and was pushing other Congressmen to take a good look at the bare facts. Then, along came 9-11 and understandably our homefront security became our top priority. But what about the women in these homes? Heart disease may be the leading cause of death for females, but women are terrorized by the threat of breast cancer. It's women's number one health fear.

So, we must press the issue (pun intended). And, girls, let's use our natural assets. Do you know how women are accused of being nags? Let's live up to our reps. Lobby your legislator! What's a constiuent for? Then, just as there are designated drivers, become a designated friend to help other girls get their mammograms. No, they can't squeese us all in one month. But why not schedule an appointment around our birthdays? So, start prodding a pal. Say, "Happy birthday. Hey, when's your mammogram--let's have lunch afterwards." You may be giving that friend the gift of life. Think of those who have had breast cancer--both personal galpals and celebrities.

And you have friends here. When you're going for your mammogram, let us know, and we'll send you a book featured on our show. It may help pass the time in the waiting rooms, where we hope the lines won't be as long soon. Oh, yes, and if someone tells you they are short on time, don't let them short change your examination And know thy breast center: Ask if two radiologists will be examining the films (detection rates rise if they do), inquire about helpful computer checks, special tests for those from high risk families, digital mammogram equipment for dense breasts especially and sonograms (the test that caught Suzanne Sommers' cancer in time). See if the cards are stacked in your favor when it comes to a center being set up for critical early detection. Oh, and don't be a boob like I was. If there's no room in the mammogram center, remember you were given two breasts. If you don't keep an eye on them, no one else can!

MEL VS. SEINFELD'S MICHAEL RICHARDS: PICK YOUR POISON

2006-11-27T01:21:00.000-05:00

Mel vs. Michael (Kramer) Richards. Anti Afro-Americans slurs vs. anti-semitism. Stand-up tragedy vs. falling down drunk vulgarity. Wow--what a choice. . I haven't really had a drink in years--I can't afford the calories. Comedy is another matter. I come from New Jersey. Jokes are to Jersey what cheese is to Wisconsin. We could actually raise revenue by charging a tax on anyone who tells a Jersey joke. So, when I first heard about Kramer, I for a nanosecond thought of how people in the field will say anything for a laugh--even things that aren't true. It's called taking an "opening." But when I heard Kramer crack--and I think he did, I felt ill. I watched him via YouTube at the request of a friend who wanted my opinion. The point really isn't whether Kramer is a day-to-day bigot. He committed bitotry--a hate "act." Frustrated someone would interrupt his obviousy unriveting routine, he wanted to "kill"... You hear the expression all the time in comedy. Stand-ups say, "I killed them"--meaning I made them laugh, they couldn't control themselves. Kramer didn't have what it took that night to kill them with comedy, to see them split their sides laughing. Dirty words alone are old hat. Comics reach for every bleeping word they can find to try to substitute shock treatment for treating people to funny material. Kramer reached to the bottom of the sewer. Oh, yeah, those words kill: spirits, trust--and they hurt. I don't want that diatribe out there--I don't want it on TV or on the internet, home of the younger generation. My children's generation doesn't know racial or ethnic prejudice--at least where we live. If you asked them to describe someone who happened to be Afro-American when they were little, they would say something such as, "Oh, she has dark hair, brown eyes, and her skin is kind of brown... " They knew no ethnic labels, let alone slurs. Now, they'll have an African-American classmate at their home for a sleepover, the ultimate teen bonding ritual, and never mention the friend's ethnic background. It doesn't matter to them. I think of how far we've come...of how long it's taken us to overcome. Don't inflict bigotry on Afro-Americans and don't spout your hateful words about any ethnic group to this new generation. Give peaceful religious and racial relations a chance!!! Kramer, you were funny as all get out on Seinfeld. But you shoudn't be behind a mic now. Get therapy, get help, but get out of our kids' faces... As for Mel, he seemed so nice when I met him at an award dinner, genuinely interested in the children the organization giving the honor would help. But the Jewish people didn't "cause all the wars"--they almost got extinguished during one. Yes, Mel, there really was a Holocaust. Why not check out the remains at the death camps, instead of the bars in Malibu. Children--Christian and Jewish--are sensitive to this. My 12-year-old wrote a moving poem about Holocaust surivors. I don't want her or others to hear what you say about Jewish people. Where does this garbage from these stars, blessed with so much, come from? Wherever, it has no place in society. Being paid lots of money to have appeared on a large or small screen does not give actors the right to preach hatred against minority groups--that's the real bottom line. You don't yell fire in a crowded theater. I think they did worse. There are limits to free speech--it's up to us to impose them. Forgiveness is good. Foolishness is not. Perhaps I'm being harsh here. All of us could wear tee-shirts saying, "God Isn't Finished with Me Yet. " But you've crossed the line when you're hurting others--and you need help. So, I wish these actors, who really need their lines written for them, rehabilitation and recovery, not retaliation. But we need protection from their war of words. We gave them a break. Now, give our children one. Let us get on with our dream of an enightened society. It hurts to write this--I don't like to come down hard on anybody. But it's called self-defense, even for those who don't belong to the ethnic groups you took aim at: We all get wounded by your words.

OH! J!

2006-11-24T19:20:00.000-05:00

Everything that could be said about the O.J. case by those who don't have inside information has been said. Really what story has received more coverage? (Okay, maybe the President Clinton/Monica Lewinsky affair. Of course, that depends on what the definition of affair is... But that's all water--or some liquid substance under the bridge now). So, back to O.J. in the morning, afternoon, evening--well, O.J., all the time for a long time... How many of today's commentators cut their media teeth on the case? I was on book tour at the time for a guidebook on communication I wrote called Real Talk: A Savvy Guide to the Hidden Meaning Behind What People Say. And I was offered by one all-news channel to be the body language expert on O.J.(I declined and stayed home to be with my new born baby.) But,I'll give you my take now. Simpson has shifted into "Show Me the Money" Mode. He figures, there's gold--for him--in them there murders. Why not mine it? Why let a sleeping dog--or in this case a dead body or two--lie. Plus, it's a way to get his celebrity fix and the big bucks at the same time. That's what O.J.'s body language is saying: pay attention to me and pay me money! As to what O.J. might have said if he had sat down for enough interviews about his now aborted what-if book, well, he may have just said something a bit different without the dream team... at his side. Try picture him being grilled by Chris Matthews or what would have come out with let-it-all-hang-out Howard Stern (who is not a big commercial success just because he talks dirty)... To truly convince a jury (in this media circus case, the jury is the country ) that you are not guilty, the defendant has to believe he's not guilty. Did O.J. ever persuade the public that he was innocent? Well, jurymen/countrymen, I rest my case...on the trial that will not die.